Still winning

-14

Aww you're a worryer Chrys, it's not awolf hybrid, I know that such animals should be in the wild where they belong :) It's been breeding husky's, malamutes and german shepherds over a period of time that facially have some "wolflike" features. All good, defo want a pet dog. x

Thank you, genuinely! You made a difference and I'm pleased you're back for a bit :) Some bits are a game changer and just resonate. I carry the line of the vigilant quit survives with me daily, it makes my quit solid. Having the girls is celebrating me in a way...I wasn't supposed to be able to have children due to dodgy cervical cells that later became cancerous, but not before fighting the odds and having two kids. Wow, it's late and that's made me teary, but it's true...it's the craziest story...can't have kids, try 1 nearly die, try again, to be sure and bobs ya uncle...two girls. Would have kept going if my men weren't a bit suspicious generally and all me bits worked better haha...but 2's good. Blessed for sure, that's why they have the middle names Grace and Faith :) Thanks Doreen, I like the doggie plan. Maybe for my Milly tbh, she desperately wants a dog and I want her to be happy.... either way, sounds like a plan, but shhhh, maybe still a holiday first, (fingers crossed).

This makes me happy. You will be so much stronger for facing that trigger down squarely, you'll see :) Sometimes calling it a day and going to bed is for the win. Delighted your quit is safe and sound, as suspected and that today is better. It always passes if you don't give it head space! Great work, well done. xx

Don't fink so... but ta muchly :)

You have all made my boring day filled with love and light, thank you. For my treat we have decided to get a dog, as ya do :) Looking at this breed right now as I do love a wolf....http://www.julestar-northern-inuits.com/studdogsbreedingbitches.htm So my day hasn't all been about kids and sick mothers and Aldi supermarket runs haha. Thank you all, you will never know how much the support has meant to someone like me. xx

Waiting to hear from you my lovely. Canada should be waking soon. Check in for us, let us know how you're feeling today. xx

As sandalwood calms and eases the nerves...perhaps that's what you need to get creative? So in that case maybe some lavender. Vanilla is great for creativity and for lifting a mood. Like Babs I hear good things about cinnamon but I just don't like the smell. I use peppermint scents when I write if I want to calm my head (it helps tension headaches) and just allow my brain a freeflow My all time fave for relaxing into doing something is ylang ylang, writing, decorating, even in the bath it's great :) Any of the citrus scents will give you a shake up if that's the mood. Orange/tangerine more creative than the others but lemon, limes etc, those are my I'm in the doldrums and need a swift kick scents. x

Good, get angry but use it constructively. Be angry that you were held in the vice grip of addiction and then celebrate that you see it now and will make damn sure you stay free of it from now on. The triggers are simply your brain remembering what you would do in this situation before, get mad and then get happy... it means you're a non smoker now. They will pass, everything good and bad passes, triggers are no different. Get busy and distracted. Days already turned into weeks, you're doing amazing, just keep marching, for today :) One day soon, you won't think of smoking at all...and when you realize you'll really smile! Then suddenly the day turns into days, like your quit did and it all feels ok and normal and having those thoughts is the odd day here and there. You are exactly where you need to be in the journey right now, trust your inner strength and keep moving. x

This makes my heart happy Bandito, thank you so very much. At the risk of sounding overly gushy and lovey, you really did save my life more times than you will ever know and kept some sanity...in your defense I started with less than the average Joe :) Love ya an, it's been a journey and a half and I will always be there for you. In the usual way that happens life got in the way of the celebrating, but please know I am literally bouncing around like tigger with excitement at this milestone and have been for a good day or so now...and crying at the lovely words. Happiness is being sure you're on the right path, thanks for the steering me all here when I tried to veer off course. Off to bulk purchase kleenex tissues. x

Jeez it's a lot of writing, I talk too much :) 1 year and 1 day ago I wrote something on a support forum. I had no idea where it came from, I am a strong woman for sure, but this sounded like it had unending strength to "get er done" and I didn't have that for quitting! I had tried and failed many times from July through to last March, all roads led back to smoking. Social, weekend, less than a pack, more than before - all smoking! In truth I desperately wanted the quit...I just didn't know how not to be a smoker! By the time I got to a board I was depserate, confused, exhausted with trying and failing and assuming, if I'm truthful, that it would all end in dying of smoking eventually! So then when I wrote this I felt like I unearthed some real magic from somewhere I hadn't had access to in myself before: 10pm, March 11 2014: My champix is taken and my quit date set, I have literally tried all other options and this is my last one. However my partner and mother both smoke. My Mum is disabled and has copd so can't actually get outside to smoke. It's not an excuse because I will no longer let it be but I failed previously because there are always going to be cigs around the house, that's not changing for now so I must have a better plan....but if I quit, maybe they will too?? Either way I would appreciate any tips, or things that really helped you if you think it could help me. I want this sooo badly as does my 8 year old daughter, I've gone from 30-40 to around 10 per day since preparing myself but I know the road is tough. So what helped you?? I genuinely want this to be the end and am prepared to go through whatever it takes now. Thank you. x As I waited for the (mixed) responses to come in I lit my last cigarette that I will ever smoke. Answers ranged from "suck it up buttercup" (gee thanks), to "you got this" (do they even know how many failures I have, well no) to "just jump". That last gem stuck with me, I mean there's a nike ad saying just do it isn't there. What would happen if I just jumped!! It's not really me, I am a planner. I was already on champix, had tried patches, mega allergies and fights to get the champix yada yada...I'm a planner :) So what could actually go wrong if I jumped? Now I was really thinking, what about if I jumped and just here on the forum gave people the real me, the stories as they unfolded, utterly unheard of.. I am the queen of repression and hide everything so I look strong, so this was all new. But it felt like the whole journey had to be real and that for the first time, I would let people help me and not be so independent. I tried to light a "final farewell cigarette" the next morning, and couldn't do it. I put it out and mentally dug in. So I started a really crazy journey. I took a bit from here and a bit from there. Quitting is a journey, not an event. SNOT, grimness, but means smoking is not on the table...if it's not what can I do instead, I spent a lot of time smoking. NOPE not one puff ever...oh thank gods, someone added just for today in little words, forever was far too huge for me, I was struggling minute by minute! No one is more addicted, we are all addicts - no likey! I am not an addict I am a very strong woman...oh, will ya look at that, seems I'm an addict...and then the acceptance, brutal as it was. I visualized a smoke free me, I chanted, I switched from foot to foot shouting nope...I was an all fired nut job haha...but I was a non smoking nutter, so all good. Whyquit imagine if I was one of those who died young, I imagined telling my kids. I read horror stories and sobbed, I got really friggin real about what I was doing to myself and what a selfish tit I'd been. Then came the deeper understandings. I cried the day I realized I would never have "just one" again. It felt like a grieving moment. I knew it was sick, but it was hard for me. I hated the cravings/triggers, how very dare they try and come for me, I raged, I cried (A LOT) and one godawful night in April some precious folk talked me down off the most horrible emotional ledge, I still cry if I read my own SOS from back then. I felt like I literally was in battle with myself. In hindsight, I made it much harder for myself than it needed to be. Once I understood that, that I was already a non smoker, there was no fight, there was just day to day (really thank you Stu) then it got easier. As I stopped being scared I wasn't medicating my emotions with nicotine or repression and allowed myself to feel them and not be afraid to go through them, I got stronger. I let the most wonderful man ever talk to me like I was worthwhile as a person, not just the strong one who copes and felt validity in all I felt. I am honest in saying he saved my life, I know some of my strength was borrowed. So then, if I was now real, and free then I needed to test it, so I added exercise and loved that too! I still like burgers far too much but all healthy is too much for now lol. I had the money to holiday and extend my skills for a potential spiritual business. But more than that, I started to believe if I wanted it and worked at it, I could actually achieve anything, well maybe apart from being an astronaut, that ship sailed I guess but mostly anything else. As I stopped being fake and strong for everyone the fight back around me was immense. As numbers of people tried to "put the lid back on the box" but it was too late. I was proud of who I was and what I had done in my life, but also confident that I was worthwhile and carried a value that few around me had ever given. Some stood with me, some dissapeared and some fought. I still fight but I carry strength and support from a powerful journey. So I do say, if you do the journey the hard way, there's still value in it and all roads lead to rome. So 1 heartwrenching SOS and 2 serious wobbles where thoughts of my buddy carried me through, I had given my word and I never break a promise. From desperate worries about whether I was even a likable if my own mother was so crazy mean to me were met with adoption from Nancy via chat. A throwaway support line made me stand back up and re commit to my journey. All the way through this board people have been throwing me a rope and helping me, mostly never knowing how much and I can only aspire to be half as lovely and supportive as some here. Wow, feeling chatty I guess! So my advice is trust and post. Believe and visualize yourself in the place you want to be and then backtrack back to one day, one moment at a time and let your sheer strength of self belief start to grow. It's about being the person you were always meant to be as much as it's about not being a smoker anymore and maybe trust in a little magic because it's everywhere. Magic in the deep breaths I can take, and the stamina I now carry. The strength of will and the gentle support I will offer as others did to me. I will always carry with me the eureka moment of a post by Markus though, no quitter is stronger than another. It's the vigilant quit that survives. This makes sense, the person who is aware of all their addictions and has learnt what that means will keep themselves alert to potential danger times. More than that look the addiction square in the eye and batter it down... Marti, 1 - Addiction, shush now your got nothing that can make me give up this freedom!!

1 year and 1 day ago I wrote something on a support forum. I had no idea where it came from, I am a strong woman for sure, but this sounded like it had unending strength to "get er done" and I didn't have that for quitting! I had tried and failed many times from July through to last March, all roads led back to smoking. Social, weekend, less than a pack, more than before - all smoking! In truth I desperately wanted the quit...I just didn't know how not to be a smoker! By the time I got to a board I was depserate, confused, exhausted with trying and failing and assuming, if I'm truthful, that it would all end in dying of smoking eventually! So then when I wrote this I felt like I unearthed some real magic from somewhere I hadn't had access to in myself before: 10pm, March 11 2014: My champix is taken and my quit date set, I have literally tried all other options and this is my last one. However my partner and mother both smoke. My Mum is disabled and has copd so can't actually get outside to smoke. It's not an excuse because I will no longer let it be but I failed previously because there are always going to be cigs around the house, that's not changing for now so I must have a better plan....but if I quit, maybe they will too?? Either way I would appreciate any tips, or things that really helped you if you think it could help me. I want this sooo badly as does my 8 year old daughter, I've gone from 30-40 to around 10 per day since preparing myself but I know the road is tough. So what helped you?? I genuinely want this to be the end and am prepared to go through whatever it takes now. Thank you. x As I waited for the (mixed) responses to come in I lit my last cigarette that I will ever smoke. Answers ranged from "suck it up buttercup" (gee thanks), to "you got this" (do they even know how many failures I have, well no) to "just jump". That last gem stuck with me, I mean there's a nike ad saying just do it isn't there. What would happen if I just jumped!! It's not really me, I am a planner. I was already on champix, had tried patches, mega allergies and fights to get the champix yada yada...I'm a planner :) So what could actually go wrong if I jumped? Now I was really thinking, what about if I jumped and just here on the forum gave people the real me, the stories as they unfolded, utterly unheard of.. I am the queen of repression and hide everything so I look strong, so this was all new. But it felt like the whole journey had to be real and that for the first time, I would let people help me and not be so independent. I tried to light a "final farewell cigarette" the next morning, and couldn't do it. I put it out and mentally dug in. So I started a really crazy journey. I took a bit from here and a bit from there. Quitting is a journey, not an event. SNOT, grimness, but means smoking is not on the table...if it's not what can I do instead, I spent a lot of time smoking. NOPE not one puff ever...oh thank gods, someone added just for today in little words, forever was far too huge for me, I was struggling minute by minute! No one is more addicted, we are all addicts - no likey! I am not an addict I am a very strong woman...oh, will ya look at that, seems I'm an addict...and then the acceptance, brutal as it was. I visualized a smoke free me, I chanted, I switched from foot to foot shouting nope...I was an all fired nut job haha...but I was a non smoking nutter, so all good. Whyquit imagine if I was one of those who died young, I imagined telling my kids. I read horror stories and sobbed, I got really friggin real about what I was doing to myself and what a selfish tit I'd been. Then came the deeper understandings. I cried the day I realized I would never have "just one" again. It felt like a grieving moment. I knew it was sick, but it was hard for me. I hated the cravings/triggers, how very dare they try and come for me, I raged, I cried (A LOT) and one godawful night in April some precious folk talked me down off the most horrible emotional ledge, I still cry if I read my own SOS from back then. I felt like I literally was in battle with myself. In hindsight, I made it much harder for myself than it needed to be. Once I understood that, that I was already a non smoker, there was no fight, there was just day to day (really thank you Stu) then it got easier. As I stopped being scared I wasn't medicating my emotions with nicotine or repression and allowed myself to feel them and not be afraid to go through them, I got stronger. I let the most wonderful man ever talk to me like I was worthwhile as a person, not just the strong one who copes and felt validity in all I felt. I am honest in saying he saved my life, I know some of my strength was borrowed. So then, if I was now real, and free then I needed to test it, so I added exercise and loved that too! I still like burgers far too much but all healthy is too much for now lol. I had the money to holiday and extend my skills for a potential spiritual business. But more than that, I started to believe if I wanted it and worked at it, I could actually achieve anything, well maybe apart from being an astronaut, that ship sailed I guess but mostly anything else. As I stopped being fake and strong for everyone the fight back around me was immense. As numbers of people tried to "put the lid back on the box" but it was too late. I was proud of who I was and what I had done in my life, but also confident that I was worthwhile and carried a value that few around me had ever given. Some stood with me, some dissapeared and some fought. I still fight but I carry strength and support from a powerful journey. So I do say, if you do the journey the hard way, there's still value in it and all roads lead to rome. So 1 heartwrenching SOS and 2 serious wobbles where thoughts of my buddy carried me through, I had given my word and I never break a promise. From desperate worries about whether I was even a likable if my own mother was so crazy mean to me were met with adoption from Nancy via chat. A throwaway support line made me stand back up and re commit to my journey. All the way through this board people have been throwing me a rope and helping me, mostly never knowing how much and I can only aspire to be half as lovely and supportive as some here. Wow, feeling chatty I guess! So my advice is trust and post. Believe and visualize yourself in the place you want to be and then backtrack back to one day, one moment at a time and let your sheer strength of self belief start to grow. It's about being the person you were always meant to be as much as it's about not being a smoker anymore and maybe trust in a little magic because it's everywhere. Magic in the deep breaths I can take, and the stamina I now carry. The strength of will and the gentle support I will offer as others did to me. I will always carry with me the eureka moment of a post by Markus though, no quitter is stronger than another. It's the vigilant quit that survives. This makes sense, the person who is aware of all their addictions and has learnt what that means will keep themselves alert to potential danger times. More than that look the addiction square in the eye and batter it down... Marti, 1 - Addiction, shush now your got nothing that can make me give up this freedom!!

Enjoy riding your armchair sir :) You are great! Those stats are scary and wonderful in equal measure. x

Wow Tyme, I hope you took yourself to bed and have woken with the biggest smile at your safe freedom and quit. 6 weeks came and took me by surprise too, it's been so long since a proper trigger hit you forgot how awful they were and got sucked into to it her (or that was me then). The trick is to see it coming and distract yourself, it passes through and you barely notice it. So this will have shown you that and it just makes your quit more powerful and stronger. Strong fight, battle won, BOOM!! :)

Absolutely not, none for that, not for a year now!! NOPE!! No matter where you are today, the other side spells freedom. All you have to do is not smoke today, that's it. Tomorrow is never promised and yesterday is done. On the other side is a freedom from being chained to when we could next smoke and it feels beautiful and pure!! Let's do this!!

Always operate on the "whatever works" and "all roads lead to rome" principle. We are all vastly different people and what works for one, will not for another, so if you feel it's right then it's right. Of course you are where you need to be :) We have a lot of cold turkey'ers, but only because it's still the most popular quitting method. I agree with Bandito, the key is in educating yourself and understanding how you were on a treadmill of addiction, you get to a point you don't want that crazy merry go round and understand that's exactly what you had. Trapped, like a hamster on a wheel where you wanted to do something, but had to stop to have a cig. Get on a plane, best chain smoke first. Day out with the family, hope there's a place to smoke. And so on, it ended up that life revolved around where we could and couldn't smoke next...so stopping that with a support network - this is the place! xx

Hi people,this is Chris. Please send me support as my darling mrs hitting 12 months smoke free, will be bouncing around like someone at the asylum stole her ping pong bat. I haven't prepared enough for this....

Tempting to join it altogether isn't it. It actually helped me at times to remember non smokers had bad days, bad times! Sounds so obvious but not always. The quit is healthy and mindful. It is pure and something to be both proud abd respectful of...but the quit is also part of you, so you are all those things too. You are doing amazing, time enough to fix the rest of life. Make sure you don't push yourself too hard :) x

I'm pleased today was a good day and feel re set Ricki. It can feel so incredibly all consuming at times, and then like an easy free fall the next moment. This yo yo eases as a little time passes, trust that if nothing else. Make sure you are being gentle on yourself for now, you deserve yours (and others) tlc for a little while so you have time to adjust. Make sure you treat yourself, a magazine, candle, make up...whatever, keep em coming, you need rewards for generally being so awesome :) And post! Lots! It saves many a quit by investing your time and energy both reading and posting (games are a good win for using up time). xx

Special requests...wine and soda starter...rum and coke mains? :) Pressing, like ironing...oh hell no, I don't waste my life, hang it in the bathroom while I shower and hey presto, voila!! Actually don't know where my iron is, threw the ironing board about a year ago haha. I am safe and sound guv'na... just a tough few moments and I did a cinderella (put em together and what have you got....stupid thoughts). I'm worth more than that, just thoughts is all. I would never let you or me down, I promised :) xx

Aww my lovely Jess, I am so very proud and happy to celebrate with you. I hope you are hugely proud of yourself and planning the most wonderful treat which you utterly deserve!! Fantastic five!!! Have a fabulous day and I am sending a virtual hi five. Much love. x

nope

The triggers came and went yesterday, today I feel solid again. It always passes and it's great that I forget it can be so grim, it means I barely remember day to day and I like that. It was sepsis (infection gets into the bloodstream), basically the shudders were results of that and a ridculous temp. She's much better, being released today. It is what it is and I guess it's just a reminder that I'm this addict so I don't ever get complacent. Tough times for sure but it helped just to get the words written and out of my head. Thank you for your lovely support. x

Aww a little celebration just for us :) You know you peaked early right... Shhh, I won't tell anyone, no one will ever know..... Not like I can judge anyway, couldn't even count to ten hahaha. So tomorrow I will be smoke free a whole year. I'm sure my buddy will write something momentous and insulting in equal measure and you and I can have this as our "private do" :) Although I'm still not being an egg, I'm way above harem stylee!! Jokes aside you're awesome. Always be you and thank you for the big smiles and mental lift today, was much needed. Much love. xx