PorkandPancakes

'(Non)smokinghot' even?! Should've listened to you Joe. It was a good name!

Not much to add to that today. Been in a bit of a funk these last few days (grumpy in other words). Haven't been able to put my finger on why. Just haven't been able to summon up a smile. Maybe quitting effects my emotions. Maybe it's hormonal? Maybe its environmental ? I'm not really sure why. Felt a bit brighter today though. Happy Monday all. :-)

I know it's real. I've seen you post about it. But I didn't think for a second it would happen to me and nor did I factor in how REAL it feels!! So in my dreams last night, I was sat talking to my other half and I picked up my tobacco, rolled a cigarette and started smoking it. about half way through, I realise I have quit!! The worst part is that the dream brain tells me it was lovely, I have the 'Ahhhh' moment. No coughing, no disgusting taste. I of course know this is untrue. But dream brain can not use my new found logic. Stupid brain. I had to tell my day brain to f**k off (sorry for language) this morning cos day brain heard from dream brain that this smoking stuff ain't really so bad.....! Anyway, I'm not wavering or feeling weak and I'm definitely not planning to smoke but still, talk about an undercover assassination attempt!!!

Oh Marti-I have a wee obsession with reading all things vampire/paranormal/werewolf/wizard/witches. Have you read anything by Connie Suttle or Robert Crane?

(Looking interested in the wallpaper) huh? Did someone say something?

Happy birthday Colleen

Congrats TEW. 1 year is an amazing achievement! Sorry today is a sad day for you but at least it's a non-smoking day. I envy you your 365 day quit. :-)

its the same for lots of people but the quit is for you, not for others. There are ways to work round it like asking your partner not to smoke around you for a while until you get up your strength and you never know, you just might be the push your partner needed to quit too. Quitting is too hard, I will fail.....

But seriously, Canada has no secret organisations? Or maybe it's so secret they don't even say the name...

Scene1: bacon, maple and pancake standing back to a wall Pancake: ssssh, we need to 'crepe' quietly down the corridor Bacon: I hope the Pig is in there Maple: This could be a 'sticky situation' Tense music plays, camera pans out, advert break....... My contribution, now I need a drink!

My mistake Bumble. I misread your home country. Think I was trying to take in everybody's answers and got mixed up. So Mounties are the Canadian Police.....are there any secret agencies like MI5 or FBI? Bakon: yes, no gun (thank goodness) but I don't encounter guns often either. Football capital? You mean American Football? I love country. I would also love to visit Nashville. And eat Southern food. I'd love that.

Aw, forum love. I love that you met on here. Quitting smoking is THE BEST!

Sunnyside- well done for quitting cannabis too. I see so many people with mental health issues in my job and I swear cannabis is a contributing factor. Action- how exciting, a dad in mere days. Enjoy your last few worry free days. And buckle up, you're in for one hell of a ride. Ps: any VHS or specific ones? I got a few stuffed in a cabinet somewhere! Doreen: I follow your posts and updates because I was so convinced I would be you. I wholeheartedly believed I wouldn't be able to quit. I am so pleased you beat this. I'm sorry your husband hasn't beaten these demons (I think I saw you post somewhere that he still smokes?) Coleen-COPD? You look so young in your pic!! Did it get a whole lot better when you quit? How long did you smoke? Bat-I always wanted to go to the moon Frez- RN in an OR sounds pretty interesting to me. I'm guessing you see more on a quiet day than some see in their lives. An honourable job that you do. Petra-that throat clearing thing is exactly me! I'm always doing it. Even now. How long did it take to clear? I'm looking forward to a clear throat! Run- were you a runner before you quit? I can't run at all. I feel like I'm going to collapse because I can't breathe! Bumble-in my mind, you are now a top secret FBI undercover agent. Do not shatter this illusion.

Tracey - you move between USA and UK? And I love the thought of you driving an HGV. Perhaps it should be the "Quit Lorry", not the QT!

Wow. I'm thoroughly enjoying reading all these. So many interesting and different people literally on the other side of the world and some on my doorstep! Marti: our kids are nearly the same age. I have 2 girls, 9 and 5 yrs. I'm glad you no longer look after your toxic mother. Xx

So it occurs to me that you guys get to meet new people, ask questions and watch them develop so I thought it might be nice to get to know you all a bit better too. I'd love a few intros from the old timers here. I have so many questions for you all. So, here's a few questions for you all. I'll go first.... Where in the world are you? England, UK When and how did you quit? 18days ago, cold turkey with the App and this forum. Did smoking affect your health that you know of? No, except out of breath/wheezy Has quitting significantly improved things? Not yet but it's early days What is the last music album you bought? Kasey Musgraves, same trailer different park Are you a parent? Yes, to two girls Tell me an interesting fact about you... I can solve a Rubik's cube What is your current (or your last) job? I'm in bakon's line of work

2 negative emotions that I'm trying to let go of. I felt them every day when I woke up still a smoker. Now I still feel them every day. Only now instead of asking 'WHY DO I SMOKE?' and 'WHY CAN'T I QUIT?' I ask myself 'WHY DID IT TAKE SO LONG?' and 'WHAT IF I ALREADY CAUSED TOO MUCH DAMAGE?' And ask myself endless questions about why I didn't do it sooner. The biggest secret to quitting? Don't make it hard. I was utterly convinced that I couldn't do it. And a little education, a little enlightenment and not only have I done it, it hasn't been that hard. It ISN'T hard. I was talking to a colleague who quit a year or so before me. He was asking how I'm finding it, is it hard etc, and I was answering him no, it's not really hard. I have 'thoughts'. I don't 'crave' and after a while we were both giggling because it sounds like I've been brain washed. And it's the most welcome brain washing I could ever have hoped for. And under the guilt, and anger, and fear (because that's the root of the other emotions, fear that I left it too late), I think I can feel a little pride. Not the bad kind either. I mean pride that I have actually achieved the 'impossible' and realising I'm possibly even a little worthy. Who knew that smoking kills your self esteem!? 17 days and counting....

Quitting Smoking is not as hard as...... Learning to juggle Solving a Rubin's cube ..... I jest but seriously..... Being ashamed of yourself every single day Suffering from ever lower self esteem Thinking every new ache/pain/twinge is a sign of cancer Feeling guilty for smoking near your children Wondering if seeing you smoke will set your children up for the same torment Trying to take up running and realising that you can't breathe with seconds Laying awake at night hating yourself for not quitting

Today is day16, quit still feels strong but I've developed a sore throat and lots of throat clearing today. Is this normal? I'm sure it is but you start thinking, am I coming down with somethings or is this quit linked. On a side not, I took my first belt in karate class yesterday. 2015, the year I started karate and quit smoking.......now if I could just find the perfect diet.......

Ooh Nancy! I love the In Death series by JD Robb. Eve and Roarke......love em!! And Kendra, I love the Traveling Wilburys! And Family Cooking Crafting Sleeping Laughing Definitely not smoking!

Oh goodness TEW. I am so totally in awe of you. A year down the line, I cannot even imagine. I watched my Dad battle with long quits and relapses for years. The struggles he went through. He quit 15 years ago now but he would still sometimes tell me how easy it would be to smoke just one! I think that's why I have been so afraid to quit. I was terrified that I would still be pining for smokes, 15yeats later. But that's ridiculous. See my Dad didn't have this education. He didn't reprogram his mind. He just quit cold turkey. My Mum quit in the 80's which was apparently even harder as everybody smoked, everywhere. She even quit using gradual reduction. She says she cut out her least fave cig of the day, one at a time until she was down to one a day. Then she gave that one up. I'm in awe. We have so much available to us now which means we don't have to suffer and endure for quite so long. It's an everyday battle though. TEW, I think you're awesome and an inspiration. You come here, you support strangers. I've read the boards and I see you all helping newbies that skid in, some on their knees, some shrieking SOS!! Help me!!!!!, only to tear away again a week later, never to return. It must be so disheartening. So thanks to you and all the other old timers. I appreciate your support and just having a little corner of the Internet to offload my inane ramblings without upsetting anyone. I think there is no "model non smoker". We used nicotine for cheap thrills. We have to learn to function without it. I'm eating too much and struggling to recognise when I'm full. The next person may romance the smokes, the next.....you get my point.. I think "non-smoker" is good enough Xx

You guys are all very kind. I worry it comes across like I'm not struggling at all with any of this and I'd hate people to think I don't get it, or understand it or feel the same as others. I think it's just my time. I have struggled, I had insomnia, im wheezy and primarily, I'm emotional. I have had a difficult time adjusting to a nicotine free brain. My hormones feel very off kilter. I'm also grieving. I grieve for the loss of my early adulthood and my late childhood. I'm angry at myself for the harm I've done. I'm working through the guilt. I used to lay in bed at night and think, "right now, right here. I'm doing nothing bad for me" How terrible one should have to wait to be doing nothing to be doing something good for you. So, please, for people that see me celebrating my quit and raving about not craving etc. It's still hard and it's still there. I just chose not to focus on 'I want one'. I can see people tearing their hair out arguing with themselves and part of the audio that helped me quit described That argument as being yourself having an almighty tantrum because you can't have what you want. But it's not something you want. Because if you wanted it, you'd have it and stop quitting. So you have a tantrum because you can't have what you want which is what you hope you will never have again because YOU DONT WANT IT! So, I CAN smoke. I don't WANT to. Thus, no tantrum. No want=no crave. I have triggers. I don't have cravings. Anyway, I digress. I just wanted to explain how my quit is not easier than the next. It's just mine has gone in different direction to some others. Happy no smoking day to everyone.

Well, today is two weeks since I smoked. I've been out drinking twice, had to start learning a brand new dysfunctional computer system at work (which is not working still), delivered terribly sad news to an elderly lady with dementia and argued twice with the other half. But I haven't smoked a cig. Last night I dreamt I started rolling a cigarette. But gladly I didn't smoke it, even in my head. I'm still wondering what took me so long to get here?! I cried over those thoughts on the first 2 nights. Still, onwards and upwards. Happy Monday. Xx

Thanks Joe. Actually, the responses I got from Smokers ranged from 'Well done, that's awesome' to 'yeah, we'll see, you'll be back by Christmas '. It was fascinating to watch though. 2 of the smokers there were 'non-smokers' last year after quitting. Smoking is like a merry go round with people jumping on and off all the time. It's the first time I ever just stood back and looked at the whole thing for what it is. Very surreal realising I've been on that bloody ride forever, making me feel sick, making me ill, spinning round and round. Watching friends jump off, dizzy at first then some straighten up and walk away forever, some stand on the sidelines, wishing they could jump back on until eventually they do and some never really stop wobbling and just glide back on again. I always just kept going round and round. Now I'm stood, watching the merry-go-round. Waving as my friends go past. And I don't want to get back on. I want to try new rides. I'm waving goodbye to the merry-go-round of death.

Oh, day 13......(just in case anyone is counting!)