Susana

Penance. Doesn´t matter how badly I want to post. I won´t allow myself to say a word or post a cat video until I´m at day 3. (obviously this doesn´t include SOS posts, mine or somebody else´s) Like a kid that can´t go out to see their mates until they finish their homework, I can´t post until I´ve quit and kept my quit for 3 days. Carrot. You can give me stick if it takes a while. Well, 2 days and a half (let´s not be too hard on myself) You will see me lurking and liking, but I will not post. This is my last post for now. Next post will appear in the celebrations forum. Hopefully soon. Yep.

Ooops... posted a bit too early!

Oh, come on! I´ve just seen your barbecue in the photo thread!!!! ;) ;) ;)

I´m happy because I had a good night sleep (those stop-smoking self-hypnosis videos may not make you stop smoking but I´m addicted to them as sleeping aids) I´m happy because my hedge is being tackled at last. And it shows! I´m happy because I can see things more clearly now than I have in the last few weeks. (nothing to do with the hedge) That´s my three for today... not that hard, is it? :D Great idea, Petra :good3:

I feel awful. When I posted the original post it wasn´t about me. I just thought I could contribute something helpful from my postion and off I went. Then I regretted the post because it had become, again, all about me, drama, drama, attention, attention... which wasn´t my intention and made me extremely uncomfortable. Then I felt angry and frustrated that my words would be misinterpreted and (seemingly) used against me. Now I feel a bit more positive and really appreciate what you lot are doing. Tough love or not tough love you do care. Of course you are frustrated when you encounter a difficult patient! "Why what worked for me doesn´t work for her?" "Why does her make it so difficult to herself?" "Why can´t I go there and hit her around her head with a broom until sense enters her stupid brain?" I will quit. I´m getting ready. I need to get my mind ready. Last time I thought, I expected, a happy quit and I got a bitch of a quit. This time I´m getting ready for the mother of all bitches. Knuckles and tears. But I owe it to myself. I´ll do it. When? Tonight? Tomorrow? I will know. I can´t promise it will be tonight. I need to feel that "ready-go" gunshot. It has always worked once I put my mid to it. It will work again. It takes me a while to jump, but I do jump. And it is a question of hours or days once I´m for it. Then comes the swimming... Lately I have been "down" but rather than depression I think it has been sheer exhaustion. I haven´t had holidays for two years. I was looking forward to a break in August, and I didn´t have one. Not only that but this summer I´ve been working my b***cks off. I am now divorced and have a mortgage to pay. It is not fun but it is what it is. Tough titty. So I´ve been working silly hours, in scorching heat. And dealing with family problems too (which are of no interest here). Burning the candle from both ends. Next week was going to be another workathon. My plan was to finish three inheritances of non-residents so that I could go to Madrid for a wedding on Saturday, and stay unitil Monday to pay the inheritance tax in Madrid before coming back. I´m not doing it. I´m not going to the wedding. I´ll complete the inheritances between next week and the following week and get my tickets and hotel to Madrid whenever they are all finished, and my clients cover the cost of travel. That takes a lot of pressure off me. Making it a better environment to go through hell week, without a lot of added pressure. I really appreciate your support here. Different types of support, but all well intentioned. Thank you. it will not go to waste with me. I promise. And now I don´t regret having posted, as I truly think that the whole thread may be very positive to newbies and people going through "no man´s land". I hope! :give_heart:

OMG!!!! You rock! That post is just genius! Jajajajajajajajaja! So true!

Oh, gosh, I´m so sorry to read this... and that you have to go through such an ordeal. I´m also very proud of you for taking the driving seat and investigate about it and fight it with all your weapons, including those not even confirmed by the doctors. You are a brave woman. You are fighting and winning. Well done! I will be your guinea pig. I may have it too. Early days yet. But all this year I have been having problems with my right thumb and mi rigth middle finger to the point that i couldn´t write or sign for months. In the last week I have done a lot of hand-writing and this morning I´ve been working in the garden (I couldn´t hold the pruning scissors two weeks ago) it seems to come and go for me but I didn´t really thought about it (ageing, I thought). If it comes back when I quit I will let you know. I haven´t kept an eye before, but I will now. Still, would I smoke to get rid of the pain? Nope. I would put up with the pain in exchange for freedom. I don´t want to quit for health reasons. My main reason to want to quit is that I hate smoking. The addiction. The fact that my life is controlled by a stupid addiction. I think the lesson here is not so much for us. We may or may not be already doomed. The lesson, and the example, is for the youngsters. Our sons and nephews and the sons of our friends: DO NOT START SMOKING!. Oh, how I wish I hadn´t started 20 odd years ago! It may be too late for us, but it is not too late for them. Freedom. :dash2: