TravellingSunny

Congratulations, Roopy!

Congratulations, Martian!

Congratulations, Joe!

-6

I'm still trying to understand how to navigate the site... are you talking about the tab that's called Chatbox? How does it work? I just go out there and type something? Today has been much better than yesterday. I woke up refreshed and not wanting to smoke, which is good. Also, my oldest son is in town, and he's coming over for dinner tonight, so I have that to look forward to.

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-4

Oh, @Sazerac - you were definitely one of my angels last night. So much so, that when I first wrote this blog, I'd erroneously tagged you instead of Sslip. One of your posts to that other SOS'er really touched me. I want it to be my pre-SOS. May I use it? This is what you wrote: calm down. breathe a few breaths. You are not going to get that 'ahhhh' from nicotine any more. that is GONE. You can get that 'ahhhhh' feeling from LOTS of other things that won't KILL you. Breathing is good. and Oxygen gives me the most reliable, "AHHHHHHHHHHH". Breathe, baby.

@Sslip, I'm so thankful for the old posts here and for everyone's generosity of time and experience. It has helped me every single day. But, last night, I was truly touched to have been tagged by you just to see if I was OK. It made me feel... I don't know... less alone in this battle. Thank you!! And, @notsmokinjo, thank you for noticing as well. Being able to witness first-hand how effective this community can be when you really need them was amazing! @reciprocity, I've seen it, but I really don't know how to respond to myself yet. Last night taught me that my brain isn't always truthful with me, so I hesitate to try and make something up. There were a few posts that I read in the old SOS posting, though, that I might just copy out and save as a pre-sos for myself - they were instrumental in helping me to calm down. @jillar, I agree. He may be a dirty smoker, but he's been my most avid supporter.

-1

-1

-1

I'm still in the fog myself. Thank you for sharing - I'm intrigued by informal catatonia. Preferred poison would be wine, but the numbing outcome would be the same.

00

The internal war wages on. All the way home from work yesterday, I kept thinking it's been almost two weeks, and perhaps I've earned myself a cigarette as a reward. Just one. I was completely convinced that having successfully quit smoking for 5 years and now that I'm successfully doing it again - well, it should be a no-brainer for me. I've got this, and I totally deserve it. Thought about how great that cigarette was going to be all the way home... how I was just going to have one of my husband's cigarettes and then carry on with the quit as I've been doing. Certainly he'd give me one - he loves me. About half an hour after I got home, my husband showed up and found me on the back patio. After about two minutes of small talk, I asked him to give me one of his cigarettes. He told me no, and there was no way that HE was going to be THAT person that takes me back down to zero days. Then, he said he was going back in the house, and if I wanted to come in and steal one from him, that would be up to me, but he wasn't going to just give it to me. And he left me there, and there I sat questioning everything about this quit. I stood up several times considering walking in and taking that cigarette. I logged in to QT and went to the SOS board, thinking that there was seriously nothing anybody could possibly say to me that was going to make me NOT have my reward. I thought about how much I wanted to be a non-smoker. I thought about how much I wanted that cigarette. I thought about how hard it would be on me if I had to go through Hell Week again. I thought about how I'm mentally strong enough to have just one. I was so completely torn - I felt like a complete lunatic. Either I wanted the damn thing or I didn't. But, I could not make up my mind. So, I thought, you know, let's just post an SOS and see what's what. But, when I started reading about how to post an SOS, I found myself reading another member's SOS posting. That person was having all of the same conflicting thoughts that I was. And, I read some of the responses by other members. There was so much kindness, so much truth. Strangers going out of their way to help prevent another stranger from lighting up. Just for right now. And then I started crying. I wasn't sad, or angry, or anything like that. As I look back on that dark hour of mine, I believe the feeling was frustration. Frustration from having to deny myself what I "want" everyday. It's terribly draining to be so firm with yourself. The crying seemed to help. It relieved some of the pressure and some of the tension - enough for me to really listen to what these other members were telling the SOS poster. I don't have my head on right yet. I still think of it as denying myself a cigarette, when I should be thinking that I'm denying the addiction. I'm not losing anything. But, as much as I try to tell myself that, and as much as I want to believe it, I can't quite get my head wrapped around it. So, I went out to read up on addiction some more / again and reaffirmed my NOPE commitment, and watched some QT videos about smoking (again) and then... @Sslip must have noticed that I was "liking" posts on the SOS thread and then must have noticed that I was re-NOPEing, and took the time to check on me. Just to make sure I was OK. It took me almost half an hour to reply, because the gesture of reaching out to me during my struggle got me crying all over again. I realized that I was sitting there feeling sorry for myself. Feeling sorry that I couldn't have a cigarette. Ridiculous as that sounds, it's how I was feeling. And the fact that I was being ridiculous made me FEEL ridiculous. Eventually I responded that I was "struggling a little bit" (understatement of the century), took a few deep breaths, and thanked my husband for not letting me have one. (He admitted that the look in my eye was clear - I was going to smoke.) If it weren't for the old posts here and Sslip's thoughtfulness, I'd be back to Day 1 again today. Or Day 0 - who knows if I'd've actually only had the one. I owe today's continued quit to all of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. If you're reading this, please pay it forward by posting your own threads. Posts, blogs, anything. It may not happen today or next month, but eventually, someone will read it at just the right moment.

NOPE

I'm struggling a little bit right now, but I think the worst of it has passed. Junkie thinking was starting to make sense, but I distracted myself by reading a thread about somebody else's SOS, and then got all weepy at how very kind you all were and are, and then went to read about addiction, but got distracted by one of the QuitTrain videos. Now.Im just relaxing with a glass of wine. But feeling fine.

NOPE. Again.

No no no no no no no no no no.

1

2 - G'Morning, everyone!

It's still hard for me to believe. Granted, I didn't have just one. Oh, no. When I caved - I went allllllll the way. Must've smoked half a pack in that first hour. It was practically a binge session. But, yeah, it only took one moment of weakness and the floodgates opened. I'm surprised how oblivious to the addiction I'd allowed myself to become. There was no caution... no thought at all... that need for "constant vigilance" is a thousand percent accurate.

Well done! Many congrats to you!!

Super news! Congratulations!!