Kendra

o ego the shoulds , could'ves and wants illusions firmly projected becoming life .... un real really o Source in here locked away buried and glimpsed soaring in the tiny cage built of darkly schooled ego ... dying to release and to find to BE

Hola Folks, Wanting to be seated here... had 24 hours and threw them away. Didn't come here because whatever stories are playing in my head include ... need to see if I can do this before stepping up for a seat ,....again. this is silly....life or death. conscious choices, unconscious choices, fear, addiction.... I give up nothing when I choose not to smoke. so why I am here again. I chose this ... and can choose to be free. enjoy the blue skies folks. hoping to be here seated for the duration.

thank you all for your comments. This is the first time I've had the courage to pop into the train station, since I picked up again. crying as I read this with Joel video - (thanks MQ) -. playing. true, I am fighting for my life. Thanks Karen, Doreen , P&P, & chrispy. I want to believe in myself.

I deeply appreciate this site and the people here. I have sadly chosen to throw away my quit. derailed. given my power to big tobacco and circumstance. I will return. Intend to post the things that trip me up. and Plan for the places where i have chosen dying and how to choose living instead. and for now I will go eat & sleep. awareness is ugly sometimes. i finally understand the phrase 'ignorance is bliss'. wish i had babs' strength of character and belief in my strength.

walked the mile loop with side treks with felines and friend. lots of bird song and action. forest waking up. :)

-2

thanks for riding with me.

Welcome Chris! Looking forward to the ride with you.

nope for today

yes-es!!!

2

...and the grumpy witch says..... the tobacco wars was an interesting viewing..... .... and seriously, what did/do people think.... do we really need science to explain that this adiction is addiction and life taking.... just saying.... i was/am cognizant of the repercussions...........and made the choices despite the knowledge..... master of self deception, torture and deceit........ charming today aren't I?

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/TaWaQBxc0aI" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe> don't think this worked Judy in Disguise (With Glasses) by John Fred and His Playboy Band - See more at: http://playback.fm/birthday-song#sthash.QMs7u1P8.dpuf

Yay Karen Lou. Glad you are aboard and travelin' true.

PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU CAN'T BEAR SELF PITYING MOROSE CRAPOLA just binged watched the tobacco wars. ...and binged ate.... junkie, junkie, junkie been having a rough go with my head and junkie thinking. left side of chest hurts when I breathe. the end of the third episode, the smoking ad exec who is diagnosed and chooses to enjoy his smoking life TO THE END since he will die anyway...... though, IF, he could live again, knowing what he knows now, he wouldn't smoke LIT UP MY JUNKIE. me,too me, too me, too screams the junkie in me. whatever my excuse is today..... i own my choices. So I sit and eat ... another KILLER choice. Want to, want...... to find and hold the choices that live and/or love on me. patterns of life suggest other options may prevail. any body feel what i feel? & yeah, I went and read my own sos response can't prove it will pass says the junkie