Kate18

I'm a bit intoxicated. I never drink, but for the past two weeks, the stress of working with the public and the fear of the virus for my pregnant daughter has been mounting. For almost two weeks, I've been getting hard cider to have in the evening to chill out better before sleeping. It's seemed to help. Then today, I came across a higher alcohol content cider, and now I'm tipsy. I've been practicing meditation each evening. Been doing a lot of stretching with measured breathing. I just want to smoke. I want to sit quietly on my patio with this can of hard cider (high alcohol content), and smoke. I'm saying to myself that it wouldn't matter to anyone, but what we do affects other people. If I break my NOPE pledge and have to reset my ticker, it wouldn't just affect me, it might affect someone else close to lapsing. Nonetheless, I want to smoke. I feel a need to break the tension, get it over with, and just smoke. I'm so tired of masks. So tired of constantly sanitizing my environment at work. So tired of wondering whether the sore throat, runny nose, sneezing, and headaches I feel are allergy or the virus. I'm just tired. Would really like some company right now. Kinda teary. Definitely on the brink of walking to the convenience store and buying cigarettes.

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I am watching YouTube videos this morning on combating procrastination, which has led to videos on happiness and meditation (I'm procrastinating vacuuming, doing laundry, and cleaning the kitchen). Here is a Forbes article that I came across about mindfulness meditation. Below is a copy-paste of a paragraph relating to quitting smoking: "Meditation Can Help with Addiction A growing number of studies has shown that, given its effects on the self-control regions of the brain, meditation can be very effective in helping people recover from various types of addiction. One study, for example, pitted mindfulness training against the American Lung Association's freedom from smoking (FFS) program, and found that people who learned mindfulness were many times more likely to have quit smoking by the end of the training, and at 17 weeks follow-up, than those in the conventional treatment. This may be because meditation helps people “decouple” the state of craving from the act of smoking, so the one doesn’t always have to lead to the other, but rather you fully experience and ride out the “wave” of craving, until it passes. Other research has found that mindfulness training, mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT), and mindfulness-based relapse prevention (MBRP) can be helpful in treating other forms of addiction." https://www.forbes.com/sites/alicegwalton/2015/02/09/7-ways-meditation-can-actually-change-the-brain/#2e1e479d1465 And now, back to finding more videos to help me procrastinate doing housework.

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It sounds as though you are making progress, Amer, even if it is not as rapid as you would want. You are taking action, taking responsibility, and that is the foundation of any success.

Congratulations, Steve. Six months is a really great achievement!

Congratulations, Mac!

That is so great, AK. It's awesome to see the days add up, they just keep adding up and your body keeps getting healthier.

That is wonderful! Congratulations!

How are you doing this week, Amer?

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Amer, have you considered food intolerances? I work in a grocery store that stocks a lot of foods for people who are intolerant to a number of foods. We have many gluten-free and dairy-free foods. Some of what you describe is similar to what a few of them have shared. Perhaps ask your medical care provider about the wisdom of doing an elimination diet to see of there is a food or category of foods that are causing your gastrointestinal upset. You mentioned taking over-the-counter meds--they can cause problems of their own if taken over long periods of time. When people are depressed, their posture and breathing change (voice of experience). If it's comfortable for you, holding a proper posture and some gentle, deep breathing may help. Good luck. I'm sure there is a solution for you.

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Should I expect frequent cravings to smoke still? This morning I am dealing with paperwork for physical therapy bills for a workplace injury that should have been taken care of between the PT company and L&I. Then news that I need to increase dose on a medication that may be making glaucoma worse. So I'm off to an optometrist in two hours to have the pressure in my aching eyes measured. And I'm craving a cigarette. Really wish I could smoke. Not an SOS caliber craving, but missing the relief from stress that smoking gave me. Or is this romancing the cigarette

Feels a relief to have the second month. Still craving smoking at times, still a temptation at unguarded stressful moments.

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