Kate18

I feel as though I am attached to one end of a rubber band that has a cigarette at the other end, and the further away I get from the cigarette, the more the rubber band stretches, and , and I'm afraid I'm going to snap back to smoking. It's my day off and I have a lot to do. Just finished an errand. Did not stop for cigarettes. I visualize cutting the rubber band with scissors and the tension breaks between me and the cigarette. Helps a bit, not much, not enough. Physically, I feel the desire to smoke in my throat and upper chest/below throat. This is not a HALT situation. I'm at 10 days, double digits, finally, after so many attempts to quit. I can't screw this up. I am asking myself, "what's happening now that is causing the craving to smoke? Thinking about that for a few minutes. It keeps me at the computer and not driving to the store.

I used to love just sitting for a spell and thinking or reading a serious book (psychology, business management, self-improvement, etc). I've been attempting to do that this morning, and even though I'm wearing a patch during the day, I feel a hunger for a cigarette. I'm fidgety. For now and for a while, I can't sit in a comfortable chair and free-think, let my thoughts flow while my mind is in a semi-meditative state. Images and emotions of smoking interfere with thought freedom. Keeping my mental guard up, pushing away the smoking images and desires takes effort and takes me out of any quiet-mind thinking. It's a wee bit annoying. Frustrating. It's tiring.

Ready to pledge a new day of fresh air. Saturday. And...to look forward to....after tonight, the nights get shorter and the days longer. Summer can't be too far off. (Practicing positive thinking)

This use of imagery is brilliant. I've been struggling with the fact that the only way to my home (it's on a cul-de-sac) is past a corner variety store where I most often bought my cigarettes. My imagery has been of the store and a promise of relief of tension, but I didn't consciously recognize the picture in my mind. In fact, I've not really used imagery at all to help me with this quit. I realize that I've been using phrases to help me with avoidance of smoking and plowing through cravings, but words/audio are not my primary method of learning: imagery/pictures are. I am very visually-oriented and dream in color. It's powerful to mindfully focus on colorful images where there are no cigarettes around. I can imagine that store in gray tones and as not having cigarettes, or a big Mr Yuck sticker on the doors, or imagine a vacant lot where the store stands. I really appreciate this post. It reminds me where my power to change comes from--imagining the result I want in mental pictures, not words. Just creating some imagery to use when cravings hit will occupy my mind when I need distraction. Thanks to Babs who wrote it and Paul 723 for bumping it.

Kept my word for the past week + a day. Tomorrow is a new day, a fresh day, a clean air day. I will keep it that way, all day, tomorrow. I won't smoke. Today went well, not too many urges until after work.

HALT is definitely my first go-to now when I feel the tide coming in with a wave of a crave. H, not really, but I ate ice cream. That can't continue. "A moment on the lips, forever on the hips." A, nah L, my dog is enough company, plus I have a lot of social contact at work. Solitude is a relief....but then I want to smoke. T, not tired, but I'm going to end the night because all I can think of is going to the store for a pack and smoking a few. What stops me is a chance encounter with a smoker earlier today. The smoke halo around him wasn't totally disgusting, but it was not pleasant, either. It did make me want to smoke. I knew it would taste terrible, but that never stopped me from smoking before. No, I need a longer list of distractions for when I'm low on energy but it isn't time to sleep for the night. Took the dog for a walk, but it's cold and rainy (Seattle weather), and all she wanted was to get inside where it's warm. Bored. I'm bored. And lethargic. It's close enough to tired that I'm saying good night. Because I forgot once to pledge in the morning, I'll pledge tonight for tomorrow. And tomorrow I'll come up with a few things I can do when I'm craving but too low energy to repaint the house or scrub floors. No doubt there are ideas from you all floating around here in posts. I'll take a look on my next day off.

Someone already posted this, but I can't find it in the forum. I tracked it down on YouTube. It made me feel better about having lapsed so many, many times, sometimes almost daily for a month or two. Each time I stopped smoking and failed, I learned something that made me stronger. I've made it eight days, and feel calm and accepting that I will not lapse again. As it says, never give up giving up

Stress is a big one for me. It's likely that the stress I felt was because of a need for a nicotine hit. When I was anxious about starting new in work I'd never done before, I smoked more. Being worried about learning the work fast enough caused tension. As I became more proficient, i began smoking less.

I won't smoke tomorrow, Thursday, December 20, 2019. Just tomorrow.

Thank you very much for the insight, Christian. I hadn't thought of that. It's helpful to know that this may be recurring for a while, at least. When I felt indecisive, I'd go outside on my patio for a smoke and think about my options. I felt better, then I'd come in and act on my decision. I'll work on a substitution thinking-break without the cigarette. Goodness knows, eating the ice cream I eventually settled on didn't help with making any decisions. All of my to-do tasks were still undone and the ice cream lost its appeal. Thanks again; I'll think about this. And practice patience and mindfulness,

Working my way through a craving. HALTed, then stumbled on a post Paul bumped yesterday about dopamine-inducing rewards. I'm about to go to the grocery store for just such a reward. I was debating cleaning the apartment vs reading a book I just checked out from the library entitled, "Getting Things Done," (David Allen) vs watching an episode of Criminal Minds on Netflix vs washing the inside of my car windshield vs cleaning up the garden from dead summer flowers. A light clicked on as I realized that indecision causes me to want to smoke,. It's a big trigger. BIG trigger. So I guess the take home message from this is that while I am doing one task, always have the next thing I want to do in my mind. Then I will not have so many pauses of indecision where I want to smoke while I am waffling about. Speaking of which, waffles with butter and maple syrup would spur the release of dopamine. And then I don't have to go to the store and elbow my way through crowds of Christmas shoppers. Pancakes would also be good. But I'd really like to see what the pastry selection looks like today. Apple fritters would be good. With coffee. But then I wouldn't sleep well tonight--the caffeine. Actually, I should really be out walking the dog. This is Seattle and it rains a lot, today is no exception. But there is a break in the rain at the moment. But the dog is asleep and won't want to go out in the cold. And there are pastries with my name at the bakery counter. (You see how easy it is to be indecisive?!)

Very thoughtful, Paul, thank you. Am enjoying reading these great posts. Came online just now because I've been wrestling with a strong crave for the past 30 minutes. Went through H.A.L.T., but not hungry, angry, lonesome, or tired. I feel cranky and whiny and longing for a smoke. I can feel the wanting of it in my throat. (The addict emoting.) You bumped this yesterday morning, Paul (my time, anyway), and here it is at the moment I need the right thing to explain this non-HALT craving and what to do to get through it. Going to the grocery store now, in search of something dopaminergic. It'll probably be something from the pastry family. Or ice cream. I'll save getting both for surviving a bigger craving.

First week completed. Eating favorite carrot cake as a reward. Must come up with non-food dopamine-releasing rewards. On to the next week, one day at a time. Eensy pile of unsmoked cigarettes grows.

I will not smoke today. There is no good reason to smoke.

Looked at my face in the mirror this evening after work, and I had to look more closely....my complexion is a tad lighter or brighter, or something. It used to have a grayish tone that was really unattractive. Cosmetics didn't help much. Guessing that improved circulation is having something to do with better coloration. Is this common?

Who first coined the H.A.L.T. acronym? In the past three days, I've gained a whole new respect for using it to rescue sanity from the clutch of addictive thinking. If I have it right, when a person feels s/he is in the grips of longing for nicotine, it may not be nicotine, but something else. Wires get crossed. It could be Hunger, Anger/Annoyance, Loneliness, or Tired. I don't know how many times in the past few days I've "HALTed." Each time, well most of the time, I reached a satisfactory conclusion that I needed something else, not a nicotine fix. Although the nicotine fix would have been nice, too, were it not destructive, expensive, and pointless. I used to reach for a cigarette when I was hungry. When I've HALTed, the solution I come up with most often is to eat a piece of fruit because I sense my blood sugar is low. Once, identifying lonely, I reached out to my son (a young man with a family of his own). He and I are close. He doesn't know I smoke, so I didn't talk about smoking, just used a brief interaction to supplant nicotine craving. HALT is so simple, yet so powerful. Stressor --> few deep breaths to gain calm --> ask the H.A.L.T. questions and be open to the answers --> focus on the best response and take action Anyone else have success using this method? Do you use it often?

Late to the pledge party. Didn't smoke, won't smoke. So much for Monday.

Thanks, Doreen, Your comment about watching the days clock up...I was thinking about what 110 cigarettes in a pile would look like, and imagining having smoked that many. That's what's showing on my ticker right now. Then I look at your 39,169 not smoked!!!! Wicked! And saving more than $17k from enriching tobacco tycoons. When I grow up I want my numbers to look just like yours.

Hi Jillar, I'm fine, thank you for asking. Excited to go and visit my son and his new family (he and his wife had a baby girl in September). I only thought about smoking three times today: when I got to work and there was enough time that I would have smoked, at lunch, and driving home from work. Actually, it's on my mind ever since I got home. Just took off the patch for the night. You? All good?

Oops, was trying to make an airline reservation, it got late, and I ran out the door to work this morning without eating breakfast or pledging. Didn't smoke, won't smoke today. Tomorrow is another day. But no smoking today. Edit: double - oops. Today is still Monday where I am, and I just made a late Monday's pledge on the new Tuesday pledge. Sigh. I pledge not to smoke on Tuesday, either.

Good advice, not looking too far ahead. "Too far" is tomorrow and so on, you're right, they don't matter. I can't manage them today. Can only manage today. The changes...I feel more alert. Is that carbon monoxide leaving the brain? I don't remember when it clears out. Have to look it up. Tired. Emotional day, but all ended well and I learned the lesson, that for now the patch will keep me on an even keel. I'd thought to do a cold turkey in a month from the 21 mg patch, but maybe I'll have to do the step down. And there I go again, looking too far ahead. The present day. Really looking forward to making tomorrow's pledge. Good night, and where ever you are, if it's night, sweet dreams.

Thanks, Doreen. I think I have an online version of Allen Carr somewhere. Think I saw it. If I can't find it online, I'll borrow from the library. Thanks so much This was a rough day. I almost can't believe I'm still here. It's a curious feeling, to have wanted so badly to smoke, but for once, I didn't. I credit this forum for a lot of the strength I found to stay free of cigarettes

YES, exactly what I am feeling right now! That I have too much emotion and self respect invested in staying quit to let myself relapse. I am staying on the patch for now, though. It doesn't feel straight-up, I know it's a crutch, but I don't want to risk going into weeping and panic again. For now, I'll make a note to myself to put on the patch as soon as I wake up. (I take it off when I sleep because it's disturbing my sleep) Maybe a 4x6 index card to put on the frig door, and mark it when I've worked through a battle, as you termed it. Good word. Win the battles, win the war. Thanks, Reciprocity

Thank you, one and all. Woosh, that was close! Just got home from work and I feel relaxed and calm. This morning, I intentionally created delays in my commute so that it would be impossible to detour to a gas station for cigarettes without being late....and I'm never late. Always early. I did catch myself at 5:10, at my cash register, looking at the clock and thinking, "only 20 minutes more and I can have a cigarette." Then I smiled to myself and felt relief to know that I hadn't caved in. Thank you again, all, so much. I'm so grateful for this forum. You all are great people. Kate

Feeling calmer. The patch must be kicking in. Intrusive thoughts are not as strong and I can redirect my focus. I'm looking at my ticker. I avoided 80 cigarettes so far. That's a lot of damage avoided. Plus the money saved. I don't want to be back to telling myself that I'll quit after this pack. OK. Calmer. Leaving for work. Will still check in at lunch to read pledges and discussions. Thank you Jillar for answering my SOS and the reminders of good things to come