abbynormal

@bakon is a cheater cheater pumpkin eater. -1

Congratulations! The first month is the hardest (in my opinion.) You've done a great thing! Be proud of your accomplishment!

-1

Before I Die, I Want To...write something meaningful. Before I Die, I Want To...take an amazing vacation with my Mom. Before I Die, I Want To...pay my debts.

I shudder now to think of the times I dug through the trash and/or dirty ashtrays to find smokeable butts. I would also steal cigarettes from my in-laws, who live upstairs, and sneak out behind the garage to smoke them. (This was, of course, when I was trying to hide my habit.) I once tossed a mostly-full pack of smokes out of my car window when I decided to quit. (I know, littering is bad.) But in a moment of weakness, I drove back to that site and pulled over, searching the embankments on both sides of the road for my pack! (Why I didn't just go straight out and buy a new pack I'll never know.) I did stupid things to feed my habit.

For me, it has always been a vicious cycle. I have bipolar depression, and I started smoking after the onset of my first major depressive episode. The nicotine actually seemed to relieve certain aspects of my depression, but it created horrific anxiety with the craving/withdrawal cycle. It also caused me a great deal of shame, which fueled my depression. So I would quit. The anxiety would lessen, but the depression would increase as my dopamine levels plummeted. I'd start smoking again, and the cycle would continue. I've been doing a lot of personal research into nicotine addiction and mental health, and the more I understand it, the stronger I get in my quit. Thank you for sharing.

NOPE. Not one. Not ever.

Woke up with this song in my head out of nowhere. When I looked it up on YouTube, I found this beautiful live version. Love the keyboard work.

Aww, thank you, Was! It was nice to log on and see this today!

Happy to see you here!!!!!!! Big hugs!!!!

NOPE. No smoking here!

I am determined to share music that has not already been shared and this track almost certainly fits the bill! Why am I a fan of this piece of 90s Turkish pop? Because it takes me back to my bellydancing days, and those are some happy memories. (Yes, I was a semi-professional bellydancer!)

"But I enjoyed smoking!" I hear that again and again from folks struggling to quit. (I've heard my own inner addict's voice whisper it a thousand times.) And so I ask this question: Was smoking ever REALLY enjoyable? One of the keys to my success this time around has been to remind myself that smoking was never really something I enjoyed. Not really. Remember that very first cigarette--the burning sensation in your throat, the acrid smell of the smoke, the cough following that first hit? I still remember it. Why did I continue to smoke? It wasn't because I enjoyed it. It was because the nicotine receptors in my brain woke up after my FIRST puff and immediately began screaming for more. I was hooked from the get-go. Smoking wasn't something I enjoyed. When I really think about it, smoking was something I hated. I hated the guilt and shame. I hated sneaking around whilst trying to hide my habit from my disappointed loved ones. I hated the dirty looks I got from non-smokers when I lit up in public. I hated the smell that permeated my clothes, my skin, my hair, my car. I hated cleaning foul, dirty ashtrays. I hated spending money only to watch it burn up. I hated huddling on the porch in the cold and rain, trying to stay warm and dry while puffing away like some kind of fiend. I hated coughing every time I laughed. I hated wheezing every time I climbed even a short flight of stairs. I hated the ulcers in my nose that wouldn't heal. And I hated the fear that each cigarette brought me a little bit closer to death. So where does that sense of "enjoyment" come from? Because I thought for years that smoking was something I liked doing. That's why I threw away quits in the past--I thought I was missing out on something. But the more I learned about nicotine addiction, the more I began to realize the truth: smoking was something I did to fulfill a craving. That's it. That sense of enjoyment was actually my inner addict's sense of relief at getting another fix. Even that first cigarette of the day, which was always my "favorite," was not an enjoyable experience. It was simply providing a rush of nicotine after 8 hours of withdrawal. (Yes, even in sleep my body was always begging for another hit.) Ok, so maybe I enjoyed the lovely quiet mornings spent on my porch with a cup of coffee. Guess what? I can still enjoy those. And I can breathe in lots of fresh, clean air while I enjoy them. Because now I'm truly enjoying them. I'm not simply satisfying a need. A need I created when I took that very first puff. (Isn't that sad?) I didn't enjoy smoking. I do, however, enjoy being smoke free. Attitude is everything in a successful quit. Change your thoughts about the habit itself, and it will save you down the road. Trust me.

It's not true joy you were feeling. It was the inner addict's voice, shouting for you to feed it. The inner addict felt joy. Not you. It really helps me to separate that part of myself. My inner addict wants a cigarette, but I don't. And I'm stronger. I'm gonna starve that ol' inner addict to death! You will, too. It takes a lot of time for that inner addict to really go dormant. (As we all know, it never really dies. It only takes one cigarette to bring it to life again.) Each time you face a trigger and don't smoke, your inner addict withers away a bit more. Glad you kicked that cigarette to the curb!

Congratulations, @Vivianne!!!! That first month is a huge milestone and should be celebrated with some serious revelry! Acknowledge yourself and all your hard work.

Welcome aboard! It sounds like you understand that the "just one" thing is all a big lie our inner addicts tell us to get us smoking again. There is no such thing as "just one." I learned that lesson the hard way, myself. Glad you have joined us. :)

Welcome, @Control Freak!!! Glad to have you aboard the Train. It sounds like you are ready to put this nasty habit behind you. Good for you! Was smoking ever REALLY enjoyable? One of the keys to my success in my quit has been to remind myself that smoking was never really something I enjoyed. Not really. Remember that first one--the burning sensation in your throat, the acrid smell of the smoke, the cough following that first hit? I still remember it. Why did I continue to smoke? It wasn't because I enjoyed it. It was because the nicotine receptors in my brain woke up after my FIRST puff, and I immediately began craving for more. I was hooked from the start. Smoking wasn't something I enjoyed. When I really think about it, it was something I hated. I hated having to hide my habit from my loved ones. I hated the smell that permeated my clothes, my skin, my hair, my car. I hated cleaning foul, dirty ashtrays. I hated spending money only to watch it burn up. I hated the fear that each cigarette brought me a little closer to death. I hated huddling on the porch in the rain and cold, trying to stay dry while puffing away like a fiend. So where does that sense of "enjoyment" come from? Because I thought for years that smoking was something I enjoyed. That's why I gave up quits in the past. I thought I was missing out on something. But the more I learned about nicotine addiction, the more I began to realize the truth: smoking was something I did to fill a craving. That's it. That sense of "enjoyment" was actually the addict's relief at getting another fix. Ok, so maybe I enjoyed the lovely fall mornings spent on my porch with a cup of coffee. Guess what? I can still enjoy those. I can even breathe in that fresh, clean air while I enjoy them. Because now I'm truly enjoying them. I'm not simply satisfying a need. A need I created when I took that first puff. (Isn't that sad?) Attitude is everything in a successful quit. It sounds like you have the will and determination to free yourself from the chains of addiction. Now change your thoughts about the habit itself. That will save you down the road. Trust me. I'm here to help! Don't hesitate to reach out anytime. I know what it is to go through some really hard times. (I'm in the midst of several life crises at the moment, myself.) But quitting IS possible, even during tough times. I'll do whatever I can to help you!

Favorite song. Favorite video. Don't let the rap at the beginning put you off. It's not a rap song.

NOPE. Smoking is stupid.

I feel MUCH stronger today. Especially after the rough night I had last night. That feeling of suffocating will stay with me for quite some time. Nothing but clean air going into these lungs, I promise you! It's good to remind myself of those red flags, though. For future reference. It's amazing how the addict voice can take over. I gotta learn how to shut that b*tch up!

I don't have much to add that hasn't already been said here. Take a deep breath. Realize how important your quit is--and also how hard it is. You are doing hard work here, and that should be acknowledged and rewarded. Be proud of every day you've remained smoke free. I find myself romancing the cigarette at times. But last night my autoimmune disease flared up, and I lay in bed struggling to catch my breath. It's a scary feeling--not being able to get enough air into your lungs. If that doesn't take the romance out of smoking, nothing will! Value your lungs. They are precious. And give yourself a hug from me.

Thank you all so very much! I spent a lovely afternoon with my mom. It was a great way to celebrate! Two more months until my party on the Lido Deck!