I can do this

Yay!! Thanks for the support everyone!!! :) :)

Lol! I had asked a question and then changed my mind about asking it. All is good. :)

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Sometimes if I would smoke too fast or too many in a row I would cough so hard I would start dry-heaving. That was attractive. Hiding, constantly, from loved ones bc I was "in the closet". Yeah right, I'm sure I wasn't hiding it from anyone now that I know how awful the stench is.

With the exception of my 2 cig stumble last month, I've been smoke free since January. I'm done smoking, feeling secure with my quit. It's starting to really disgust me. But my anxiety has gotten out of control since January. DH thinks I need to go back on anti-anxiety meds, I would prefer not to. I've been off of them for over 2 years and had been able to control it myself, until January. I'm wondering if the increased anxiety is related to quitting? Did anyone else have this "side effect"? And if so, does it go away on its own? I need my brain to quiet down, bc it's driving me crazy!

Haven't Posted in a while. Been lurking though. Ugh. I cheated, wouldn't say relapsed but cheated. Felt embarrassed. Early June I was on a girls weekends. Too many vodka/crans left me outside calling a cab for our ride home. Standing among the smokers outside I asked to bum one and was obliged. Later I bummed one from the cab driver too. So 2 cheats. I knew exactly what I was doing. Can't blame it on anything but my own stupidity. Woke up SOOO mad at my self the next morning. SOOOOOO MAD. HATRED SELF TALKING ALL THE DRIVE HOME. This led to a realization. That I'm DONE. I'm done being a smoker. every single time I've thought about a cig since my drive home, I've relived being so mad at myself and I'm not going through that again. I don't know if I "needed" that last hoorah to put the "romanticizing" behind me or what. Have had a few craves since then but haven't cheated again and am pretty disgusted by the habit.

Thank you for posting this.

I know I'm romancing it. I keep trying to recall all the bad stuff too. Like making my kids, who were happily playing outside in the fresh air, go inside for a "break" so mommy could hide outside and have a smoke (I totally hid it from my kids and I think-HOPE-they were too young to figure out what was going on.) WTF was wrong with me?! THAT kind of stuff really helps put the addiction in perspective and keeps me saying NOPE for today.

Still here. Haven't caved although this week has been bad for some reason. Started trying to rationalize having "just 1". Didn't do it! I think it is all related to the change in weather. I liked sitting outside having a smoke. This too shall pass. . . Thanks for the support.

Haven't smoked. And won't. But I want to. Isn't that terrible after all this time?

The craves are STRONG today, out of no where I woke up craving one, first thought this morning was "it's time to get up and have a smoke". Haven't had that thought in months. Haven't had craves this strong in at least 6 weeks. It's a gorgeous day, we are drinking beer and doing yard work which always equaled lots of smoke breaks. Don't know if that's it or what, that doesn't explain waking up CRAVING one. I'll stay strong bc I have no plans on going back but I tell ya, if I was in a situation where smokes were readily available I could see my addiction winning today. I won't be in a situation like that today, but this is scaring me bc I thought I was doing so much better. I thought I was really finally over it.

I had quit smoking twice before because of pregnancy. Relapsed both times, the quit was way to easy and I thought I could handle being a social smoker. WRONG! This time, we bought a pack on New Years Eve and hubs and I decided it would be the last pack we bought. He had wanted to quit for a while, but I didn't. He quit that night, I finished the pack and had my last cig on 1/3. We bought an e-cig but it tasted gross and was awkward and clunky. So about 2 weeks later we were done with that too. This was a hard quit for me. It sucked, BAD. I struggled a lot. Still have the occasional crave- maybe on a Friday after work or with alcohol but nothing like those first 2 or 3 months. But I feel pretty secure lately. But not cocky, I'll never let myself get cocky about it again. One motivator to stay quit is that after years of high blood pressure even with medication, my bp reading was in the lower normal range at my last visit. Sometimes I enjoy smelling a burning cigarette. But not the nasty after effects that stick to people long after they've put it out. I can't believe I used to smell like that. So gross. I can't believe I thought I could hide it from people. I'm happy I found this forum. Even though I don't post often, I do read and it kept me from slipping in those early months when my quit was so fragile. Quitting is one of the things I'm most proud of right now.

Celebrating 4 months with NOPE!!!!!!!!

I did breathing exercises. When a craving hit, I would take a long drag of air (almost as if taking a hit), hold it in a few seconds and then slowly blow it out. Almost as if I was smoking an imaginary cig. When it would catch in my chest and I held it in a second, it gave a relaxing sensation similar to taking a hit. I would think things about breathing in clean, fresh air instead of nasty, grey, smelly smokey air. I don't know, It was likely all in my head and anyone who saw me probably thought I was nuts but it worked for me.

That throat hangover is a weird thing. I've had that also woken up and my chest feels heavy/lungs tight like I really smoked a lot, when I haven't had any. I've wondered about that too. Congrats on staying strong!