"Never give up! Keep trying........"
I had a reaction when I reached this part of your post. It seems to me that this right here is what lies at the heart of your relapse. As long as you continue to "try" you will continue to struggle. This is how it has worked (and also not worked) for me anyway. In previous quits, I definitely remember that feeling of trying to quit. I'd even say it out loud if offered a smoke. "No thanks. I'm trying to quit". In all those previous quit attempts that's as far as it went- trying. Inevitably, the moment comes when you're just not trying hard enough. Or something else is just trying harder to get you to smoke. In my view, it was the mindset that smoking is not, under any circumstances, an option. It doesn't matter what kind of physical, mental, emotional, situational chaos is going on... there is no smoking. Period. Stop trying and just do.
