cheri

All moved into the condo with Alexa. A little strange, but peaceful. A little sad, but a necessary choice. It is impossible to live with an abusive addict while trying to make yourself better in more ways than just not smoking. I oddly feel empowered, stronger. Hell, I should after all this crap over the past year. I hope this is the right decision. I hope this next 6mos leads to positives. I hope I can let go of all the yucky stuff quickly. If it goes badly, I hope I recover fast. Aint no time for sadness. Ps..lol..I am not on lsd, Im just weird. :D I take full advantage of being able to have a lot of fun whenever I can, and am not afraid to share the crazy. I have never done drugs in my life.

Sooo.. Vaca was AFUCKINMAZING. I left with no cash.. Came back with Dried fruits. Cash. Sugar packets. Napkins. AND PANTS!!! sometimes i have come home sans pants. and hookers in the trunk. Packing sucks. So does the fighting pre-out. Sigh-giggle. BRING IT ON NEW BEGINNINGS!!! be out for a bit. still..NOT SMOKING. though i do think about it..its just a thought. sometimes i think about licking raw chicken just to see if i'll really get salmonella.

Alex...mom, i just want to sleep in my own bed. Me...you will. soon. Alex..this all happened because you stopped smoking. Me..no..this happened because i gained freedom, freedom that was long overdue. this is just an excuse. Alex...what does that even mean mother? Me..how about we talk more tomorrow. i love you. Slamdoor. sadness. i dont even know what to say to this ...not that i told any of you whats going on but WTF. that makes me so sad. its an obvious reason for blame. long rocky road ahead. marshmallow free.

-8

is anyone here into the walking dead comics? read them? im geeky like that.

i hate spinoffs. i hate reality tv. i hate remakes of classic horror movies. i have no interest in this. oct 11 cant come soon enough.

this thread really clicked with my rollercoaster life. though i have never done drugs, which most associate with addiction... smoking is exactly the same thing. if not worse. strength is hard to find sometimes. weakness is harder to admit. the first step is making an honest change...with yourself. i dont feel so weird about posting all my shit on here. happy anniversary, bakon!

Grease..in my pants. The excorsist..in my pants. The blob..in my pants. Weekend at bernies..in my pants. The fly..in my pants. The hand..in my pants. The human centipede..in my pants. (this saved me from multiple posting).

Sometimes things spiral. Downhill. Mine is going the opposite. I think? I am scared to death about my newfound short termed lease. I move in on the 1st. Now, I own a home, and am renting a condo for me and Alexa. This is going to be interesting. Being single, but not. Paying for a home I am not living in. There are not enough swear words in my vocabulary for this. Some say when you are separated, its okay to do you. Being as I dislike grey areas....and assume doing me, means dating...*******... I'll pass on all of that. I dont think being separated but married is a free pass to go **** other people. Especially this early into it. Thats just asking for more trouble. IN ALL THAT... I asked the owner, can people smoke here? He said not even on the property. Go across the street if you have to. :) Thats too much work for me.

I ran home today to grab a few things. I had to pee. After all these years, if I'd have known all I had to do was ******* leave to get... 1, the goddamn toilet paper refilled by someone other than me (future stock included) 2. the goddamn toilet paper hung the right ******* way by someone other than me 3. the seat put down. (I have actually broken toilet seats left up in my violent rages after my ass hits the toilet water at 3am half asleep..I know some of you COMPLETELY get this) I'd have left a long time ago. TOILET PAPER GETS HUNG FREE SIDE OVER. NOT UNDER. *still not going back that's just a trick*

Now that I'm done dinner, and did NOT burn my bosses house down, but filled his desk with snotty tissues... soup sandwhich All I could think about is sex. I once had a friend who told me something about "******* my ex was like ******* a bowl of soup" THE VISUALS. THE STRUGGLE.

THANK YOU! I dont know that I am getting divorced as of yet...but the separation is much needed, sadly upon much other losses and grief. But Ill figure it out. Its weird how I find such peace in total strangers.

You just made me cry. I need to remember to not sign in when I am cooking things. :D Im going to burn my bosses house down.... I dont really know any other way to be than all in or all out. Grey areas piss me off. They take too much work. Thank you for your belief in me, and your kind words, and compassion. Sometimes I need that. <3

Ok maybe I should never say never..but definitely never three days in a row again because “Cher, you need to relax. Forgetaboutit. Here have this”…. OKAY!!! WHAT FUN! YIKES. No. Definitely reminded me why I don’t do that, like that anymore. It’s been a rough couple of months. :D Alexa and I have been staying with my boss (as I mentioned before) after leaving my husband. Been an adventurous week for sure. 2015, the year of loss. I can't wait to be able to forget it. Too much thinking going on again. (Positive side? by the time I am through with all of this shit, I'll be able to tackle ANYTHING in stride and my stress free life, really will be stress free). When things get like this, is when I always struggle. The idle phases. The unsure phases. Fighting. The I’ll just go have a smoke, and think some more phases. I need to talk to someone…wait, I hate everyone, don't trust anyone, and want to be left alone. Abandonment. Empowerment. ALL AT ONCE. LOL! I don’t know if those feelings are normal from quitting, or because I’m half crazy from all I am going through. Maybe both. This is really weird. Just thinking and not smoking. But thinking about smoking more than I was before. Thankfully they are just thoughts, I know they will pass, and I can come on here any time and just post my random weirdness, whether I am drunk or sober when I feel them. I’m going to rot out my teeth with these lollipops and go think of when I may be normal again. Whatever that means.

I watched maybe 6 friends at the pool today smoke. Chain smoke. It smelled really bad. I wanted to tell them OMG seriously..you just smoked a minute ago.I 'Ill never be like that. All holier than thou...but I did wanna smack them I missed it for a second. Then I had more tequila. You know what they say about tequila and girls? ITS TRUE. I am not sure where my panties are, but at least I have some on. They aren't mine. We don't have to go there. anyway... I watched some vape. I dont get that for the life of me. They said it tasted like fruity pebbles. I'd rather eat that shit with whole milk. It looked like they were taking bong hits I don't find that to be any more attractive.Unless you're really taking bong hits. I'll be over there to your left, next to the fence. Thats how I rolled. Literally.

HA! Such silliness. I've been staying at my bosses house for a while, and let me just say that waking up to the smell of coffee and breakfast this early in the morning, when I didn't have to cook it is FANTASTIC. I'll be poolside ALL day. I hope they adopt me. I'd like here to be my forever home. Have a great weekend!!

dog=

Not. but i am drunk. :D sinners even looking at this.

im in.

never let a THING control you. this is just a thing. It doesn't have feelings. You dont have to care.

Today I'm just wondering how much a professional hit man costs, and thinking of how awesome it would be to just disappear to some unknown tropical island where cute pygmy men served me fruity foo-foo drinks in coconuts, while fanning my hot self with those big feathery fan thingies and massaged my feet all day. I'd have them feed me grapes too, but I hate grapes. Unless they're fermented.

HAHAH! I just got so confused on what day it is, but nope. Not today, and not the real Friday either.

Noooooo...I am definitely not.

HOLY SHIT! Not that I didn't think you were beautiful from reading your posts prior to this..but WOW! (always nice to see faces and things) You look spectacular! Such dedication to yourself. <3

I don't know Nancy well enough to be in her pants, but I'll give her a big hug and a reach-around when I do it.