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Kellemae

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  1. Kellemae

    Day 4

    By Kellemae,

    8am. So i hope i dont have to start over again because of my slip yeaterday. Y was i thinking so stupidly. More importantly, y was my boyfriend being stupid? He had almost a month of not smoking, and he gave away his quit for somewhere around 3 cigarettes from what i counted, provably more after i left. And he knew i was on my 3rd day, it seemed dickish of him to just leave me inside and go smoke with his friends. Im boiling with anger. But fr me at least it is a new day, i cant let all of that hinder today.
     
    12pm. Busy day cooking food going to work later, and just keeping things on track. School starts up again next week so i gotta make sure i am prepared for that.
     
    10pm, finished with work, no real bad cravings today, i think the worst is behind me? Maybe
  2. Kellemae
    7am up bright and early.... oww, cant move.... curse that physical trainer, im in pain, i got out of bed like im 80 yrs old. Took the dog outside, cant do stairs cuz my quads hurt from 30 squats.... ugh... ahh ha theres the purple monster in my head laughing at me and my pain.... he says he can take my pain away for 1 cigatette..... no thanks dude iv made it this far just fine.
     
    11 am cooking forever it seems, made 3 complete meals because i want to eat better. And honestly it takes my mind off my pain and the purple monster in my head.
     
    4pm at work now, bored the purple monster is trying to talk to me, been good about ignoring him even tho he is playing with the neurons in my brain, cuz just like me, he is bored too. Ill keep reading this book "Quit and Stay Quit" by Terry A Rustin MD.... it at least helps me pass the time and stay focused forward so i dont have to look at the purple monster.
     
    11pm. Ugh i hate this... went out with my boyfriend and a few of his friends.... was fine until he went to join them to have a cigarette.... i was mad, hurt, and disappointed because he was supposed to have been quit for a few weeks at this point... i went outside and was going to join in, i took the cigatette someone handed me took 2 puffs and thought, this doent help me, im not getting bavk at him more then im throwing away my quit.... i handed my boyfriend the cigarette and went back into the bar.... i waited a little bit but gouldnt get over my frustration sovi glosed out my bar tab and left.... i csme home and im in bed now, im disappointed my boyfriend has not texted me back.... since i left the bar almost 2 hrs ago iv texted him a damn book explaining how i felt. Guess i just go to bed angry, confused, and maybe a little jealous.
  3. Kellemae
    hours 1- 9 Sleeping
    8:22AM I woke up and looked around, hey I'm still alive. Took one look at the clock, "crap I need to be at the gym at 8:30" ran out the house, did not brush my hair or take the dog out, "shit i wont be too long". Got to the gym and realized I did not have a craving yet.... probably because the trigger is taking the dog out. "huh that's interesting"
     
    hour 11: 10:00AM- Got home, still no craving, took the dog out, still no craving. had a protein shake, small craving. spent the next 2 hrs playing with the dog, and cleaning my kitchen.
     
    hour 14: 1pm - I feel fine. eat lunch, big salad with chicken and crutons and cheese.... for desert, a donut and glass of milk..... now im tired.
     
    Hour 16: 3pm exhaustion leads to naps, naps ensure my quit, woke up from the nap and went to the grocery store, no major cravings yet.
     
    Hour 18: 5pm cooking breakfasts for the next few days just to keep occupied.
     
    Hour 21: 8pm. My boyfriend came to visit, watched a movie, ate some snacks, cuddled on the couch. Bo cravings at all while he was here.
     
    Hour 23: 10 pm, what is it about this time of night that i always get a massive craving? Fought tooth and nail through the craving.... giving up and going to bed.....
  4. Kellemae

    Day 1

    By Kellemae,

    Hour 1-9: easy.... I was asleep through this part.
    Hour 10: 8AM I woke up and had the usual morning craving when I took my dog out for a walk, I actually went around the block instead of sitting on the step to have a smoke.
    Hour 12: 10AM cravings getting a little more intense now, but I read alot of information online about nicotine and what it really actually does to your body.
     
    Hour 15: 1pm Had to go to the school for a program planning session, I had major road rage on the way there, so I stopped and got some food and ended up eatting more then normal which scared me a little, but then thought I had not eatten anything at all today.
     
    Hour 17: 3pm Went to work right after my program planning session, I got there a full hour before I was scheduled to start, I was feeling pretty exhausted so I took a catnap in my car.
     
    Hour 24: Through work I was absolutely fine, my exhaustion went away, I was left with a pretty minor headache...... When I left work I was hit with a massive craving..... if I closed my eyes I saw the little purple monster behind my eyelids playing with my nervous system begging for me to feed him. every time I came upon a gas station he would send his signals through my brain as hard as he could to cause me to stop and buy cigarettes, but I screamed louder reciting my nope pledge until he shut up. That was the most exhausting drive home ever.
     

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