stzr500

Hello Everyone !!! It has been quite some time since I posted in here that I just wanted to let everyone know that I didn't forget this place and how it was my sanctuary for quite some time. I am so glad to see the forum is still up. I started when I believe it was Quit smoking or something like that. I am still holding strong on my mind thought on seeing how long I can go without nicotine and smoking. I didn't use the word quit when I put my pack down and away. Quitting sounded so final, the human mind doesn't like things that it enjoyed to be final. So I just convinced myself I am going to see how long I can go without smoking. I have a craving once maybe twice a year if that, to be honest I really don't think about it. Maybe that's why I haven't checked in for some time now. My only advice and I am being serious on this, you have to go through sheer hell and torcher to become stronger and not to look back. I am not lying when I say it was the hardest thing I ever attacked and came out on top so far. The one problem is once you let your guard down just a bit evil temptation comes knocking. The thing is though you get so use to keeping your guard up that it becomes a natural thing everyday. Meaning you have children, a pet, or even a parent, you are going to protect them at all costs sometimes. The problem I believe is we don't or at least I didn't care about myself in that manner. I have things to be thankful for, I am 57 smoked daily since I was 18. I will not get into the medical end of things because we all know the risks by now, that is why we are here. The only true advise I can give anyone and I will take it to my grave is, Believe in Yourself !! Three simple words you can have all your 12 step process and all that other stuff that addictions create. At the end of the day it comes down to you. I see and read, I don't have the strength, I Can't do this, I feel so horrible, ect, ect. You need to turn that negativity into positivity. Probably saying, sure easy for you to say..The F-CK it was !! I took the walk and I am still on the path but the path becomes much more open and clearer as time goes by. Yes it get's blocked every now and then but you find your way to clear it. Seriously nicotine is out of your system in a week, think about that 1 week yes just 1. Then the real battle begins and you dam well better be ready because it can become relentless at times. I will not sugar coat anything nor lie about anything I have been through. My nicotine addiction was my best friend and companion. Saw me through so much in my life was with me ever step of the way. Hey buddy that was good, let's light one up or OMG I can't believe that happened, I really need my buddy now to calm me down. Yeah light me up. Then a light went on in my head before it was to late and I realized these dam things may or may not kill me but spinning a revolver may or may not kill me either but the more spins I choose the less my odds become of survival. I really don't and still don't give a crap about society and how smoking is frowned upon. We have much bigger issues to worry about. Your social standard to me is you can kiss my ___. I respected that you didn't smoke and smoked only where I could, I get that but don't throw your non sense of how gross smoking is and how you should take care of yourself bla bla bla. Mind your own business and don't judge me, you are not my creator or my superior. Some should take a hard look at themselves. Nicotine use is a personal choice that you chose at one time to try or to be cool, there again society placing it's evil grip on you. Anyway as I was saying, it became a habit and a companion as nicotine took control over you and me. Simply put, it did. Now it's your turn to demand your life back and teach yourself how to handle stress,death, birth, marriage, divorce and everything you and your nicotine buddy did together. Now a new victim comes along and doesn't want their bestie around anymore because you really are that best friend my parents or other friends warned me about and to stay away from. Guess what, to late I didn't listen. So one day you decide enough is enough already it's time to part ways. The problem is that bestie just won't stay away, keeps knocking at the door all the time. Keeps following you every where you go for a week or so and then when you think it's not following you it starts to play the manipulation gig. You need me, you can't live without me, what did I ever do to you, I always made you feel better..the list goes on and on. That's the mind set I had to lose. I am not saying everyone is the same but that's where it was for me. Reprogramming the mind is hard, but not impossible nor will it kill you. Medicine along the way to help you, why not ? Nicotine is a drug that messed you up in the first place. Just one foot note, I did have withdraw when I stopped nicotine. Headaches, nausea, shakes, little night sweats, emotional up and downs, coughing, but the biggie was the Anxiety. That was the kicker and that is where the positive mind set plays such a key role. I can remember one day I had such a panic attack that I thought I was going to pass out or die. First of all you won't die from a panic attack, that is for sure. Passing out I didn't but I though if I did that would be great because then I wouldn't have to deal with this shit for a moment. I never did pass out and the panic attacks I can't remember the last time I had one. Everyone is different though. I am just giving you my time frame, anxiety was the longest to stick around. I may still have it, I just learned how to control it. Thing about anxiety that I learned and was helped with is that, anxiety is a natural emotion. Check this out, which I never realized until my doc pointed it out to me on one of my physicals. Anxiety is a natural emotion like anger, happy, sad the emotions we all are aware of. The problem with anxiety is that it's a fight or flight sensation that we have suppressed in the modern day society. We as humans at least most of us (lol) have become civilized where we feel protected and secure. That being said over time we put the anxiety emotion tucked away because we developed ways to make ourselves comfortable. We have a military that protects us, tv's and sports that entertain us and so on. We forgot about the fight or flight like a wild animal still has. My brother Scot (yes one "t") is a pharmacist and he told me anxiety medicine is top 5 seller along with heart and cholesterol medicine. I refused to take medicine for my anxiety because it was an emotion as bad as it feels at times, I needed to keep myself in check. Over time I have learned to manage it and keep at bay. I am by no means telling anyone else how to deal with it but anxiety and depression are your top major causes for addictions. Now I could go on and on but I am running out of steam. I just want to say, you can do this, you got it and God Speed be with you !! Believe in yourself.

I just find it amazing how the CEO's front teeth are all rotten, what a real pleasure it must be for his wife to kiss him. Also I cannot believe the statement," The best way to avoid death is not to be born". Are you kidding me. Wow shallow people. Great documentary.

Sounds GREAT Enjoy the day the moment and the time. One thing to look forward to is you may have some down days but they will NOT be as bad as your first days !!

Hi Robbie, I am still checking on your posts, they pop up in my email and your situation is going so much like mine was it really has my attention. 31 Days is a great achievement ... reward yourself in some way without nicotine. My only advice I can really give at this point is you are in the middle of the soup right now where many of us have been. You are to far in to give up but yet not far along enough to be stable. Thats okay I called it "Being on the brink of hell". Remember these times because these are times you don't want to ever go through again, as frustrating as it may seem it's also a blessing for you to learn from. I remember my mom once telling me, Craig not all blessings are good at the moment it's the out come that matters. Take each moment by each moment and minute by minute, don't sit and worry about the future or when this will pass. Give yourself time, there is no race and yes You Will Get Better ! Just take care of yourself and be kind to yourself, you are accomplishing one of the hardest addictions known to mankind. You Got This !!!

Well Hello again Robbie, all I can say is these struggles and up's and downs last. I am going to be straight forward with you on this, I have suffered with anxiety almost my entire life. At the age of 5 I had a step father that imprinted the flight or fight trigger in me. By 5 1/2 I was out of the situation. Just a bit of back round, we will leave it at that. Anyway as a teenager I started smoking, hell cool thing to do. Anyway 25 years old I was blind sided by anxiety, panic attacks and the feeling of derealization. Kinda like when you get so stone on pot reality just doesn't seem real. Anyway that lead to the panic attacks, just a vicious cycle. Took 6 months and I was better, still have it creeping around the corner yet but much more manageable after quitting smoking, and I smoked for 30 years. I don't take medicine because I can function and I exercise and besides there is always a root to the problem, it's just trying to find it that can be difficult sometimes. I'm not a fan of chronic but sometimes it is what it is and learn to manage it. That is why I stressed so much about each quit is unique, never compare because nobody but you have lived your life the way you lived it or your thought process. I have come to realize I can be my own worse enemy at times, as we all can be. Depression will lift anxiety will lift will it ever go away, I don't think so because those are emotions we are born with, it's what brings them out and how we learn to cope and deal with those emotions. That is why I stated also on research, research and research. The human mind is the most amazing thing as well as the human body, it's when we poison it with all these chemicals in tobacco, drugs and alcohol that we now have opened new door ways. You basically have to reteach your brain how to handle things without a smoke. Whether it be for pleasure or for stress or being pissed off, those are the three big triggers for me. I will admit it's hard not to over think things but sometimes you have to dig real deep to figure yourself out at times, if that makes any sense. I still have issues I deal with but you learn new coping skills over time, that's what is amazing about the human brain. I have come to value my body, mind and soul like I never have before. What an inner peace you will develop, it is truly amazing. You got this !!!

Hello again Robbie, Just had to check in, just a quick post. There were a few tools that I used to help myself that I didn't mention because I felt I rambled on enough but here are some. Go with your emotions as I stated and believe it or not try to welcome them. That is the first part in accepting change. I know they can seem a bit over whelming sometimes but just go with it. LOL I was afraid my anxiety would get so out of hand I would pass out....but then I figured good let me pass out at least that will keep me from feeling like this for a while. Well I never did pass out just a few panic attacks then came to terms with them. Also let your body do it's own thing, I read where you try and make yourself cough..that will come in time trust me. Mainly when you give that true deep heart felt laugh and a surprise is coming up your airway...lol. Another thing ..research research and research try and get as much information as you can on why is my body acting like this, why am I feeling like this, the steps on how my lungs are healing, my heart is healing, my nervous system is healing. Remember no matter how bad it feels you ARE NOT GOING TO GO CRAZY..thats the battle going on inside. Keep the Quit you got this !!!

Welcome Robbie, My name is Craig and It's just strange as to why I checked in tonight. Call it intuition or just being at the right place at the right time. Well to start things off I am off the cigs for quite some time now. Years to be exact but I will not give the time frame only because you need to focus on now and today and each minute. I recognize a few familiar names here and it's great to see them here still also. I can so relate with you as far as the depression goes. OMG it was so bad for me it dropped me to my knees some days. Just prayed to God to get me through this, I am not what you would call a every sunday church goer, actually not even close. But I have faith in my own way and it's very personal. I'm here to just relate as other here have also, it's a rollercoaster ride that will take you to the brink of hell then let you breath a little before it grabs a hold of you again. Addiction is a demon all of it's own nature, if it was easy nobody would be smoking, chew, snuff or vaping, knowing how bad it is for you. I have seen a man sitting at a bar with oxygen and light up..no joke. Oxygen caught fire and burned the left side of his face. McAllister was his last name a friend of my cousin, died a bit later a couple of years but the cigs did him in, 48yrs old. Now tell me that's not being addicted to the most extreme. Anyway the best advice I can give you is be patient with yourself, cry if you need to, yell if you need to, dance in circles if you need to, I use to walk out in the rain and just let it hit my face and cry. Just remember nobody knows when you cry in the rain. I'm not going to lie to you quitting smoking after 30 years was by far the hardest thing in my life I ever did. Just have faith in yourself and ride each bad minute or second out cause it will get better I promise. I will not give you a time frame on that either cause every quit is unique to that individual and personal. You can NEVER compare your quit to someone else. Don't question shouldn't I feel better by now, Why do I still have cravings ? My favorite one...When will this madness end ?? It will end when your body and brain are back in sync again. It will happen though..before you know it , it will be one good minute a day, then 5 good minutes, then 10, then a half hour and so on and so on. A few set backs along the way..of course why wouldn't there be, just be patient with yourself it will get better. Just need to learn new coping skills and believe it or not fun skills where I just plain ole enjoyed a smoke. It was both of them for me as many others are also. The best thing is realizing you are not alone on this, that is why this forum is here. It's a GOD sent for sure. I had anxiety and depression which go hand and hand from one extreme to the other. I do crave once and a while yet but it is so quick it's like a blink of an eye. I just think to myself ... really you can't think of anything better to think of than a smoke ? Get the h.. out of here. Move on to another thought just like that. Keep at it and you will be there one day. Another true and honest point I have to say is, I was so screwed up when I quit smoking that I am so afraid of where I was I don't EVER want that feeling again. That alone keeps me from ever lighting up again. If there ever was being at the brink of hell emotionally I was there ! Well I think I rambled on enough here, very sorry I can't keep checking in every day. This is a great place to get the help and courage you need to keep your quit. Those were very dark days in my life which I am glad I weathered the storm as you can also. Change isn't easy nor adjusting and learning new coping skills but they will all fall in place in time, be patient. I'm not going to say good luck on your quit, I am going to say, you got this and you can do it take the set backs in stride and don't be to hard on yourself. Believe in yourself and it doesn't hurt to ask for help ... Good Lord is there 24/7. Take Care. Sorry shows my quit time anyway..lol. You got this !!

Hello EVERYONE !!! I posted this back on March 10,2018 it is now September 2, 2020. I just want to quick say all those infected with covid I pray that you are getting better, all the rest STAY SAFE !! On to my post, I am still smoke free have very little cravings if any at all. They come and go so quick and they are more of a pain in the ass then anything. So quick but just letting you know hey I'm still here. The only advice I can give now is believe in yourself and you will make it. I did gain 20 lbs though..ugg, working it off though. Had some stressers in the last few years but managed through them. You come to realize after you lose your crutch with the ciggs that you really do have to believe in yourself. My anxiety is much more manageable which very seldom shows it's ugly face. Life really is good and much better is the best way of putting it. I feel sorry for those who can't experience it yet but it will come I PROMISE !! In closing, stay strong and smoke free my friends the rewards are priceless !!

thank you everyone for the support. Yes it's true if i was going to light up it probably would've been friday night or saturday morning. I did go the whole night with no sleep on friday. I did see the doc and minister today. Both went well. My minister nailed right on when she said probably the thing that bothers me the most without realizing it was...There was nothing I could do. I wanted to move him out of the way but there was nothing I could do. Helpless and not in control which is completely against human nature. I will not light up I just wont do it. Thank you all again for your support in means a lot !!

It's been 2 years Feb. 24th since I put the lung killers away. Anyway I will put it bluntly. I am an engineer for the railroad. Last Friday at night I struck and killed someone walking in the middle of the gauge at night. I will not give any details other than by no means was it the conductors or my fault. Did all we were suppose to do and he didn't move. The fact remains its a bit traumatizing knowing that you inadvertently took a human life. That is the pill I am having the most trouble swallowing. They are still investigating for drugs possible suicide or any other reason for him being there. All I know is my anxiety and cravings are threw the roof. Counselor can't see me until next week and I finally am back to work tomorrow. Just needed time off not disciplinary. Right now I guess I just need to vent and say a few things also. STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM RAILROAD TRACKS if walking. What also bothers me is the fact that if it was a suicide or even an accident they moved on but they also affected someone else life which isn't fair !! I don't know I have no answers only questions and how to manage this new type of stress.

nope !!!

Sorry I haven't replied to this topic or thank everyone for the help and encouragement I received when I started my quit. LMAO ...you should ask how I spent my 2 year quit. Well I didn't do anything different other than near the end of the day I looked at my wife and said..Hey it's been 2 years that I haven't smoked today. She looked at me and said ..i wondered if you were going to say anything or not, I didn't want to bring the subject up. That my friends is how much I think of it anymore. I have no desire to reflect or think about just how next to impossible it seemed to do. Don't get me wrong it's not all peaches and cream..that dam nicodemon peers it's ugly face now and again but nothing like that bastard use to be !! Thank you all once again and God bless all you who have quit and are trying. YOU CAN AND WILL DO IT. That's what I lived by.

Hang in there Opah. It sucks but give it time it gets better. There is no sugar coating or magic wand or anything other than sheer free will and power. It's an out right SOB and will do everything in your brain to keep you coming back. Plain and simple that is what addiction is. Sometimes finding comfort is next to impossible, understandable. Just grab the handle bars a little tighter and hang on!!

NOPE !!!!!

For me my triggers were stress and boredom. I have learned though over the past year I can deal with stress and I can find something to do when bored. Not everyday is easy but much easier than in the beginning. It short it's so true it does get easier, it may seem like it never will but it does, just hang on the ride will slow down.