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SandiW

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Everything posted by SandiW

  1. How can a person sleep 12 hours a day when we have career's? It's not like I can take 5 month's off work simply because I stopped smoking. I hope you will begin to enjoy life. Cigarettes are not what will bring you joy. We both know that. It is finding that 'something' that FEELS like joy, I guess like smoking did to you?..... All I can say to the new people who want to become a non-smoker is: first off, you want to WANT IT, and badly. Not just because of health reasons, family, friends etc. YOU are the one who has to want it, and then YOU are the one who will go through whatever your body will do when you stop feeding {smoking} the poison. It is not a fun little stroll in the park..not at all. But every hour, every day you can say 'wow, I didn't smoke for {x} amount of time'...will hopefully make you want to keep setting another short goal. Maybe another hour, 1/2 a day and so on. It still sucks. For me anyway, it sucked bad. In spite of all the health risk blah blah blah, there were times I did enjoy a cigarette with my coffee. A cigarette with my friend's on wine night. Or a cigarette when I was pissed off at the world. Now.........I drink tea, don't go out on wine night, but still get pissed at the world and find something else to do rather than focus on not smoking. It is NOT easy.
  2. Thank you Tiffany for being honest!! You are so right........no, I don't want to go a week, a month, a freaking year, just to start the quit again. Screw that. The big test is going to be this weekend. Our friend is coming in tonight and I am vacillating on whether or not I want to go out and meet everyone. I am not that comfortable yet to be around the smoker's. What about you? And all of you? How long before you actually were comfortable with your quit to be around a friend or friends who are life-long smoker's?
  3. More great read's...... it IS empowering to read what other's, AFTER their inital quit, can write about. One day I may write something that will be 'profound' for someone who is beginning life again, a clean life, free of addiction Right now, today, I just want to embrace my quit {pissed as I am} LOL. Tell the court and attorney's to F* themselves, let''s be done with this. And then, reward myself with retail therapy this weekend. {Only for the amount of money that I would usually spend on Sunday afternoon purchasing my cartoon of toxic crap for the week}.
  4. Thank you for posting the picture's..........wow, I cannot believe my brain is still somewhat 'normal' LOL after 20+ year's of smoking. Looking at these picture's and thinking of different scenarios: out w/friends, on a phone call, stressing out over my mother who has dementia and how many cigarettes I smoke.....so, so, so many cigarettes. OMG! This is a huge reality check! xo
  5. Sazerac this quote: You may have a year of seasonal triggers but, craves are usually an indication that your body needs something. Learn about H.A.L.T. Are you Hungry, Angry (Emotional), Lonesome (Bored), Tired. And Evelyn: I do not have in fact borderline, it can seem like you've overwhelmed with emotions :) I have read about H.A.L.T. and I do not know what 'seasonal triggers' are, because, well, this is the first time I have quit smoking. However, today being ANOTHER court date with the most brutal of litigation regarding guardianship of my mother...of course makes me think a cigarette will 'help me make it through the day'. Ummm, NOPE. Evelyn, I am overwhelmed with emotions. But {only guessing} because sometimes I have the physical withdraw {light headedness/dizzy/ tingling in finger tips}, I get so damn mad at myself. Really, I am my own worst enemy. I don't need to read how 'easy' it was for people to stop smoking. Nothing we do in life is 'easy', not one F'ng thing. We work hard to succeed in our career's/ marriages. We worked just as hard to get outside to smoke, or leave an event just to smoke. So it is NOT easy! Uggggg. :angry: :angry: :angry: I saw cigarette butts on the ground this morning, and told myself "how many of those could be your's now if you want to smoke? All that money on the ground". I am protecting this quit like Sazerac and Tiffany and so many other's keep encouraging me to do. Even without a teddy bear. I need a voodoo doll so I can poke the SH*T out of it when I want to smoke.
  6. How can some people say 'it wasn't difficult at all'? Did they use a Nicotine supplement? Or did they only smoke for a week? As compared to 20+ year's? What I found difficult, was changing my daily routine, from the minute my feet hit the floor in the morning, until it was time for bed at night. But after day 4, the 'routine', is the new norm. I still find at times, I want a cigarette. I hope that will stop one day. Why do I want one? I honestly cannot answer.
  7. Thank you! Thank you! Whew.....I never, ever, EVER thought I could say "I haven't smoke a cigarette in a WEEK"! All of your support has been the greatest of help! I couldn't have come this far without all of you xo
  8. Congratulations!!!
  9. Freaking Day 6....and I'm still a junkie :(

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Sonic

      Sonic

      If it helps, I'm over 700 days and still a junkie. I'm one cigarette away from 2 packs aday

    3. Sazerac

      Sazerac

      addiction doesn't go away but, soon it won't be all you think about.

    4. ...

      ...

      Sandi, I know it sounds silly, but when you have those thoughts and/ or craves, read. Read, write and read some more......and then stab a teddy bear. lol

  10. Hello Sazerac, How am I doing?......hmmmm. Well I am happy inside that I can say I have not put one toxic cigarette into my mouth since Thursday the 13 October. I am still an addict. I still want to smoke {sometimes}. Then I get on here and read, read, and I read my book by Allan Carr. So, I guess I'm doing 'okay'. Not sure how an addict off of cigarettes is suppose to be doing on day 6! I am just so very Thankful for all you awesome Non-smoker's! Sometimes I need that reality check, that kick in the ass. However, what worked for someone does not necessarily mean will work for another. {Tiffany, thanks for the post about a Teddy bear} etc. You know me personally, and know that I so cannot relate to that :D . So I am trying to figure out what IS working for me. And during the day I chew on a straw at my desk...LOL. After work, I cook dinner for my husband and daughter and myself. Then I go for a walk {take the puppy}, that's where the biggest adjustment has had to come into play. Dinner= cigarette after. Now dinner= walk. In the evening's I find I am more relaxed as I never really smoked after the dinner cigarette much {unless a phone call}, now I turn my phone off in the evening until I KNOW I can kick my drug addiction. I am not fooling myself, I still want 'just one', I'm still a junkie. But I will say I am proud that I have not had that 'just one'. S~
  11. Thank you Tiff. Yeah, Day 6, who would have thought??? And for all you dear supporter's, this has been not only HELL WEEK from not smoking, but also HELL WEEK as my mother was diagnosed with Lewy Bodies Dementia in Feb of this year. She is 77. Retired 3 year's ago from NASA after a 38 year career. I have three 'brother's', who have basically been absent from mother's life {our dad passed away 19 year's ago}. When mother was diagnosed, she had done her Will and necessary paper's previously done, and had listed me as 'Later in Life Guardian' in case of incapacitation. So in March I filed the paper's etc. Only to have my millionaire narcissistic Asshole 'brother' fight me! Why? Simply because he can? Because of guilt? Because of now wanting to make up for the past 19 year's? Who knows...but $160K later, ANOTHER court date tomorrow, I am beyond stressed. Will a cigarette fix the stress? NOPE. Does my mind tell me it will? YEP. So Mind over Mind!
  12. Hi Tiff~ WOW, reading what you wrote is like, YES, last Thursday I was on my 'routine' of the time of day I went out to smoke, couldn't wait to get off work to sit on my back porch and smoke and smoke and smoke and relieve the 'stress' of the day! Ha~ I think smoking made my life more stressful? idk. I just know that so far, I'm alive! My brain is trying to catch up that I'm still breathing~ clean fresh air. Not going to lie. I still am that junkie! I still fight the cravings for JUST ONE! But I have no cigarettes, and refuse to buy ONE pack to have JUST ONE. So I'm sucking it up. I'm soooo proud of you too. You are my inspiration to keep going and to protect my quit like Sazerac said! I'm going to protect it like a crazed mother bear! :D
  13. The morning of Day 5. 104 hours {roughly} of no cigarette's, no nicotine. So why am I still wanting a cigarette? I must be crazy

    1. ...

      ...

      No. It takes a while.... you didn't get this way overnight. Be patient grasshopper. It's happening every day.... you're getting stronger.

    2. Sazerac

      Sazerac

      You are not crazy. You are fighting a pernicious addiction that has changed your brain. Stay strong.

    3. Sonic

      Sonic

      Day 5 Crushed

  14. Good morning~ Day 5. I hope y'all can remember what the first HELL WEEK is like. I read a story last night that really made me cry. A woman diagnosed with terminal cancer {lung}. She decided to stop smoking..even though she was dying. Her kid's couldn't understand why. She told them 'you have always wanted me to stop smoking, I said I couldn't. But actually I wouldn't'. That really hit home with me. It's not that I cannot stop, it is hard as hell of course, as y'all know. I feel so proud of myself some moment's, then a failure other's {because I still want a cigarette}. I keep pushing along, just hour at a time. During work is the hardest. As I said in another post, most of the men smoke, I have to walk past them when I go downstairs {they cannot smoke inside}, but I smell the cigarettes, smell it on them. Which is now becoming a disgusting smell. I'm thinking that is progress? Yet why do I still want a cigarette?
  15. Hi David, Congratulations on 6 month's of being a non-smoker. I am starting day 5 :mellow: , it has been really, really tough day's 3 & 4. This morning I am trying a slightly different routine. It certainly didn't help walking in the front door of work, and one of the guys was next to the door smoking. :wacko: . However, I can say, that smell, of a cigarette, was awful! Never thought I would say that! Welcome! I look forward to reading your post, and of course what helped you to remain a non-smoker.
  16. Tiffany! I know how hard this has been, yet look at where you are now!!!! ONE month smoke free!!!! I am so incredibly proud of you! Keep it up!
  17. What a terrific way to describe EXACTLY what is happening. The 'paralysis by analysis'....yes, I have 'imagined/come up with/ believe' every scenario possible. I was so afraid of today. Monday {after being off work Friday}. Quit time was last Thursday evening. I was afraid of how I would make it through just the morning.....coffee=cigarette. Break at 9:00am = cigarette. Then lunch, I go home for lunch and thought PRIOR how I would occupy that time. So, I ate, then I laid on my sofa, set the alarm on my phone for 30 minutes and just rested. I did not sleep, but kept telling myself, "I can do this, I won't die without a cigarette, but damn I sure want one". And a few minutes passed then thought's of other thing's. Today has been tough, but do-able. Sometimes I question whether this was the right time to quit. But when is is NOT the right time? Thanks for your feedback and support. Almost an hour to go and I made it through my first Monday as a non-smoker............ high five! :pleasantry:
  18. So far..........NOPE. I can't wait to get to Hell NOPE! :D
  19. I don't feel like I'm rocking. I feel anxious, pissed off, and being around male co-worker's that smoke is REALLY testing me. But screw it, morning of day 4 of no cigarettes. :) I just read, read, read, Oh, an suck on a straw at my desk! LOL
  20. Hello, Today is the morning of Day 4 of no cigarettes. The craving's are real! The pain is real! The mind-******* of 'just one' is REAL. I have cried so many tear's.....why? Tear's because I am/was/becoming less addicted to nicotine? How pathetic! :( Tear's because I do not want to fail. Tear's because I know, after reading all of your stories, watching the video's, how important this is, not just for me, but for my family & friend's. Tear's because I let a cigarette, take such control over me. WOW!! I absolutely had no idea how addicted I was {am}. I'm struggling.....but I am determined! I do not want any sugar-coated BS about 'how easy it is'............IT IS NOT!! I just want to read about the first 7 day's. Hell Week as someone referred to it yesterday for me.
  21. That is terrific Ruby!! I am so proud of you!
  22. Thank you all for the positive comment's, the video's! I made it through day 3 {how, I have no idea} LOL. It was painful! Today is my first day back at work. HUGE adjustment to my morning routine today. But it was not as bad as I 'imagined' it would be. It was not really what I wanted to do, but I did it. I look at y'all banner's that say how long you have been a non smoker and the quotes that are with them. Those are a big help also! Thank you to ALL of you!!! xo
  23. What is NOPE?
  24. I HATE THIS FEELING OF CRAVING!!

    1. Show previous comments  7 more
    2. Sonic

      Sonic

      Today better?

    3. SandiW

      SandiW

      Sonic~ yes today is a bit better. I still want a cigarette! LOL, but the craving and wanting to claw someone's eye's out are not as severe as yesterday.

    4. Sonic

      Sonic

      Hell week is coming to an end! You got this. Keep on crushing it

  25. Morning of day 3. Withdraw symptoms are horrific. I keep telling myself it will be worth it. I have read, and read and read. All the 'tips' of drinking water, 'work through the cravings' etc.......ugggggggg. I feel dizzy/ lightheaded. Is this normal?

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