Kate18

I needed a break from the internet Covid news and serious email for my children in a worst-case scenario. I took my dog for a walk in the park. It's a beautiful neighborhood park with a woodland trail, sports fields, a basketball court, playground equipment for little tykes, climbing rocks for bigger kids, and picnic areas. Here and there along the 1/3 mile perimeter path are benches to just sit and relax. At the foot of the last bench on our path there was an unsmoked cigarette on the ground that someone apparently dropped accidentally. I am shaking my head about it, because I actually had to reign in an impulse to pick it up, take it home, and smoke it. That's crazy. I would have thought I was beyond that kind of thought. Kind of scares me. Is my self-mind control that weak? Anyway, we're back home. I have a tension headache. I'm taking a xanax and going to take a nap. Have to break the stressful thoughts I'm having.

I'm not at risk for going to the store for cigarettes, but I really want to. H.A.L.T. Hungry, angry, lonely, tired. I'm not angry, but I am tense. I am writing an email to my kids of my wishes in case I am infected and hospitalized with the virus. I am 70 this year, so at risk of complications and death because of age and history of smoking. NO ventilator, I am telling them. They won't like that. But the data about being ventilated aren't good. https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2020/04/survivors-severe-covid-19-beating-virus-just-beginning And I'm giving them instructions of how to dispose of my belongings and wrap up my affairs. They won't like this email, but if/when I get sick, I'll be in no condition to communicate this to them. They are in their mid-30s, by the way, adults with their own families. If a crystal ball said I was going to get the virus for sure and wouldn't survive it, I think I might go out and get cigarettes. Or not, I'm not sure. This is a really strong craving, lasting for more than an hour already. Quitting is simple, but not easy. Anytime I had unpleasant tasks to do, I'd have a cigarette while I planned how I'd get it done. I'm missing that right now.

Craved a smoke before embarking on a Costco shop trip this morning. Craved again when I got back and was faced with putting it all away. Heavy cravings the past few days. Don't know why. Just put away the Costco groceries and, since I was still craving a cigarette, came to QT, and presto! Paul723 had bumped this HALT post. (Thank you, Paul) On reflection, I'd say the before-Costco craving was caused by anxiety,. The after-shopping craving was "Tired." Think I'll have a glass of water and a small snack and take a nap.

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NOPE It's lovely to see the dollars that I have saved mount up on the ticker

A year ago I had an eye exam and the eye doctor told me that I have early-stage cataracts and glaucoma. She instructed me to absolutely quit smoking. That was April last year. It wasn't until February 21 this year that I got myself to quit for keeps. I'd quit for days or weeks, even a month a couple of times, but it was a struggle and I lapsed. Today I went back to her because I've been feeling pressure in my right eye. She asked about health changes and I was so happy to be able to tell her that I'd finally quit smoking. In spite of the moments of craving occasionally, staying quit feels for-good now. The impetus when I quit on Feb 21st was fear of getting fatal pneumonia with the virus, but saving my eyesight is another big incentive to stay quit. So many reasons to quit and stay quit.

Hi Guttie, welcome! This group here will help you over the rough spots as you go on this journey. Lots of resources and support. You've come to a good place.

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A line from this one is especially pertinent right now, "Experience, not time is what is going to determine how long it is before you break all of the different associations that you may have with cigarettes." It's an answer to a question that puzzled me a few times when I realized how many triggers there have been in the past few days. Another trigger today while I was waiting out at my car at the veterinarian while the vet examined my small dog. (Turned out the bump I found on her shoulder was a cyst, harmless.) Because of the virus, no one is allowed in the vet clinic anymore, except employees. So I stood by my car in the sun, craving a smoke. It was another place where I smoked in the past, but hadn't come up again since I quit smoking until today. Guess I can chalk off that one for rewiring an experience to a nonsmoking event.

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I've been hit several times today like that, sneaking up when I wasn't expecting it. Another tense moment in a movie, and before that, while listening to my almost-90 year old mother on the phone. I used to pass the time smoking while I listened to her for 30-40 minutes at a time. Her hobby is complaining, and there is no sense in pointing out how many good things she has in her life. Always made me want to smoke.

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It's possible that I'm not thinking about smoking every day. Just had a craving for a smoke a few minutes ago, and wasn't in any risk of lapsing, but it reminded me that I hadn't been on the forum for a few days. I guess that's how I know I haven't been thinking about smoking--I've been forgetting to post the daily pledge. The stressor this time was a tense scene while watching a movie. Triggers to smoke are fewer than I expected. I didn't expect to be at this comfort level with being a nonsmoker for many months.

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The pandemic is precisely what got me to quit. I am a grocery store cashier, so I'm face to face, within a few feet, of people all day long. It's not "if," it's "when" I catch the virus. I am 69 years old, so I am already in a high risk category for complications with the virus. But I need the income and my store needs cashiers to help handle the high flow of traffic we have every day. It feels good to be useful right now, with everything on lock-down. Glad you made a full recovery. Thank you for the work you do.

It took a pandemic scare to do it, but I'm quit one month.

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