PinkyPromise

-9

"Hey, buy me a pack of smokes on your way home..." "Stop by the smoke shop and bring me a pack?" "Rough day, can you grab me some smokes?" I typed those out in my head, to my husband, over and over this afternoon, but I never sent them. I haven't had a cigarette since October 16th. No nicotine since last Thursday and here we are on Tuesday and I'm still hyper obsessed with cravings and withdrawals. Seems they have been lasting all morning for several hours the last few days -- just relentless. Whoever made the video claiming that after the 3rd day without nicotine your little cravings will "happen 3 times a day lasting 5 minutes each" was entirely and utterly hallucinating -- or straight up lying. Still coughing a little, nothing productive but it won't go away. I've put on probably 10 pounds in the last month now and all for the sake of feeling every bit as crappy today as I did the first few. On a positive note: donated ALL the rest of the Halloween candy to deployed troops so several purposes were served... soldiers get a little treat, daughter learns about giving thanks & showing appreciation, none of that stuff can make my ass any bigger now. 3 cheers for tomorrow not sucking as badly as today did.

I'm on it. Made it through another day now Bring it on, tomorrow!

This morning -- ALL morning has been the same as yesterday morning. It's nearly 1, my time. It doesn't feel like it'll stop. Eyes open at 5:30. I laid there until 6:30 when the kid's woke up. Tried to fall back asleep so I didn't have to think about it. Made my way through getting the kids dressed, breakfast, backpacks, papers signed, etc, etc, etc... 7:55, out to meet the buses. I don't know if it is withdrawals or cravings or even what the difference between the 2 is. I just know I'm ******* tired of it. I'm tired of feeling tired. I'm tired of SO many of my awake moments being completely consumed by focusing everything I've got on this internal dialogue about why I do not want or need to smoke. I'm tired of just doing mindless crap like laundry and cleaning and things I don't even have to think about doing -- all the while going over and over about how much better off I am for quitting. I'm tired of feeling anxiety. I'm tired of being pissed off at my fat friend for saying "Ohhh your poor lungs" to me -- my eyes rolled so hard I almost sprained one. I'm angry that she just had to tell me her stupid "how I quit after my first puff when I was 15" story. I think I need Doreen's punch pillow. This shouldn't be this way. It shouldn't actually physically make my chest tight, trying to fight smoking. It still isn't an "SOS" -- but I can say this -- I can't live like this for a whole lot longer. And now I'm just angry.

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I know we've all got different reasons for quitting, but prior to your quit, did you find that certain kinds of "encouragement" were exceptionally UNhelpful? Overall, in my personal experience, reformed smokers are really not bad. I've heard that a lot of times, people who quit end up feeling so passionate about their quit that they almost become "quit smoking crusaders" Just relentless when it comes to harassing people they know who still smoke. This friend of mine... I can't even have the topic come up. Thankfully she lives on the other side of the country from me, so our only communication is facebook and phone. Before I quit, she was on my case about it so much that there were times I just stopped talking to her for awhile. If I smoked when we were on the phone and she heard it, she'd have to make commentary like, "Ohhh, your poor, poor lungs..." She quit smoking. She's 46 years old -- she "quit" when she was like 15 or 16 years old after having "tried" a clove cigarette. She will tell you her big quit story and how if she can do it, you can too. She's also a recovering alcoholic. She quit drinking when she was 19... I want to say that she'd never actually been drunk before in her life but had only "tried" a beer or something but I'd have to ask for clarification (which I totally won't because I damn well don't need to open that door with her ) Her mother is an alcoholic and so she determined that she also was and decided at age 19 that she was an addict and would attend AA just long enough to get her chip. And every effing year since then she has gone back to a meeting to collect a chip. She posts a picture of herself kissing said chip on Facebook each year -- like she's done something incredible. I feel like it does a disservice to those who actually are alcoholics and who have had to seriously struggle with their addiction. Meanwhile -- the girl is morbidly obese, to use the accurate medical terminology. Never once have I said to her, "Ohhh your poor, poor heart!" I mean, who says that? She was on my case yesterday about how I should take up running or something else to help my body repair the years of damage I did. I just want to punch her in the face. Ok, not really. I've never actually punched anyone -- but come ON! Also, there was one time I was walking with my family down a shopping district street and my son was maybe 6 months old or so -- in his stroller. My daughter was 4. My husband is standing with the kids and we have "smoking area" sections blocked off so I was standing there smoking, looking through my phone email for a coupon Some old lady stopped her car and put down her window, pointed at my kids and started saying how beautiful they were... before I could say thank you, she went on to add about how it was too bad I was killing them or myself and ruining their lives or something. Did shit like that ever motivate anyone to quit?

Doreen, I don't know if this is the same stuff... but it's called "Bubbly" lol https://www.ebay.com/itm/240-ANGLO-BUBBLY-Full-Box-Of-Bubble-Gum-/122049495304?_trksid=p2385738.m2548.l4275 BKP -- This morning... I felt certifiable The rest of the day was awesome! I didn't have any kind of problems at all... but this morning was brutal, for a few hours even! RunFree -- remember Fruit Stripe?? It was sooooo good, but the flavor only lasted 2 minutes lol Joe... ohh, to sleep lol. I go to bed early (on my way now, in fact) but not so much for day time naps. My littles are too little still to be left alone for more than... well, about 6 seconds

the BIG O

-3

Thanks guys I have had OVERALL an ok time the last few days, but it feels like when a craving hits, it sweeps me off my feet. This morning a couple have come and gone. I've been emptying out my office, cleaning & organizing (rest of the house looks like ass, but my office is lookin' smashing LOL). Keep having fleeting thoughts about "just one" So much more than "just one" I find that I really do not want to be back where I am right now and I keep thinking maybe tomorrow will be better. Or maybe even 20 minutes later will be better. *sigh*

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Yes! Thanks Bakon I went downstairs and opened a BlowPop -- which was immediately ganked from me -- directly out of my mouth, by my 3 year old. Then I got a new one and my 6 year old felt cheated -- so she grabbed one. Hubby was like -- well, WTF. So he got one too. Now it's bed time... extra tooth brushing time first

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I feel like I'm -2 I'm going with -2 -2

-1 Boo, don't be a fart face. I stole that fancy insult from my 6 year old. OK -- editing to add, I really feel like I screwed this up -- someone be a doll and fix the numbers...

I just ate a nice, med-rare steak... garlic butter sauce, steamed broccoli, loaded baked potato. Thanks so much to the cravings induced Halloween candy binge I've been on for the last 2 weeks I feel like I better go put some pajama pants on (basically, buffet pants) -- these jeans are going to cut off the circulation to the entire lower half of my body. It isn't even 7 p.m. my time and I want to go lay in bed and binge watch "Top 10" on YouTube. I hope that when one day I am feeling awesome about my quit, I can go back and look at all the dumb shit I said and how I felt.

What do I start with??? I never started! 0?

I don't know why I added this to the Quit smoking discussion... maybe should have been socializing. I don't know. Someone tell me how dumpy their first month was but how amazing they feel now.

This is not an SOS, I'm not going to go buy cigarettes. I robbed one of those nasty, green apple super bubble chewing gum pieces from the kid's Halloween bucket. This whole quitting smoking thing is like the worst and most shittiest constructed roller coaster of all time. OK, I had the throw that green apple super bubble away because it started to feel like flavorless wax. I fished out a piece of Trident Cinnamon -- much better. What's your favorite gum?

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