Marti,
I don't have any enlightening wisdom to share. Except that it does get better, a whole lot better. You will find other ways of coping. Come here and talk to us or just read. Play some of the games on social to distract yourself. In time I think, you will fill your life with more enjoyable experiences, that smoking will not be at the forefront of your mind.
Your question about who/what to be is interesting. This is because when we quit, I think we slowly evolve into someone else. Still the same person, but yes our personality does change some. This happens when we change habits. For a lot of former smokers, quitting has been completely life-changing. A lot of us were chain smoking convenience food eating couch potatoes. We couldn't just sit there and not smoke so we got moving and it became as much a part of our lives as smoking was.
This past Friday, I was in a really stressful situation and I thought of a cigarette. It wasn't a crave or even a want, my body still has a couple associations out there between stress and smoking. It is rare that I get a thought of smoking and when I do, it goes as quick as it came. I came to the board and while I didn't have enough focus to post much, just being here made me feel much better. I think I read and did a lot of page refreshing that night lol.
The fact is, Marti, you smoked for almost 30 years day in day out. You have to cut yourself some slack and give it more time to settle down.