I'm sorry you are struggling, Kris.
You still feel that you are missing out on something by not being able to smoke. I stopped smoking for many short short periods of time but I went back because I felt I was missing something by not smoking. I see now that isn't true. All that smoking gives you is bad....darkness, disease, etc.
Life isn't perfect as a non-smoker....crappy stuff will still happen, but you will not continue to have your life center around an addiction that is killing you. That just makes things a lot worse.
Without going into detail, my life at my 1 year quit mark was, in many ways, a lot better than it is now. I felt proud and was optimistic for the future. There is a lot more struggles in my life now (nothing special about me, that's just how life is) but I feel much stronger without having to deal with all the BS of continuing to feed my nicotine addiction. All smoking does is make things worse.
You are doing a great thing by reaching out about how you are feeling. It is really disappointing to still struggle. But you really need to accept that you are now a non-smoker (a great thing) and put the BS bs of being a smoker behind you.
Do what you can to put the lies that you are missing something by not smoking behind you. It is all BS and isn't worth the frustration. Move on from that negativity. I know that is easier said than done but you need to do this.
