cheri

My friend and two sons came over for a little dinner today. They were getting ready to go as their mom said..come on! we have to go take baths I said..i wanna bath too! Will you share? The 4 year old..no! im not sharing my bath with you! no no no. Me..fine then. let me just give you the heimlich maneuver so you can vomit up all the food i just fed you, you ingrate. Thatll teach you about sharing 4 year old..whats the scratchit moving? youre so silly, you crazy, I want a hug Bends over to hug him, and he socked me right in the eye. Im not sure if im glad i didn’t have more kids, or if im sad i missed out on something. Ps..best birthday week EVER! If i could turn back time and repeat, i so would. I did have to leave one bar, due to smoking allowed inside still, but that was okay. I survived. Working on thanksgiving madness next. YES!

"but I need cotton on my crotch" i need much MUCH more than cotton on my crotch.

im not sure exactly what this game is supposed to be, bakon, but... id kiss a girl.

finish baking all the cupcakes for my friends party tomorrow. i forgot the eggs in the batter. uh..did you bake them yet? no.. .well then scrape all the shit out of the cups, and do over i dont want to do this anymore she says... what? bake? your friend, your deal. you gonna go empty handed? no. you never go anywhere empty handed, mother. and...yeah bake. i messed up. okay then just give up and set the house on fire. id do it if i had life insurance on yall. baking is easy alex. you can mess up. theres always a do over here. she did. cupcakes are moist as hell. she also ****** up her nails. picking apart cupcake tins. ahh...teenage life. angst.

i havent had that yet..though im going to assume its like a wet dream when you wake up with a semi.

its always hard to say goodbye to the person you once were. i find it harder to say goodbye to EVERYTHING at one time. you didnt lose yourself. just a little thing, like not stepping on cracks. walking under ladders. putting seatbelts on. not drinking out of the milk container. youre still YOU. happy birthday to you!

ill be going back to the house, and cooking for 13. as always. we will be decorating for christmas, and prepping for the holidays. tradition.

this upcoming birthday will be my first one in years that i wont be smoking. im super happy about that but also a little nervous, as i celebrate a birthday week, not just one day. and holidays are hard for me. my birthday always begins the holidays. i always joked about it..dear god. here goes my mind and innards until january 5th. its normally a lot of noise and alcohol. drama. BUT...heres my plan. im too busy to be smoking. *reminds self repeatedly* im going to eat a lot of sushi, sashimi, rare steak, and dark chocolate. (favorite things in my mouth other than...well you know). im going to a winery with a couple girlfriends, and dont have to be home by 9pm. non-smoking limo. (girlfriends idea, not mine..tho i thanked them for that. they really do love me) philly strip clubs. BOOBS!!! im going to have the longest goddamn bubble bath ever. usually ill do that on the official day anyway, but this year ill actually be all alone. its going to be spectacular! no one knocking on the bathroom door, or talking to me through it, asking if im okay because ive been in there a half hour already, and when is dinner????.... it takes a ******* half hour just to get the bubbles right dammit. and wait? dinner?? hah. im NOT cooking dinner this birthday. facial. (avacado and oatmeal just for clarification ). wine. candles, a bit of marilyn manson and classical piano in the background, (favorite things in my ears) which will sound like a concert for one because you know...echo. loud. i like my music LOUD. bathroom music. bose. singing into the showerhead. i may even masturbate in there...because I CAN! OMG i can see if my vibe really is waterproof!!! i can even take the computer in and chat away while having a bath. or watch porn. AND watch porn!! heyyyyyyy now! hour long full body massage, mani-pedi. visiting a friend overnight sat-sun who i havent seen since her daughters funeral. loving catchup time. i see no stress in this week. in fact, there really hasnt been much going on at all. its weird, but i cant even say how grateful for the quiet i am. or have ever been. im going to practice a whole lot of self love this week. by sunday night, ill be so ready for alex to come home from my sisters and snuggle. until then? DUDE..WHERES MY CAR? FERRIS BUELLERS DAY OFF. WEEKEND AT BERNIES. ANIMAL HOUSE. STRIPPERS!!! we will talk about turkey later. i hate turkey.

i have seen a lot of weird things for sale, that youd think were a joke, but they are real. the hair of your lover (either head or pubic) entwined with hemp for bracelets bracelets, (or dolls) rings made out of your lovers teeth (or childrens..or whoevers) ballsack pendants much like the heart above... i wouldnt want to wear a ballsack necklace. pearl ones are prettier. *winks*

YES!!!

wait...maybe...:O

honesty in selves lesbian porn anal sex pot wine facials. (not those kind.pervs)

:D ive found hone delivery of rechargable batteries. and chargers. ******* yes.

Alexa is so silly...and made friends with the neighbors who hate Halloween. Im not sure why cuz she loves it..anyway They are all playing Christmas music. Im making cookies, the neighbor next door made a ham. The other is putting up her xmas tree. WTF is this world coming to? It is way too soon for that..but okay! Im all about the fun. Ps...all is okay. Mother is in rehab. Hubs is in rehab. (The judge laughed at his custody filing. Never going to happen) Im still not smoking. Though I think of it many, many, many times. Feeling out some new job opportunities. People, places, things...letting go is hard. Things are looking WAY up. Aint no other place for me to go from here, but there. UP.

hes filing for custody. THIS is amusing.

Again..welcome, Dave. You can always read my shit again if you need a distraction...lol!

As much as i would like to do so, id rather keep her dead. she doesnt even deserve that sort of reaction from me. Stepping into my home was enough of a shock...the last of one shell ever see.

ps...welcome! nice to meetcha.

I dont have a choice. I know no other way to be, but dead. Im not ready for that yet.

Thanks all, so much for listening to my craziness...i will be filing a restraining order as soon as i can this week. The arresting officer also encouraged that. None of us have yet to get any explanation as to why she decided to do this now. i really dont care. Too little, too late. It just completely ****** me up though. Let me tellya, i have never spent so much time in police stations, funeral homes, or courthouses as i have this year. UNfuckingbelievable. I slept most of the day away yesterday, i was completely exhausted, physically and emotionally. i told alex what had happened, as i couldnt hide that much from her. I do try to shelter her from icky things pertaining to my life. No need for stress on her end. She amazes me sometimes. She just said, awwh mommy..im glad you arent like her. You never upset me like that. You never would. Youre my best friend. I dont have to call her gramma, do I? hahahah... Best thing i ever coulda heard. On a good (ish?) note? Hubs decided after watching all of this play out, he will go into outpatient treatment, and has been apologizing profusely. His insurance covers most of it. Though i am NOT withdrawing the divorce procedure, nor moving back into the house ( Im committed to a 6mo lease purposely)..that is a nice thing to see/hear, if he follows through. Well see what happens there. Im not closed off to anything at this point. LOL! how could i ? Its weird how when youre trying to make yourself better, inside, outside..everywhere...life throws ****** up shit at you. I guess its just a test to see if youre really committed. -or going to BE committed. :D

Well...im okay. I had to go back to my house...(not the condo) Fought with hubs. I will never understand why he allowed her into the house. Called the police. Mother is in jail for the night, at least, as she was completely drunk so they gave her a public intoxication siting. Alexa is with a friend, she has no idea what just happened. I am going to bed. WTF. Anyone know of a good quiet place in..I dont know..Cali?

popo means alex sees it. ALL.i wont, i need to just move.

just one goddamn day.

contact me? shes on my sofa. in the house. alexa doesnt even know her. this weekend will be lovely.i tucked her in. shes in the house. not the condo.she can wake up with him. sighs. id like one motherfuckingday without something.

No, thank you. For not being a dick back. some things matter...no matter how little.