Kate18

Just now I posted a NOPE on the pledge page for Friday, although for me, in Pacific Daylight Time, it's only 2:30 pm on Thursday. It occurred to me that it's such a happy thought to be able to post the day before that I won't be smoking, that I know that I won't be smoking the following day. I can trust my own word now. Distance from the quit date gives confidence. Every day quit is a bit more confident about staying quit. Although at this point, I'm virtually 100% I will remain a nonsmoker for the rest of my life. Happy thought.

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Dreamt that I'd left my cigarettes behind, I wanted them, and they were in my jacket pocket, coming to me in the mail. I accidentally opened up someone else's mailbox and two furry puppies jumped out. I couldn't leave them out and tried mightily to push them safely back into the mailbox. They were lovable, wiggly, and I could not get the lid to it closed. Very frustrating. I knew that if I could just reach my own mailbox, I'd be able to retrieve my jacket and cigarettes, and relax with a smoke. I awoke when my own small dog bounded over out of her den to my side and started licking my ear. At least I wasn't craving a smoke when I awoke. I think I've been days without a craving. Maybe once or twice, but not strong ones. Transient and not even enough to create a memory of them. It's true, it does get better.

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Funny, even though I quit on February 21st, and today is four months later on June 21st, my ticker still only shows 3 months, 30 days. We had a February 29th this year, leap year. Would that have something to do with it?

Thank you, Jillar. I did do something special. During my breaks at work, I surfed Yahoo Finance and checked out a stock to buy. My kind of fun, now that I'm not spending money on cigarettes.

NOPE Days are adding up to months

NOPE Happy Father's Day to you dads.

Still NOPE Closing in on 4 months. I can't believe it. Smoking-Kate was another person. I'm a non-smoker. Hard to remember what I saw in it that was desireable.

Wow, cravings down to a couple a day or even NONE! Well "none" doesn't happen often yet. It's a relief Right now I'm on a Zoom union meeting about contracts and pensions, and I'm craving a smoke and a hard cider. Fortunately, I have neither in easy range. And since my new hobby is stock learning and investing, I'll not spend the money on either smokes or alcohol. Hope you're having a great day, all.

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New day, same NOPE

On February 21st, 2020, when I realized there was a pandemic under way, I quit. I was sure I'd stay quit, at least, until the pandemic was past. I hoped I'd stay quit after that, but it was "hope," not, "I'm sure." The day I became certain this is a life-long change was recent, May 29, 2020. That was the day I purchased my first shares of stock. That was a high I'll never forget. When the pandemic is behind us, I'll still have my new hobby to enjoy. If I smoked, there'd be no hobby.

A beacon of hope

Reading online this morning about the complexities of my new hobby. I'm craving nicotine and the thought that, "I want a cigarette" came to mind. Then I re-centered myself by thinking of how much money I'd have had for my new hobby if I hadn't spent so much money on my last hobby --smoking. My new hobby is stock investing. I'm learning about stocks and company valuations from Buffet Books, free online tutorials. Also reading Seeking Alpha, Motley Fool, and others. Having the extra dollars to invest is a great weight on the side of the teeter totter of non-smoking vs smoking. Keeps non-smoking behavior grounded. I'm a bit annoyed that I keep having to tick off the reasons I'm staying a nonsmoker. Will welcome the future days when it isn't an effort to stay nicotine-free. But very grateful to have finally crossed over three months. Funny, I remember hitting one-month; don't remember when I'd crossed over two months. It's as though I skipped two and jumped straight to three.

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I found this map early on, must have been soon after it was first published. There wasn't even a red dot on the USA map. I knew what would happen, though--was pretty sure that it would spread across the country. That's what got me to quit smoking and is keeping me nicotine-free. I quit on Feb 21st. If my memory is accurate, the following week the first red dot appeared on the USA map, just 18 miles north of where I live and work. It was surreal to see the first event in the US marked so close to home. I used to work in an infectious disease clinic in a prominent medical center (I coordinated continuing medical education programs), and a looming pandemic was a frequent topic of conversation. I attended a presentation about it and saw the mapped model of how contagion would spread across the globe. It was just like what I've watched on the Johns Hopkins map over the past few months. Eerie. There were many more deaths projected by the lecturer than what we've had so far, but his projections didn't factor in the social distancing, masks, economic shutdown, etc, that have been implemented. And, of course, the pandemic has really just begun to build up steam. Based on what I saw presented, and recognizing that countries have to reopen economically, until we get a vaccine and most people are vaccinated, I think that there will be many millions of deaths worldwide. Here in the States, I am expecting several hundred thousand deaths before widespread vaccination can be achieved. Given my age, smoking history, and constant risk of exposure from my job as a grocery store cashier, I'll probably get it and am at med-high risk of death. Definitely not going to start smoking again!

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Welcome!