Chrysalis

Action, I know you mean well and you could give your SIL some excellent advice and resources. However, unless and until she asks for help, you should probably stay out of it. If she thinks that 2 cigarettes a day is praiseworthy, praise the hell out of her for that. It is better than nothing, and at least you will stay on her good side. Remember, most people have to try and fail several times before their "sticky" quit. That's just the way it is.

Hey, Dentalfloss, sorry I'm a little late for your first post. You said, "I have been doubting my ability to keep this quit long term." I'm here to tell you that right now, right this minute, you can NOT "keep this quit long term." Nobody can. Happily, you don't have to. All you have to do is keep your quit right now-- today-- this one minute. It is normal to want a cigarette from time to time even after several months. I do sometimes, and I'm almost 6 months quit. But I tell myself to say, "No" JUST FOR TODAY. If, when I'm having one of those craving days, I was to tell myself, "No. Never again. You promised not to smoke again for the rest of your life." I'd probably throw in the towel immediately and go back to smoking! Who can make (or reaffirm) a lifetime commitment to N.O.P.E. right in the middle of crave? I can't. But I CAN reaffirm my commitment to N.O.P.E. for just this one minute, this one hour, this one day. Tomorrow maybe I'll smoke, but for today it's NOPE. So stop scaring yourself with thoughts of long-term quits. You can't quit long term; you can only quit for today. Go get some exercise. Make yourself a soothing drink (tea, wine, warm milk, your choice) and tell yourself that you are not going to smoke TODAY. You will worry about tomorrow when it comes.

Natalie, it sounds as though you, like me, don't like to be in crowds of people. You prefer the intimacy of small gatherings. I heard a long time ago that there are 2 types of people. Some people are energized by interacting with other people. It's like their emotional batteries get recharged in large groups and they just LOVE IT (think Bill Clinton, for example). The rest of us get their emotional batteries drained by other people. I know for myself that I can sincerely enjoy the company of another couple for dinner and conversation (about 3 hours), I can enjoy the company of 6 people for about an hour, more than 6 people and I'm looking for the exit within 15 minutes. I need solitude in order to recharge my emotional batteries. Luckily, my husband is the same way. It sounds like you were using smoking as a way to sequester yourself with a small group of people so didn't drain your emotional batteries. Why force yourself into uncomfortable social situations? Try to structure your social life to be in small groups of people in situations where you don't feel anxious. And definitely cool it with the alcohol until you are really secure in your quit. That level of anxiety plus alcohol could spell disaster.

Frez is right-- it IS more entertaining when Bakon does it! I think that there is a born poet inside of him-- sort of like Alan Ginsberg on meth! :D Back to the original topic-- my best friend is an entomologist so over the years I learned a little about insects. A chrysalis is the name of the shell that is inside of a cocoon. The chrysalis is where the caterpillar develops into a butterfly. I chose that as my nick name because I am trying to become the best me I can be. The photo is recent-- it's my first "selfie". Well, that's not quite true. My FIRST selfie was so ugly I couldn't stand it. Oh, my! Hideous! Sort of like the very WORST driver's license photo you ever had but in addition, a driver's license photo taken by a driver's license clerk who was out to extract revenge because you stole her boyfriend. That hideous. So this is my SECOND selfie where I focused the light and put on some makeup and a pretty scarf. But being vain, I call it my first selfie. :)

I quit smoking at the end of March and starting shortly after that, I started to exercise. I gradually increased my exercise to 30 minutes a day 6 days a week and in recent months I have begun to notice an increase in strength and endurance. During that time, I also decided to improve my nutrition and started to make home-cooked meals that were delicious and nutritious without being fattening. I was doing pretty good with that, too, and actually losing a little of the weight I gained when I quit smoking. Then my mother's condition deteriorated and I had to attend to her medical concerns and all my self-care activities went out the window for a couple or weeks. No exercise, sloppy diet, regained weight, etc. A-a-r-r-g-g-h-h!! That is so FRUSTRATING!!! Why does it take so long to improve our health but we can lose all our victories overnight. I don't get it! :angry: Anyway, the good news is that now that my mother is on the mend and I am home again, I am trying once again to get my diet and nutrition back where I want them to be. To that end, today I signed up at our local animal shelter to walk dogs for 1 hour 3 times a week. I love dogs but my husband is allergic to them so we can't own one. Walking these shelter dogs will be fun and good exercise for me and for the dogs. I also take the opportunity to do little training exercises with them (like how to walk on a leash without pulling the person's arm off or how to remain calm when another dog walker passes us) so that they will have a better chance of being adopted. We also had a delicious and nutritious dinner tonight (osso bucco--yum!). So having sucked my thumb and felt sorry for myself about the back-sliding, I am now pulling myself back together and trying again. It really IS hard to make these healthful changes a real, immutable part of a new healthier lifestyle, isn't it? But I'm trying, folks, that I am.

Well, Bakon, we have a dilemma here. I would be happy to explain my avatar and nickname except for one thing-- I will not accede to threats and intimidation, even in jest. So ask me nicely where my name comes from or go ahead and make up something yourself.

Bonnie, I'm so sorry that you and your daughter have to go through this! Poor little kid. I don't know if this helps, but I have had 3 abdominal laproscopic surgeries over the years. They none of them were particularly difficult. Very small incisions that heal quickly and leave hardly any scar. The hardest part is the first 2 or 3 days after surgery when your abdominal muscles hurt like you got punched in the gut. That's because the doctor sometimes injects CO2 into the abdomen to inflate it so they can see and move around more easily. The inflation can stretch the muscles. But that only hurts when you try to sit up or something-- it doesn't hurt all the time and it goes away in a day or two. So based on my experience, laproscopic abdominal surgery is more frightening than painful or debilitating. Let us know how things go for you and your daughter.

I'm so sorry for your pain, Jackie, and for your mother's pain, too. It sounds like Smudge was a treasured and well-loved cat. I know it breaks our hearts when our animal friends die, but you should take comfort in knowing that you and your mother gave him such a long and happy life.

Way to go, Sandar! I know what you mean when you say that you were shocked and surprised that you almost reflexively thought of smoking when you were upset. Yes, those old thought patterns are deeply ingrained, aren't they??!! But you handled it perfectly. Having the thought is NOT the same as doing the deed! Good for you! It's wonderful that you and your husband are there for your grandson. I know that's not how you expected your life to be at this point, but thank God you are there to rescue this precious child. Let the damn grass get overgrown, who cares? You and your husband spend your time in happy pursuits with your grandson. And cheer up--when he is old enough, he can mow the lawn. :)

Laura, you said that what you want to do is relax for a few minutes when you get home. That's perfectly normal. But cigarettes do not have to be part of your relaxation ritual. As a matter of fact, the only thing that cigarettes do is to relieve the nicotine craving caused by your last cigarette, right? They do NOT actually cause you to relax. They are not a sedative. So OK, think about how you would like to relax now. Develop a new "I'm home" ritual. Music is wonderful-- how about putting on some lovely, relaxing music and having a cuppa? Or take your cuppa and go to the garden to watch the birds and smell the flowers. Or develop a ritual where you run yourself a warm bath and have a cuppa while you soak for 15 minutes. The trick is to focus on what it is you WANT-- in this case a brief time for relaxation-- and find a way to satisfy that want without cigarettes. It's really not hard, you just have to be willing to experiment a little.

Susana, you're a sweetheart. Thank you for calming down and understanding that we just want to help you free yourself from this dangerous and expensive addiction-- each in our own way, of course. :) Yes, it was clear from your original post that you were primarily trying to help others who might find themselves tempted to relapse. You succeeded in your intention. Your original post and the responses to it will be a very valuable resource to others who are feeling shaky and tempted. Even the wide variety of responses you got will be helpful to others-- different messages resonate with different people. Thank you for "paying it forward" and I hope that you will soon be ready to quit again.

M-m-m-m! Wiley, when you go to the market, please get enough for two!

According to Rikki Tisser, marketing manager of Invision Power (the company that developed the forum software used by QT) the only "Titles" or "Ranks" they provide are Newbie, Member and Advanced Member. Any other designations are custom creations requested by the site owner. So I guess the title"Versed Member" was requested by the QT founders and the official explanation are the ones provided by MQ: "It means you've ran the gauntlet and survived." and Colleen: "Versed in the ways of the QT." That may be so, but I still prefer my definition: "One who has posted so much that nobody can remember what they said or when or why." :clapping: But really, it's easier just to go into your profile and enter something in the "Title" field so the "Versed" term gets displaced. :)

Marti, congratulations on your 6 month quit. Good for you! Your post is very thoughtful and very inspirational. You are giving voice to a lot of things that helped me quit, only you said it better than I could. Here's to the next 6 months of freedom! [by the way, how did you decide to finish up your redecorated sanctuary? Inquiring minds want to know.]

I love avocados and often eat them with a spoon and some French dressing. I put them on tacos, of course, and make a salad with diced avocados, tomatoes and fresh mozzarella dressed with basil, garlic and rice vinegar. Just recently, I discovered a recipe for a shrimp and avocado salad that I like a lot. You can find it here http://www.publix.com/aprons/meals/MainDish/SimpleMeal.do?mealId=8088&mealGroupId=1000

Beacon, the secret to having a wild and crazy youth is ignorance and stupidity. As you start to gain experience and wisdom, the appeal of such selfish and high-risk behavior wanes. It's just a fact of life. I remember talking to a young man in his early 30's. He loved his lifestyle of going out to clubs and drinking and dancing every weekend. This particular day was a Monday morning and he was very depressed. He said that he was at one of his favorite clubs as usual when after an hour or so he realized that he wasn't having any fun. The music was irritating and too loud, the conversations were repetitive and banal, he didn't really feel like getting drunk yet again. He finally just left at 11:00. He realized that he really didn't like clubbing any more but he had no idea what he was going to do for fun instead. He was really bummed out. I told my friend, "That's what jazz clubs are for." In other words, I had been in exactly the same place as he and I, too, suddenly discovered that I had lost my taste for clubbing (my "time" was back in the days of disco). It happens to everybody. Really. And it's not just clubs. You will find that they just don't make movies like they used to. Today's music is raucous and unintelligible. Loud, crowded parties get on your nerves. etc. etc. Even amusement parks-- rides you used to love as a teen or a 20-something now leave you bored and/or physically sick. My observation (and my experience) is that as you get older you need to find different interests and activities that you enjoy. They are usually quieter and more sober pursuits that end by 11 o'clock at night. You will not have the wild, screamingly funny experiences you had in your youth. A lot of that joy was due to your new-found sense of freedom, the novelty of various situations, and to imitating your equally youthful and hormonally-driven friends. You will get more pleasure from a back yard barbecue with a half-dozen close friends than from a wild party weekend at somebody's grandmother's vacant lake cottage. All this may sound sad and dull. It is sad and dull (even if unavoidable). But there is also a lot of good to be said for experience and wisdom, too. You become comfortable with yourself and who you are. You no longer have to try on different persona to find the right "fit" for you. You come to realize that you will probably never win a Nobel prize or become the president of a Fortune 500 company, and that's OK with you. A pimple is just a pimple that will go away in a couple of days, not a tomato-sized deformity that is going to ruin your life. You settle in to and come to rely upon the comfort of one, solid relationship rather than getting dressed up and cruising the singles scene every night trying to see if you are still attractive to the opposite sex. Beacon, your wheel of life is turning. Learn to embrace and appreciate your new calm and contentment. If you have friends who still go for the wild parties and the drinking and the smoking and the man-chasing, you probably have little in common with them any more and you should probably let them go. People grow and change and that's OK.

Holski, I just noticed your signature line: "Nutella is not chocolate pudding and shouldn't be eaten as such." I love that! LMAO!!

My mother got settled in at a rehab facility the other day so I was able to come home yesterday. It's a long, boring drive (8 hours) so even though I listen to talking books, I do sometimes wish I had a cigarette to break the monotony. At one point I stopped to get gas and use the restroom. As I was leaving the store I was looking around a bit. The clerk caught my eye and asked if she could help me. I said, "Yes. Tell me no." She looked puzzled and wary but said, "No." I said, "Thank you." Then I continued, "I quit smoking some months ago but I saw your sign advertising cigarettes for $3.25 a pack. So I was thinking..." She immediately caught on and said, "NO!! Absolutely not!! Get out of this store right now!" So I did. We both had a good laugh over the exchange. I probably would not have bought any cigarettes, but for certain sure that clerk would not have sold me any even if I wanted them. That's what I call good customer service! :)

I thought it might have something to do with amnesia as in: "Versed is primarily an amnesia drug, that is often part of an IV cocktail for "twilight" anasthesia (deep sedation)." [from a dentistry forum] So putting all these responses together, I guess a "versed member" is one who has posted so much that nobody can remember what they said or when or why. Sure, that makes sense to me. Thanks! :lol2:

What a great photo, Julie! And such a lovely, adorable baby! Give him a big hug from me! (((HUG)))

Susana, it sounds like you get caught up in the "No Man's Land" phenomenon. You pride yourself on rising to the challenge of a new quit and you enjoy the attention and applause you get from a new quit. But as the weeks and months pass all the excitement dies down and your patience for the (now occasional) craves plunges to zero. You don't seem to have a very clear and enticing picture in your head of why you want to quit smoking and how your life will be better without smoking so you decide to throw in the towel and go back to smoking. You enjoy the drama and attention of the relapse for a while, and then you quit smoking again. Does anyone know if Joel Spitzer ever recorded a video talking about this thing I"m calling "No Man's Land"? The middle period of a quit where the excitement of a new quit has died down but you still feel craves and are tempted to smoke sometimes?

Oh, I see what you mean. A "relapsed smoker" is a smoker with the extra added burden of shame and self-loathing for having failed a quit. OK. If you want to call it that. However, I suspect that there are really very, very few smokers who have not tried to quit at least once. Even if just because they were in the hospital for a few days and thought, "Gee, I haven't smoked for the last 3 days, I wonder if I can keep it up after I'm discharged." But regardless of who has or has not tried to quit, just attend to your own quit and don't compare yourself to anyone who is still smoking. You do what you need to do to protect your quit!

What is a "versed member"?

Susana, you are hiding from your own truth. And as long as you refuse to acknowledge what is going on with you and accept responsibility for your choices, you will not have the life you want. The truth is that you are an active nicotine addict. Mentally and physically there is no such category as "relapser". You are either a smoker or a non-smoker. Acknowledge that fact. Second, you need to accept and understand why you chose to start smoking again. A few weeks ago you said that you "just don't know" why you relapsed. You do know. Of course you do. You need to reveal the reason and deal with it. Some people can skip the navel-gazing step and just say N.O.P.E. and not smoke. But I think that you, like me, need to understand better what is going on with you. So get honest with yourself. Look at your truths, Susana, with honesty and courage. Deal with your realities. Then quit smoking again from a position of knowledge and strength.

Congratulations, Ceri (if you're reading this)! I agree that Ross is one of the best inspirations, mentors and quit buddies you could have. Trust him. But be careful-- I have heard that if he finds out that you are toying with the idea of smoking again he will come to your house, hold you up in the air by your ankles, and shake you until your cigarettes and lighter fall onto the floor. I mean, this guy is ferocious (but effective)!! :D