Christian99

Wishing you all the best and grateful for your assistance to other quitters, Dave-- C99

Sounds like you're doing great, Toc--keep up the fabulous work!! It can be helpful at this point to think about and make some plans for situations in which your confidence wanes or if life throws you some curveballs. Hopefully, these things won't happen, but if they do, you'll have some tactics to help you through. You're an inspiration, friend-- Christian99

Keep grinding, Brioski. These extended periods are terrible--I still remember them more than twenty years after the fact. One of the things that helped me through them (at least a little bit) was my honest assessment that if I failed to maintain my quit I was not sure when or even if I would be able to quit again. Given how much I had invested in the process, that was a frightening thought, even more frightening I guess than the horrible current reality and the uncertainty of when (and IF!) things would get better. It had to be now, and the quit would take the shape (and include the misery) that it would. But it had to be now. And things DID get better--better than I could ever have imagined. That freedom and joy are waiting for you, too; in fact, I'd argue that you're developing even greater capacity for them through the very challenges that you're currently experiencing. That's not at all meant to minimize the difficulties themselves (I know, they SUCK), but it is meant as a reminder, a promise, and an expression of admiration of the transformation you are making. You're doing it, friend; keep grinding. Wishing you strength and peace-- Christian99 21+ Years Quit

You've gotten lots of great advice, LOF. As some have said, expecting to wake up one day and be "ready" can be really counterproductive (though it's certainly understandable): similar to DenaliBlues, I was profoundly ambivalent as I began my quit, but with some important and consistent changes to my daily routines, I was able to slowly quit my way into certainty, confidence, and peace. But that shift takes time, and it's hard if not impossible to discern it happening on a day to day basis. The interesting (and confusing) contradiction is that one can feel miserable (on Day 1 or Day 21) but that is still "success" because succeeding in this enterprise ultimately doesn't have anything to do with how one feels at a particular moment. It's about remaining completely smoke free at all times, and every moment you do that is a win. You can do it, friend, and it will change your life. Christian99 21+ Years Quit

Incredible, inspirational work, Brioski!! Treat yourself today, friend--you deserve it! C99

Welcome LOF-- It's important to know that it CAN be done; YOU can do it. You've already gotten some great advice, and I want to underscore the point about changing your morning routine. For me, that meant standing at the stove and making real oatmeal, the kind that benefits from regular stirring. That physical act helped me, and I even began to have some fun experimenting with different ways to make and add various items to my morning oatmeal (or what my wife sometimes called my "gruel"). One key, I think, is to make some changes--morning and otherwise--that work for you and your personality. There is definitely not a single way to do this. Knowing that I tend towards the obsessive a bit, I decided to start a daily exercise regimen and made significant changes to my diet: my thinking was that this would give me something else to concentrate on instead of the thing I was ostensibly denying myself. (I also used nicotine gum and wellbutrin for about two months.) That worked for me, but it definitely wouldn't work for everyone: sh*t, I like to say that the Ben and Jerry's approach (that is, getting through the initial stages with comfort foods) is just as legitimate as more abstemious methods like mine. And, given one's personality type, it may very well be better. The most important thing is to quit and to reclaim your health and freedom from smoking. Let me reiterate that you CAN do this. And, deep down, you know you must. We're here for you, friend-- Christian99 21+ Years Quit

AWESOME!! Incredible, inspirational work, Claire! It CAN be done. C99

You make great, important points here, Yoda: one of the implications of them (for me) is that there are fewer downsides to NRT than many cold turkey advocates sometimes suggest. Claims of the quitters who, for instance, are still chewing nic gum years after they stopped smoking are wildly overstated and hyperbolic IMO, and I've always been concerned that such messages (and the overall fetishization of the Cold Turkey quit) have limited overall quitting success rates (because people who might benefit from NRT are instructed and that the "best" or even only way to quit is CT). I'm not nearly as active in the cessation community as I used to be, so I don't know if the CT message is as strident and even exclusionary as it used to be. But my sincere hope is that more people have come to understand and honor the many different ways to effectively and healthily quit smoking. Christian99 21+ Years Quit

While this setback is still fresh in your mind, Darcy, I wanted to share a few (kind, non-judgmental) thoughts. Specifically, after serious attempts to quit like this one, I'm pretty convinced that it's impossible to smoke in "normal" unreflective ways again: you've distanced yourself from the denial that accompanies active addiction, and you're even more aware of the damage that each cigarette is doing to you. This uneasiness is ultimately a good (though certainly not pleasant) thing, especially if you leverage it to get back to the crucial, life-affirming work of becoming and remaining smokefree as soon as possible. At least for me, my initial unsuccessful attempts demanded that I confront the fundamental question of whether I could/wanted to see myself as a smoker for the rest of my life. And, despite my addiction, I simply could not imagine a lifetime of smoking and realized, ultimately, that I just had to start again--this time with a frightening but courageous commitment that no matter how crappy I felt and for however long, I would stay smokefree. I know that you can do something similar, and in the process that disappointment (and even self-loathing) you're experiencing now will become a a kind of transformative pride that will shape your future in extraordinary ways. Join us again sooner rather than later, friend--we know you can do this. Christian99 21+ Years Quit

If anyone is interested in reading and thinking more about the tobacco industry, I recommend Robert Proctor's Golden Holocaust (U of CA P, 2012). It's a carefully researched, thought provoking, and troubling book that shows, in substantial detail, the ways in which companies manipulate the chemistry of cigarettes for maximum addictiveness and spend billions on fostering/normalizing the associations between smoking and "freedom." It also offers a pretty persuasive argument on phased in abolition, highlighting how cigarettes are fundamentally unlike other consumer products and are more akin to (and should be regulated/prohibited like) substances such as Thalidamide, PCBs, etc. In general, I support decriminalization regarding drugs, but this book has deeply informed my thinking on the benefits and possibilities of eliminating the availbility of corporate tobacco products. Christian99 21+ Years Quit ib

Among the many benefits/pleasures of being quit, I'd highlight the fact that my smokefree status is always there, always a reminder of one of the greatest and most important things I've done in my life. So if I'm having a particularly difficult moment/day/etc., I can always reflect on and celebrate this achievement. Christian99 21+ Years Quit

Way to go, Brioski! Just keep soldiering on and cherishing those moments of insight, beauty, and peace--over time, they'll become even more frequent! I love the additional things you're doing for yourself: you certainly deserve them, and they can assist in the development of the new, smokefree you. Up in Syracuse, NY, we're having a nice day, but things are scheduled to get a little snowy and slushy this evening. Where, in general, are you in Jersey? I grew up in Central NJ and then lived in Westfield for a few years in my 20's as well. Cheers, friend, and keep up the awesome work-- Christian99

I felt a lot like you at 4 weeks, Brioski--it's crucial, I think, to know that this misery is NOT a referendum on the strength and quality of your quit. I know that doesn't make the experience of it any easier, but it can be tempting to infer that you're doing something wrong or that your quit is somehow just a relapse waiting to happen. That is not the case. At some point in my first year, when things seemed like they were never going to get any better, I came to the realization that I would stay quit even if things never got any better. And of course they didn't (and ultimately got better than I could ever imagine); in fact, I think that was the beginning of a kind of peace and acceptance for me. I wish I had an easy recommendation to get you to that place, but I don't. But I hope you'll hold onto my promise that things WILL get better, in a way and at a time that works for you. I sometimes tell people that quitting was far more difficult than I thought it would be (and I went in with pretty realistic expecations) but/and far more transformative. Given the latter, I'd sign up in a second for double the misery (and it was pretty miserable for me) for the freedom and peace on the other side. We're all pulling for you, friend--stay close. Christian99 21+ Years Quit

Warmest congratulations!!! Don't be afraid to acknowledge and even to lean it to the difficulties--most people are not "all better" just a week or two into this journey, and the commitment you're demonstrating is truly inspirational. I had a really rough go of it in the initial stages, and I've wondered, sometimes, if those challenges actually contributed to the strength and durability of my quit. I really don't know about that, but what I do know is that they were necessary for ME. And that's my recommendation to you--keep doing exactly what you're doing. You're winning. Christian99

Fantastic, Saving!! Exercise and a very healthy diet helped me in the initial stages--the former was especially valuable in dealing with the excess anxiety that accompanied the quit. But do whatever works for you. This will change your life, and we all know you can do it. Best, Christian99 21+ Years Quit

Hi Molly-- It's FANTASTIC that things have been pretty good in these first couple of days. I sincerely hope that it remains that way (and it's possible they will), but be ready with some tactics to deploy if things get bad--even really bad. Remember that there is no legitimate reason to smoke and, ultimately, abstinence is always possible and always the right choice. Keep up the great work! Christian99 21+ Years Quit

You make a really good point about a singular focus on abstinence--I'm told that AA has a concept called being a "dry drunk," which has some relevance here. I was actually concerned that this was what I was experiencing in the first year of my quit (in part because one or two people [supportively] noted that I sounded like one in my regular whining, uncomfortable posts). I really don't know if I fell victim to that, but I do know that my daily exercise and dramatic changes to my diet helped to slowly develop the new healthy persona I was creating. In fact, this reminds me that from the outset I think I shifted my goal from becoming a "non or ex smoker" to becoming a "healthy person who didn't smoke." But, again, you're right, I think, to reflect on and resist a fetishization of abstinence and/or to see it as only the initial step. I'm grateful for your insights and experiences, in part because I'm dealing with (unrelated though fairly substantial) health challenges right now--just like when I had my cardiac issues, I'm trying to use my quit experiences to better navigate these difficulties. Christian99

So beautifully and thoughtfully expressed, Denali--so much of what you say resonates with me and my experiences. For me, the critical challenge (and the concept that I just couldn't authentically accept) was the idea that one's (positive) mindset was the thing that was necessary to succeed in this endeavor. And, finally, after some years of discomfort with that (and confusion regarding why I couldn't seem to adopt the "right" mindset), I sort of decided that, for me, it would be about action(s)--the little actions and the larger behaviors that would enable me to make it through each hour without lighting up. And even if I were miserable or if my mindset sucked (which was quite often), simple abstinence would be the thing that mattered to me. Through this (often very painful and definitely lengthy) process, I kind of quit my way into certainty, peace, pride, and, well, a positive mindset. Ultimately, I'm pretty convinced that this is only way it could have happened for me. For whatever reason, I've never participated in daily NOPE posts, which were also important features of the online quit community I was a part of in the first couple of years of my own journey. But you make a compelling case for joining the thread and using it in whatever way feels comfortable. There's so much power in solidarity and collective accountability, but as you rightly suggest, one can participate partially, messily, indioscyncratically. And my own experiences tell me that those gestures, repeated every single day, can slowly change "NOPT" and "SNOTT" to full-throated and unambiguous expressions of "NOPE." Thank you so much for your post--newer quitters here are served so well by your insights and inspiration. Christian99 21+ Years Quit K

Keep up the fabulous, life-affirming work, Molly: quitting is the single most important thing you can do for yourself, and you'll be transformed in the process. Indeed, that transformation is already happening. Others may have mentioned this already, but remember that recovery is not a linear process in the short term. Thus, Day 8 can be frustratingly, terrifyingly more difficult than, say, Day 4: it takes time to recalibrate your responses to all the different kinds of stimuli that we associated with smoking. And FWIW, I think that this lack of linearity (i.e., the fact that it doesn't necessarily get "better" every day in the initial stages) is a major reason for failed quits by even the most well-intentioned quitters. Of course, over the long term, quitting DOES follow a predictable trajectory, and there's no question that you'll ultimately be free from the struggles of this early period and achieve a kind of peace and pride through your persistence. We know that because it happened (or is happening) to all of us; at the same time, we all know and can empathize with your difficulties. So you're not alone. We're pulling for and are inspired by you, friend-- Christian99 21 Years Quit

Awesome work, Amy!!! I hope you'll treat yourself (SUBSTANTIALLY) for this extraordinary achievement. Warmest congratulations-- Christian99

So sorry to hear it's been difficult recently, Linda--we know exactly how you're feeling, and it's great that you posted. I really like your formulation that smoking "is what I THINK will bring me comfort"--for me, the phrasing itself shows you analyzing the experience instead of just being subject to the crappy--even cravey--experience. Doesn't make it any less uncomfortable, to be sure, but it's telling that you see the cigarette/comfort connection as the fiction that it is; and as Denali notes above, it takes time to establish more authentic forms of peace and pleasure. Keep up the fabulous work, friend! Christian99 21+ Years Quit

Incredible work, friend--warmest congratulations! C99

Thanks so much, friends Christian99

Awesome, Denali!! Please treat yourself today for this incredible accomplishment, friend. Christian99

Keep up the fabulous work, WW. We're all proud of and pulling for you! Christian99