Still winning

Interesting to raise it on a quit smoking site, even with a smiley :D I mean all manner of addicts are happy doing what they are doing right?? But wait...why do those addicts keep joining support groups to help them stop the self destruct mode....

Stupid fcuking idiots are everywhere again. Damn fcuking conventions of them are in my family!! Argh Mum, do not fcuking dare to let your racist shit out on the little loves of my life, how jaded can you be to bring your shithead judgements and try and tell my poor babies! I do not give a flying fcuk that some jackass wants to ban peppa pig in a religious statement, I mean what the actual Fcuk! Why tell an 8 year old you twisted moron! Vent over, please continue you day/eve.

******* unreal!! Voldemorts have excelled at stupidity!

It's all a bit hairy in the wonderful world at the moment. At the risk of "engaging my weird", I know the energy is off kilter at the moment and everyone's feeling pretty insecure, I guess I'm no exception. Quitting: Well that's two who have fallen off that I have cried real hard tears for. I panicked, what if that was me later?? My advice upon more tears from my fella was "you really must stop getting SO involved with everybody". My quit buddy's advice was I'm an "unhinged psycho and my quit is fine, if I fail he will drive and smack me in the nose". Perfect haha. Jeez I need some softer people in my sphere :) But actually I like it, keepin it real with a scottish bloke and a london bloke...gotta be done. Home: My Mum continues to panic at every little thing. She is struggling with her quit and nearly smoked at the weekend. Out with smoking friends and one offered her a cig and she says it was nearly at her mouth before she gave it back and said no. But more then that she is plain scared all the time. I don't even know how I'm doing this, I'm bloody scared and I have to pretend to be fine and make sure everyones needs are catered for, she is no exception. Chasing medical reports and information and it's draining me. I know that sounds selfish but it is what it is. Children: Summer holidays and my eldest continues to resemble "kevin the teenager". I'm so sad. I utterly adore this child, she lights up my days and her sister makes me smile and laugh. They bring more to me then I think then I can to them, although a Mum who completely adores them no matter who they are is surely a powerful thing. I had to conform as a child, always, and it broke my spirit for a long time. Mine at least don't have that. Weird Convo: I am the last of my real sisters to quit. One was round today and says since her 5 year quit she has had 6 cigs, in fact once buying a pack pissed as a fart and only smoking one as it made her feel so sick! What?! How on earth can she do that. I genuinely do not want to smoke but am under no illusion... a puff away from a pack a day could have been written for me! I really don't understand testing yourself like that and I am super pleased she was able to do that and walk away again but NO WAY for me, not now not ever. I am freaked she tested herself at all. So although I KNOW I'm ok, my life is still the happy place it was and on the path I chose - well I feel a little "meh" about it all. Not exclusive to quitting, this week just feels like hard work. So if you feel a little odd too then I guess we just shouldn't worry. It's a crazy week. With all of that, with how hard it all feels for no apparent reason at the moment - My quit continues to make me happy. M yquit continues to be as secure as I can make it with the eternal vigilance that Markus wrote of and Bandit reminded me of. Those who succeed don't always make it because it was easy for them... we make it because we know we are addicts who cannot succumb! I'm a non smoker havin a tough week is all.

Congrats on 10 months Armed. Hope all is well after the cryptic comment. Wishing you well. x

Blimey rez, reduce a tough as old boot chick to tears again why not!! Tracey, what an honour to meet and share part of your journey with you. A truly exceptional woman and I don't know any one of us that hasn't read or heard something you wrote, either to us, in a post or pm and thought - oh thanks for being so real!! In a world of fake your brand of reality is like a breath of fresh air. Big love to you! Aside from that :) Massive congrats on your 9 months!! A freefall/claw through/wine fuel driven quit. I couldn't be happier to see you making this point. Atta girl!! xx

Hey iulia, How goes day 3? x

Totally agree with this. A lot of it is mental. The problem is everyone is different and some people just don't get there as quick. But that's ok, that's why we have forums to deal with different sorts of quit and I always hope for the easy peasy one for everyone. x

I am going to add actually, I think it made my quit stronger strangely enough. Both that situation and my SOS months earlier took my quit to the next level. In addition to that I went through extended periods where I felt like I was on a roller coaster where I'd be up, up up and then down hard, only to go back up again and so it continued! It was mentally exhausting but I knew through all of that the quit was secure, just it was mentally a pain in the butt!! A totally different sensation that I could totally NOPE too. I still sometimes worry but then I batter the eardrums of my quit buddy and he threatens me :) Literally, or insults me haha.

My Mum got ill (we live together and she is my carer). My quit had been secure enough but the whole time my thought process kept screaming you could smoke now, for sure this is a great reason... I must admit I never thought about chantix but I'm a whatever works kinda woman. I literally sobbed with fear, exercised like a demon and talked constantly to my partner telling him to physically stop me if needs be. If it helps to know, as the situation eased the craves went down again. x EDIT: Sorry, I am her carer!

Did something work for you Beacon (saw your status update and wondered). x

-18

I was waiting for the day "it feels right to quit", it never came and I just had to jump.

Nope :) Enjoy your golf!

Taking the kids to Legoland in Windsor tomorrow now, love treating them :) 1 1/2 weeks more of no school run carnage in the morning and chilled PJ times. Giving Milly a wicked 9th birthday mid september Disney world Florida in October for Halloween and seeing my sister again who lives in America now Christmas .. every year lol, big kid. Fave part is taking the girls to pantomime on christmas eve afternoon so we spend quality fun time together alone Planning our next family holiday once Florida and Christmas paid off :) Couldn't even think of that pre quitting.

Ouch, walking might be safer next time. x

Reading some good ones I miss my pre baby stomach I miss being able to smile in a photo without my eyes looking crinkle cut I miss my favourite cousin who moved to Canada and cut ties to save himself being homesick I miss the social side of owning a pub, it was fun (but not the sheer graft, too much with a family) But there's loads of stuff I love so on balance I feel it's good :)

-16

I don't know what else to say, I did what I could. Now I just stand beside you, no matter what because you are my friend. x

Go home, cry and talk to the man. Men are often useless until we ladies fall apart and then they come into their own on planning. And hugs ((leanna)). xx

quid, sorry! £s pounds. Copy/paste - Reiki is a Japanese technique for stress reduction and relaxation that also promotes healing. It is administered by "laying on hands" and is based on the idea that an unseen "life force energy" flows through us and is what causes us to be alive. If one's "life force energy" is low, then we are more likely to get sick or feel stress, and if it is high, we are more capable of being happy and healthy. You can reiki anything, from people to bath salts... Ta da bath salts http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/251609479627?ssPageName=STRK:MESOX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1561.l2649 Sold so not an advert :)

haha, no! Not the funky stuff, england is cold :) Altho I would make a few quid.... wonder if reiki works on growing weed quickly and strong too.....

At one point there was my mum and 3 daughters and 2 foster daughters... all sharing one bathroom haha, fun times! I used toget up 2 hours early, do my teeth/shower etc and go back to bed to miss the rush :) You guys have inspired me to try new things. Think I will get my mum to teach me how to sew properly on the machine when the kids go full time in sept :) I like to make actual things and grow plants more :) I sell some plants I grow from seed in season, and bath salts on ebay and they go really well. I keep screwing up making candles but am determined! Currently in the "all the gear but no idea"camp. Love my sister who said wow, who knew you could even make a candle that won't burn. I was the bigger person and didn't spit in her tea :) Plus I make home remedies and stuff, but that's not crafty is it lol. x

2

2 No nothing bad. I have an healthy interest in mythology and different religious paths and they are the names of the old gods. Not trying to catch you out and it's nothing fancy :) Odin, thor, etc.