backtoreality

NOPE. Not one puff today. Not one puff ever. But I'll settle for just today.

Two years! It's hard to conceive of that long but what an incredible achievement! Congratulations and thank you for being a living example of how good life can be on the other side of this addiction.

This is such an inspiration, Peace Train! You are amazing for getting this far and should be so proud!

I sure missed you, too.

I just read this again. Thank you, Babs, for writing it and please know how much it helps.

Nope. Not today.

Played on my stealth Core toy and got 6 whole minutes of planking exercises to strengthen my core, abs and arms. Walked the dog 4 times and biked along the Atlantic on South Beach.

Nope, nope...nope.

N.O.P.E. No more window licking

It's backtoreality, here. I quit smoking on January 18th, 2017. I started back again last night. I feel such self-loathing after being so over the moon and happy with my success. Maybe too much? I have been cheating my quit by having "just one" and felt that I could go on that way forever. One a week! The best of both worlds. I couldn't believe it when the first three days of hell were over (because I knew that nicotine only stays in the system for 3 days having done some exhaustive homework and reading these forum entries.) It seemed only too easy, if that makes sense, and I really want to be a nonsmoker. After each "freebie" I swore off of them again and managed to put together 18 days with a single cigarette a week. By week 3, they were tasting foul and I would get a dizzy feeling. But then my dog got sick. No excuse, but I used it as one. After smoking 10 cigarettes in a two day period, I bought a pack. When I went to work, I left it at home. Then I bought a pack at work! What a bone-headed thing to do to my still fragile quit. And now I have to start all over again. I am feeling so low. I let myself down. So how did it happen? I picked up a cigarette and lit it and breathed it in. I got cocky and thought I could Cheat the Monster of Nicotine. I let myself not think about the future and how one turns into a thousand for me. I went to my favorite corner store and didn't let it sink in that I might never have another quit in me and that I will likely die of the complications to my health once smoking was normalized in my brain. I didn't pick up and read my Allen Carr book. I didn't use my S.O.S message. In short, I blew it. And a lapse turned into a relapse. I feel so hopeless, but I'm really not. This evening at dinner I took the packs I bought over the last 2 days, soaked them in water and threw them away. Here's to a new resolve and slowly getting back to where I want to be. Smoke free from here on out.

I find myself romancing the cigarette too, sometimes, and since my quit is only 17 days old it's a dangerous feeling. What helped was to go to the dentist and have a deep cleaning done. It was way over-due and I've been putting it off for a solid year! It took 7 shots of novacaine and three and a half hours because they also replaced a bunch of metal fillings with ceramic ones. After that experience (which was really a positive one despite all the dread and fear I had about mouth shots and drills) I don't want to foul my mouth up again with disgusting smoke. The other side of my smile is going to be done in two weeks but now I feel like I'm so much cleaner. I also got an hour long massage last week with the money I've saved from not smoking.

I bought this toy to use that measures how long and how well I do planks. Before I quit smoking a plank was just a piece of wood that I could sit on and puff away. Now I'm working my core muscles. my glutes, my arms, shoulders and back! It's called the Stealth Core and it works with a phone app to keep track of progress. It was really painful to use at first but it's been five days and I'm getting better and better at it. Plus, it's fun!

nope adverb \ ˈnōp or with glottal stop instead of p \ Not today, filthy cig., not today!

Nope, nopity-nope. Not one puff ever.

13 days today! BTR (back to reality) chiming in to be proudly counted!