Still winning

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I love the straight talking style and I think your therapist is right, you'll be ok. Really well done on making sure your quit is secure amoung all the turbulence you are clearly facing. The thing is, the chemicals and toxins in cigs affected us, of course they did, I mean at a base level we understand they weren't good. So them leaving your system, along with the learning to cope without a crutch like smoking - is gonna cause some moves emotionally and a drop in moods. It helped me to understand that nicotine caused a fake endorphin rush (the feel good thing in our brain). So basically nicotine coming in gave a rush that diminished as the nicotine dropped, like a never ending cycle. You now see the only way to stop it is to completely stop nicotine. and yes, that is a good thing. There are some natural mood enhancers that you can use alongside your therapy without interfering though. For anxiety a good one is to have a mantra, like repeating to yourself I am safe and well when you start to flare up. For all you say gratitude is a strong one to use as well. I don't mean bounce out of bed singing oh what a wonderful morning! Keep it real, so more days then was reasonable the best I could manage was I like having blue eyes. Other days I was more about a person or thing I had in my life - the purpose is when you start to feel it's all a bit rubbish, you remember that one thing you decided on to say it's not ALL rubbish kinda thing. Lastly at the risk of sounding woo woo, meditation is the single biggest win for naturally lifting a mood. Moving your body will create natural endorphin rushes as well. xx

I appreciate your support. Poor Chris must just be fed up with the constant mop up job of me crying of late. I just really hate feeling so weak and in a way, it has always felt like it would be easier to walk away from the family. But then I would be left with guilt and it's just a damned if you do and damned if you don't. Just a mix of timings of being exposed to a job lot of family and all the horror they create. My Mum felt helpful saying out really loud how when I was dancing at the wedding, it looked like my boobs might jump out of my boob tube top - everyone ignored her (embarrassed) so she just said it louder. And it sounds like nothing, but I finally got it, the constant belittling and nasty comments have really hemmed me in and kept me quiet for fear of more of them. So I simply responded this time that her concern was nice but I had a rubber strip along the top so the likelihood of it dropping was slim and walked off. I ended up brutally drunk (my coping technique). As I'd been dreading it and all the fools who had backed my dumb ass ex husband were in attendance. Then the 16th date always brings me up short, as does a birthday where I create a birthday review, and it really has been quite a year for me on so many levels. I felt better for saying something though so thanks for the virtual listen. x

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Advance warning - off the record and there is swearing. It's 9pm here and probably the only time I will say this "out loud" and the only place safe enough for me to do so. At 7.30 pm 4 years ago, I went into surgery to have a full hysterectomy, it was only so complete due to my fear of leaving anything behind to give me more of the dreaded C word. I went in alone and came out alone. Absolutely no one was with me. Some harsh truths were faced and probably only partially processed, we are all a work in progress hey and repression is my middle name. It feels like a lifetime ago, only 4 years seems very strange. Two weeks of 40th birthday celebrations and family wedding have taken their toll. I hi five people who deal with their toxic families better then me, I feel like I was weak for so long and still am because I don't just walk away from it all. At my core I am so angry at some abuse, extreme disloyalty and just general wankiness of others. 4 days ago I was 18 months quit smoking. I've thought about smoking a lot of late, I had more smokers around me. never was it an option though and I like that. Just more dumb thoughts. There is no point to this post, it's simply an outlet. Been feeling wobbly as fcuk recently but this has re-newed me and reminded me that I'm a bad ass warrior and my success rate at being ok is 100% to date :) Nice odds! That's all really. Didn't want to blog as I don't want joe public to see this. Just me venting in a safe place. x

Probably not one of my finer need to google moments then, sorry, lol. Lovely, thanks all, have written them down so I can have tv forever more :)

Watching Grimm now (bricking it every time I watch) but need to line up new series. Watched Vikings recently and thought that was awesome (good suggestion DD), didn't like breaking bad? Watched game of thrones and had nightmares lol (pansy) but it was good. What next.

Lol, at Chrispy, I too have many "draft" copies :D . Cheri, May I suggest a blog and leave it in draft overnight. If in the morning it still sounds ready for human consumption then post it ;) We've all been there. xx

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Boast to us Ria :) We think you're all kinds of amazing!! x

Well I am super pleased you didn't smoke, that would've been dreadful! That said, I am sorry something/one hurt you. xx Natural lifts for mood?? Yoga, meditation, practising gratitude, inner child work, self love (no bakon!!), nature, scents.... lots of ways to help ourselves sweetie....but even then sometimes a good wallow day is needed...but not smoking, never that.

Wow and I thought my budget brand at £7.81 was extortionate! Even this far into my quit I still notice how much more available money I have (probably as I had none before lol) and it still makes me smile. Apart from this month, this month I'm proper poor but I know how it happened and I had lots of fun :D Your poor friend, hopefully one day....

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Now??

We now have a queen with the longest reign in history of English Monachs :) and nope. x

Thanks guys :) I had a good day and had a lovely yearly review :) One of my posted this for me, how cool is that! And I wrote this and meant it as much for folks here as elsewhere, some true diamonds I have been blessed to find, so thank you: So I'm 40 officially today and I have been spoilt with gifts and words, note that words and actions always mean more to me. I feel blessed to believe this but I had a good life yesterday and a good life today - no different, so that's me and mine all sorted. There is loads I "get" now and a fair bit I will never understand...I guess it's lies that you become a grown up at any stage smile emoticon My thoughts are still.... life is short, enjoy it as best you can with those who matter! My eternal gratitude to my tribe of friends and connections, you will know who you are. Much love and gratitude for the post QT. x

birthday nope :)

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Just two more days and all this fcuking shit weekend will be done. I really bloody wish I didn't like the cousin who is getting married as it means I have to see all the other twunts. I really wish I didn't fcuking care at all, but I do and it's made me miserable and tired all week. Nearly done and then I can celebrate my beauty being 10 on Sunday when I get back from this shitpit of crapola weekend.

6 hours round trip is bad, that's just too long! I would say lake if weather is nice. Who cares if it's packed, outdoors always wins.

And breath there. Some days huh! Much love. x

If one more fuckwit calls this situation the "migrant crisis" rather then the reality which is a massive refugee crisis of epic fcuking proportions that multiple dickhead governments created I might go fcuking batshit. Grrr. That's it, I am now addressing all those stupid comments on this situation with you are shitting me right.... before I continue speech....

I miss Sarah, she always made me laugh. I also miss Gabby but am pleased to see Amy hanging round again :) I often think of Juan, one day he will get there, I'm sure of it. I often wonder if slovenka made it, I really really hope so. I would agree with jackie and Soberjulie but I managed to get the on facebook so I like that I can still see pics etc.

omg yes!! I actually dreamed I was calling myself a piggy over and over again - I'm even annoyed at myself asleep now haha.

It's the mindset isn't it. I myself felt perfectly able to say I'd quit (even to myself) if I only smoked one at dinnertime with the kids as that was super stressful :rolleyes: I laugh about it now but it held me in chains for too long. I can't ever hold anyone acountable for a pattern it took over a year to understand :) We can't all be like Chrispy and his "one quit wonder", he's my quitting hero lol :)