cheri

Not for today.

Flinging out the hatred? Thinking about becoming a she killer because you watched too much of the man hating bitch channel? (lifetime or nancy grace, take your pick) Having shotsoftokillyaandleavingyourpantiessomewhere? I am interested in your soul rebuilding. I like those talks.

I have read a lot about this ticker thing. I am not setting mine back. To me, I did NOT relapse into complete pack a night smoking. I do not believe one puff means you failed in life as an addict. To me, I look at my ticker and I am proud of what I have done so far. I will absolutely not set myself back into an entire re do of what I have accomplished. I think that would be destructive, not constructive. And depressive. For me, that would only lead to anger. Not that I have anger issues or anything..im just sayin. I did mark this day on my calendar though, as a trigger, something I need to watch for and work on. STAY ON THE UP SIDE.

Every time shit happens, whether it be in the midst of it, or after, I am logged in here somewhere or just reading offline. Today I just couldn't. I will post a lot. I just didn't want anyone thinking I just sailed on through my quit, which was not as bad as I thought it would be, without failure. Without do overs. I won't lie about any of it. It all ******* sucks ass.

Hugs you really hard back. Thank you!

Not sure where I was supposed to put all of this, so I'll just leave it right here. I can honestly say I am not sure I would have even posted an sos today, even if I could have on my phone. It would have been inappropriate. Not sure how many of you may have read all my shit on another board previously, but HOLY shit, do I have shit going on. And issues. Today I was at my friend's daughters funeral. It was a sudden funeral, one I just found out about, and would have hated myself for if I'd not gone. I have spent, seriously, the past month at funerals, or hospitals. Man does that make a quit easy. I have had a nervous breakdown and been put on medication due to all the stress. I was doing okay. Sort of. Then my friend hugged me. Let me just tell you I have never EVER heard a sound like that come out of a human being. I wanted to rip her heart out with my bare hands so she didn't have to feel that pain anymore. Cher?, she said. Will you sit here and smoke with me? I need to sit. Stay with me. Of course I will, I said. (She didn't know anything about me stopping). And I did. I got caught up in emotion. Then I remembered I quit. 2 drags in and I nearly threw up. (She smokes menthols. I didnt. I have made it a point to avoid situations, and buying any, no matter how bad I was feeling. I think I got high right then too). I suggested we go inside, as it was nearly time for the service and she had to go in. I went to the bathroom quick, and cried. I really thought I was going to vomit. More so for her heartache, but also because I just so pissed myself off. I have to do this AGAIN tomorrow, for my other aunt. (Just did this last week for another)... I got over being mad at myself and realized, I'm glad I am still here to have a do over, for all the family I have left, and for those of you, who I don't even know, and don't have to give one flying **** about me or my issues, that are still here to listen to and read my craziness.

I visit the F post daily. Hobbies, remember?

Giggles. Hard.

"On a different note, your intro sounds like you and Bakon will get along just fine..it must be something in the run-off of those Penn. mountains." I dunno about the run-off, but this glue sure smells great on the rags here.

I do office work all day. And by office work I really mean pretend to work while watching porn and surfing message boards like this. Masturbation has become a hobby as since my quit, I don't know what else to do with my hands. I hope that changes soon. I think I have given myself carpal tunnel. Is that even possible?

Why do women wear flesh colored leggings as pants around here? I have seen more camel toe in the past week than I have ever cared to. I'm scared. Hold me.

I am not worried about a chick being in there, BUT.... That little white thingie that is sometimes attached to the yolk? I am convinced that is rooster remnants. Just...no.

Really stupid things like this make me laugh. I LOVE haikus!

Thanks. Yes, Babs, I quit Aug 14th.

I'm Cheri. It's nice to meetcha! I'm pretty sure I am insane, though this has not been medically confirmed. Yet. I was brought over to this site by my friend Dave, who suggested I may fit in a bit better here as I have a tendency to swear a lot when I am frustrated. Frustration happens fairly often right now, as I am completely stressed out and my quit is brand spanking new. That being said, know I don't mean to offend anyone, (if I did, believe me it would be very obvious) but I won't change who I am for any reason. I will talk about anything, and everything. I am very open about myself and my thoughts. I hope I never have to wear adult diapers when I grow up. Okay. That is all for now. Have a lovely Monday.