Still winning

Taken a while for me to answer this post, all still a little raw, although luckily I never made it to that room!! I am greatful. I think the term use is rodeo - I was no stranger to having dodgy cervical cells, I don't know as if I ever believed the link with smoking, certainly I quit not putting the two together in my case. So yes, smear tests yearly, 5 sets of burning or freezing or cutting bits of cervix off. Been happening since I was 21. No kids they said, had 2, it's me, I never could listen well. So I was quite blase about it in honesty. So yes in July 2011 getting called back for a repeat smear was more annoying then anything else. It was friday and I had a real busy weekend planned, my in laws were down to help and my then useless husband was even off work, probably more for his parents! So I went thinking here we go again and all I really came out of that doctors office with was the words "it's developed". I feel like the word developed was on a loop! Of course I was supposed to take someone with me, but there wasn't really anyone and who knew that story was coming anyway! In hindsight of course I was in shock but I decided I needed starbucks coffee?! So walked into town. They'd blocked part of the pavement off, I was supposed to walk in the road to go around but I was furious so I walked straight under scaffolding and building work and literally yelled at a guy who dared question me. Got my coffee and walked home. I looked around at my sister, husband, mum, in laws and thought no, not one of you is worth telling and walked away to be alone. I wasn't in the blue room, I was in the space age looking burning room. Few minutes is all and you could even drive after if you like but god it was like sunburn, terribly so both inside and out. Radiation. That and tons of tablets and I had no idea why, or for how long but it wasn't the Blue room and I was greatful, I couldn't hide that could I! Went down to 8 stone through sheer fatigue and nausea all the time! Kept running a pub, two kids, kept it all inside, never told a soul till 2 weeks before. Told 3 staff as I needed people to cover. I'd decided a hysterectomy was the only way to be sure it was all gone. They talked of shrinking and meds but I just wanted it out of me!! Get it out so I can stay with my kids was my only thought really. Told everyone else it was due to problems and it was a long term solution to bad periods. Weekly by that stage due to the crazyness and they all believed that. Did tell Chris (my now fella) the week before, he was the only one I confided in. 2 months later in September, the then hubby dropped me to the hospital and went home to look after the kids as I'd asked him too. I didn't want him there in case he heard the unmagic word. Still amazed to this day he agreed to that? It's a contributor to being an ex now. Went down alone, no tears,no drama and it was done. All I asked was is it gone I heard and what I needed was yes thankfully. There apparently was not as much as they'd expected. I cry as I write this line but I wait everyday to hear they missed a bit, or it went somewhere else. In hindsight being busy was no reason to delay my smear test which I was supposed to have yearly but had left it two years through being busy. I really wish I hadn't smoked and I really wish I could of stopped sooner. I agree with Bakon. This is the real story of smoking. It's people who can explain to other people. Perhaps someone can read his story or mine even and just know it's time to be done and that smoking really is a mugs game. Like russian roulette only, with your health.

Aww that's pants my lovely. Hope you're better soon. xx

oh goodness, please don't become a zombie, you're too pretty for that!!

Born mid 70s. Still love the style of the 80-s, all that lace and later in England the tie dye stuff - I want that wardrobe again!! The music was fab too. I guess technically a child of the 90s though, finished school in 92. Can never decide between Phil Collins and Linkin Park which I guess shows diversity music wise lol.

you gonna be fabuloso darling!! Just keep your focus and I will be willing you on from afar. x

-6 Yeah for sure I had no idea what the others were saying for the tunes lol

They put me forward as I have a cough that won't shift from quitting, plus some shoulder pain - the two together send cancer flags and I get checked if I sneeze hard now lol. Sorry, that don't help does it. x

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Whatever works for you...is the right way. Trust your instincts. x

-15 Typical men, 1 victory and they are living vicariously off of the one win!! Bet they're all sitting in their pants now telling tales of victorious winning streaks haha.

Oh Sharon, I wondered what was wrong, although never doubted your quit. Sorry to hear of your loss, I kind of suspected something bad as you often popped on. I am so very sorry, you and your family are in my thoughts honey. xx

I'm gonna take it that I'm just that special because there's two threads running for me :) Thanks all and Bandito. You are hands down my favourite skirt wearing fella :) Thank you one and all. I do so love a celebration!! Having a lovely cup of yorkshire tea (posh tea!) to celebrate. Sure there will be a less special glass of sav blanc later ;)

congrats on fighting those old demons Laura NOPE. x

Aww the english gentleman has boarded the boat :) Congrats on your anniversary of smobriety for a year. That's epic news and so well deserved. Occassionally you see someone who just goes the extra mile because they can. It's pretty rare but you are definately in that bracket. Always going above and beyond, responding to people and helping them make sense of their quits. On a personal note thanks for your involvement in my journey from the very 1st post I did. Hope they got decent booze lined up mate and that you do something to celebrate this massive milestone which started such a change in you and tasha's life. Truly an inspirational quit from a bit of man flu :) xx

Aww I would have loved to celebrate with you on a selfish note :) Massive congrats on 2 weeks!! Hope it's going well and you post soon so we can hear how things are going for you. x

sorry for your loss. x

That's exactly how it's done, perfect! Don't let it take hold of you, acknowledge it and then shake it off and move on with your day. Great work!! x

Jengels man - you make cute kids huh! That is awesome with the rugby ball too, he'll be a proper sportsman :) Super cute!

I've had a test (the uk equivalent, probably budget). I've seen this illness in action and it scares me witless. I think it's great your medical profession are taking this risk seriously. xx

Less then 3 hours english time! Little traumatised that MQ is on Thomas but assume that's a different post...