Kate18

Doreen, or my other dear Quitrain, QSMB folks Really depressed. Bipolar II. Had ketamine yesterday. Have put in a call to my psychiatrist, asking to go back on meds. CAlled out sick from work. Tried keto which is supposed to be super helpful for bipolar disorder. Listening to a podcast 22 of David Smith (never heard of him). He has bipolar. He just mentioned that nictotine/smoking is helpful for bipolar overwhelm. Yes, I'm in overwhelm. I'll look more into that. Quite desperate for getting out of this mood. I remember how I resorted to smoking when I was feeling so depressed. Anyone around? Not in my right mind. I know that rationally, but I am weeping and feeling desperate. Thinking that smoking would snap me out of this. Desperate.

I started at the QSMB. (Which acronym I've forgotten what it stands for.) I quit and relapsed so many times on QSMB -- and each time I was honest, 'fessing up -- and one prominent member snark-ily told me that maybe I shouldn't be there. (May her name be obscured in history.) My spirit was crushed. Of course, she was right. I shouldn't be there. My bipolar depression was triggered full-on. I shouldn't be on a site where people are trying to quit and I try, but don't stick with my pledges. I felt that I was a blight and a negative influence on other people trying to quit. I'd never be able to quit forever. I almost deleted my profile and disappeared forever....but I think that it was our dear @Doreensfree who stepped in and said, "no, you should be here." And so I came back and stuck it out. I knew from setting goals in business that I must find a strong enough "WHY?' Just loving my children wasn't enough (how terrible does that feel?!) Then Covid starting trekking across China, and I knew it was coming here. I "knew" that I'd get it and, if I were still smoking, I'd get pneumonia and die. I worked in an infectious disease (ID) clinic and everyone in the ID community knew it was only a matter of time before we had another pandemic of some sort. I was sure that this was "The Big One." That was my "why." I stopped on February 22nd (or maybe the 21st). The following week, the first case in the USA was discovered and diagnosed about 15 miles north of me at a skilled nursing facility. I felt vindicated in my belief that this was "The Big One," and felt confident that I could stay quit. There were a few "Help," moments, when I'd post on the forum, but I stuck with it. What is your WHY? If you are hovering like a ghost, not posting, wondering if you can quit, wondering if you should disappear from the forum if you've relapsed ... stick with it. NEVER stop trying to quit. ALWAYS keep your nonsmoking-future self in mind. FEEL PROUD of quitting, even if you're not there quite yet. I believe in you, even though we've never met. No one has relapsed after a pledge to quit more times than I have. (Probably) Quit today. Maybe today is the last time you'll pick up a cigarette. Evoke the lion spirit in your soul. Team Fearless - Fearless Motivation. I listen to these men (sometimes there are women, but I like the men's voices) for at least an hour a day, during my commutes to and from work. I don't know where I'd be without Doreen's support and the messages from Team Fearless. Today is the Day - Fearless Motivation.mp4

NOPE.

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Congratulations! Seven years is amazing. Photo courtesy of Ray Hennessy, Pixabay

Congratulations, @Slow progress. The key word there is "progress!" ( penguin crossing sign for slowly-progressing birds photo courtesy of Casey Horner, Unsplash)

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Eleven months, Overcome, that's wonderful!!! Thinking about the Lido Deck??? You're almost there! Congratulations on your eleven month accomplishment!

Congratulation, Sirius, wow, NINE years! Many years of health, happiness, and adventure to you.

Jillar, horaay for you and your accomplishment of 7 years! Wow, you are closing in on the big 10! Congratulations! Thank you for the dedication you show to those of us in the forum. I really appreciate your support. Photo thanks to Ray Hennessy, Unsplash

You are an inspiration to those of who trail behind you. Congratulations on 7 years!!! (Image by Patti Black, Unsplash)

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Wow, double digits! Love it. Congratulations! (Photo courtesy of Ray Hennessy, Unsplash)

Congratulations! You are an inspiration, truly. (Photo courtesy of Casey Horner on Unsplash)

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You are rocking this! Don't know what it is about reaching day 3, week 3, month 3...who knows what it means, but it has significance and you did it!

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Congratulations! A wonderful achievement. Looking forward to many more years of your health and happiness.

nope Liberating, money-saving, doors of opportunity opening when a person doesn't send a fortune of money to tobacco moguls. It's our choice. An individual's choice.

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Congratulations! Two yeas is a wonderful accomplishment. Best wishes for your upcoming marriage. May you both be blessed with health, happiness, and prosperity.

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NOPE and NOPE is the rule!

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