Hi Lia! Welcome to Quit Train. I see your quit date is Jan. 1, 2019 yet you say you are trying to not smoke now. Have you quit yet or are you just cutting down and plan to quit on New Years Day? What is you quit plan? Are you planning to use nicotine replacement products like the patch or nicotine gum or are you quitting cold turkey (no nicotine products)? Quitting is unpleasant in the early days because your body and mind will be going through a lot of changes but you will make it through like everyone does if you just make up your mind not to smoke. It takes an unwavering commitment on your part to quit - it's that simple. Hope to see you around the forum. Best wishes.