Still winning

Yes mirror and photo frames to be cream :) You think do the whole thing cream?

SO My mums a bit knackered so she has the lounge for a bedroom now, which leaves me an itty bitty dining room attached to my kitchen to make into my little sanctuary of crazy :) I chose the colours of silver, cream and aubergine (Cadburys purple for the guys lol). And am working on it a bit at a time. Side tables and toy box have been shabbied (painted for the guys) and black stuff is being replaced with silver piece by piece. Artwork, cushions etc are to be anne stokes whose work is amazing! But what to do with the oak unit that currently hides a ton of toys and houses the Tv and other boy gadget stuff which means I need a shedload of handsets? Do I paint the whole thing cream? Just paint the doors and drawers cream? Leave the doors and drawers andpaint the bits around those? Argh! I wish I were a millionnaire so someone came and did this stuff for me and I had a boat :) This unit

Always pick a prince!! Relaxing beach type or stuff to do adventure type holidays? (vacations?)

me n the loves of my life Me and my sisters, old photo (I'm on the right) Me and Helga the horrible, also known as my Mum on my last night owning my pub I miss being able to drink jaeger bombs and stagger upstairs to bed But then I have these... look what I made :)

HA!! It's taken me over a sodding day as it's friday now but by jove - I think she got it :) Me age 7 with my sister Suzi.

I remember her saying the date was picked due to some significance...maybe that was a sad thing and she'll be along tomoz...or maybe she's avoiding my best stalker tactics... Either way I really hope she is ok.

Will keep youin my thoughts for the next two weeks. It's great to have a venting spot. I write all manner of stuff down in my blog and just don't publish (leave in draft) any that I want for my journey alone. It helps to track as well. xx

Massive congrats on your 5 months!! Lovely to have you on the board :) xx

Very nearly 5pm Sarah. Pleased to hear time was utilized as well, post it note house sounds great haha.

Sandwich Red or Purple?

Haha Sue, saw that earlier and wondered how long it would take you to spot it :)

Brilliant work Miss Sue, 11 months is awesome!! xx

Pleased to hear this Sharon. Go gently on yourself for a couple of days and fantastic idea to replenish your spirit by doing something you love :) Happy painting. xx

nope for me.

Hi my lovely, you are thought of and you are loved..... It's not just your sister (it was your sis right?) that joined you up? I honestly care. "we" care. No pressure, just come onboard now and let us do our thing.

Don't you steal my Amy DD, I have vested interest....she's mine and I'm real protective of my peoples... :) I have her covered, wewill support her as a group for sure.... It seems like it's scary Amy, it's ok. I promise you. x

Yeah I'm singing, out of tune too :) AMY!! it's the 29th tomorra,.... I'm not gonna lie buddy number 2...I've been real patient.... It is time though, I will hold your hand, these guys will too.... Are you ready??

I'm bloody sicknote, an then I can't work the camera and my fella has gone and left me to watch the motorbikes racing...delay in progress!

I think talking about the reasons for relapse is a pretty powerful thing. I did wonder MQ, why after 9 months, but then I read what you said above and I can't imagine. ((MQ)) Chrys, I think for people who like to think/ maybe over think?? We will always wonder why. But that's ok, some people are the thinkers and some are the do'ers. If we stay alert and vigilant and engage methods we trust, we will hold on. It reminds me of something I heard and I can't remember where, but it was this... "there is nothing to fear but fear itself". x

Another quitter today has raised the "drop off rates". Wow they are pretty high!! Now there is a person on the board with my time, but only one. This time is a bit strange to be honest. 4 months was lovely, no craves, all peace. 5 months is reminding me, hey you used to smoke...hey you, you smoked you know....hey hey, can you hear me and so it goes. Now of course it's good, it's me. I have traced back and found the triggers and will work on them and my quit is safe. So where's me mates at?? Well, they keep dropping like flies. Me, I'm still sure no matter what I may think or feel periodically I am absolutely a non smoker! But why, why am I ok and others are not? Was it my weirdo approach? Or guys like Jonny5 who was not everyone's cup of tea but reinforced my quit like a boss. Or my quit buddy who regularly assures me when I go bat shizzle that all is well and I should not be a donut? .... I think it's me! I think "I got it" fairly early days. It does not solve a damn thing, it never did. I remember there being a point, I was brutally upset about something or other and I thought I would smoke for a fleeting second...closely followed by what's the point, it doesn't help! In THAT moment I accepted I was going to have to relearn how to cope and I grieved for what was but now wasn't. When my Mum was rushed to hospital, diagnosed with heart failure, on top of copd and she was discharging herself (as we do) and putting it all on me.... I was terrified, my craves went through the roof, for days.. I literally "chose" to hold on and wait to see what happened. I never said but I paced for nights on end, listening that all was well and breathing was happening. It only took my buddy saying got your back and Aine saying, of course you would consider smoking to bring me back down long enough that I could hold on. It absolutely did not diminish the triggers/craves but I knew that my choices for coping were real limited and I had to find another way. Two days ago was a virgo (my sign), new moon which for me, signifies new beginnings. I asked for strength for a friend here, who is looking for a new career path and strength for me to follow my dreams again and reinforce my lifestyle which is about being healthier and that certainly includes not smoking. This saturday I formalise my reiki training and I can finally insure to practice properly, let loose on the general public and charge, when I'm ready. Something else I posted that really stuck with me is I did not want to touch another person reeking of stale smoke. How could I put my hands up to another person who may be a non smoker and stink? Ultimately I want to teach I think. Teach how to plant by moon signs or how to heal via reiki and angels and how to intuit tarot along with the standard lines. I just want to share what I have learnt. It might sound odd to some but to me it's how I have lived knowingly and unknowingly. I cannot unlearn what I know, I will not unlearn my non smoking traits...for me it's all part of the path. That said, I wish my path would bring some of that beautiful peace back because this bit, well it's a bit tough. I'm up to it of course but it would be nicer to have some easy peasy. But still, if I had that, how would I be any use to the people who suffer with a quit...5 quits inspired by my 1 now. I will prove by sheer strength of will that you can have a tough times in your quit and still succeed :) It might make no sense to anyone else but I will do what I have always done and lead by example.

Well that kinda sums up a ton of fears. Powerful reminder why not. ((Tracey)). x