Welcome back, Pumpkin. I'm sorry you've had trouble quitting for good. I had multiple short attempts and I think your remark about "sabotage myself" kinda fit with me as well during those times. I think part of it was being scared of actually really succeeding at quitting.
But, I can tell you, as I'm sure you know, that cycle of quitting, relapsing, quitting, relapsing, really sucks. When you are quitting, you wish you had a cigarette and when you were a smoker, you wish you were quitting. It is best to quit for good and stop going through that crazy cycle. Eventually things get better.
Take it one day at a time and don't focus on your past relapses. Try to focus on the positives of what you are doing by quitting. If you get down or feel the need to sabotage yourself, remember that what you are doing by quitting is a really awesome thing. You can do this.