Lilly - it's the same for all of us no matter what path we take to quit smoking. NRT Champix or cold turkey; doesn't matter, It's all the same in the end. You have to be prepared to endure a short period of discomfort in order to feel normal again without smoking. It's just the way it is for everyone. Until you are prepared to go through that adjustment you will struggle and repeat the same scenario you have done for over a year now . You need to just quit smoking!! It won't kill you but continuing to smoke might just do that
Based on what you have said over this past year I am very concerned that you may have already done damage to your lungs. Have you seen a pulmonologist for an assessment of your lung function in the past year? (A PFT assessment and CT Scan of your lungs) If not; please do this. You need to stop smoking right now and get your lungs checked. This is serious business. Just do it no matter what the temporary upset to you might be. You can't afford to go on like this! I'm sorry if this upsets you but you need to address your addiction to nicotine immediately!
We all thought we could not live without cigarettes at one time but we have all just said ..... NO; no more!! And, we have all endured what ever discomfort we had to in order to come out the other side as non smokers. YOU CAN DO IT TOO!! You need to believe this and just do it. Like I said, quitting won;t kill you.