Jeanne Meier

Oh my gosh! I had the same thing with the last cigarette, "had I only known". I toyed with the running out of cigarettes (sticking one toe in the water) but when the quit time came it just came with no super clear warning and I kinda had that feeling of gaving cheated myself out of having a nice goodbye. I am still struggling with cravings, but really - what exactly is that last goodbye? My friend of 33 years did nothing but destroy me, break relationhips, wreck my finances and cause me lots of grief. When I really look at it, the only good bye my Marlboro's deserved was a middle finger.

This day is just about over but not for me either. Nope. :D

Hello there, I am new to this site, I found it today when I experienced a rather tough craving or moment of wilting willpower. I stumbled on a post from someone that sounded eerily familiar to myself, trying over and over to quit to no avail. My heart told me that this person was doing the same thing I have been doing forever now, and that's building it up to something so big that the mission is doomed from the start. It's not that tough, it's not easy but not as big as some of us make it out to be. How do you eat an elephant? Yep - one bite at a time. I am a newbie to the non-smoking world (almost 6 days now) but do beleive that I am here to stay, despite my slow learning and quick forgetting days. I quit on 6-18-14 at 2am in the morning; so basically I went to bed a smoker on 6-17-14 and woke up a non-smoker on 6-18-14. My daughter will be 4 on August 5th, that's pretty neat - it took many years and happened late in life but God blessed me with a dandy! I have the baby they said I could never have, and actually tried to convince me to concede to a D&C since my body wasn't discarding the "miscarriage". She is 100% healthy (and beautiful and smart). What is not so neat is that two weeks before her second birthday, on July 15, 2012, I buried her daddy - my husband of ten years. He died of cancer, from Mesothelioma and smoking. He tried to quit several times too but smoked up until he was too weak to smoke. Rewinding the sickness, I lost my dad in 2002 and my mom in 2005, along with (literally) countless others before them - all lung cancer. Wayne State University in Michigan performed a 20 year study on our family to narrow down two genes and one chromosome (or vice versa) that runs ramped in our family leading most of us to succumb to lung cancer. I find it so odd now that the university never once made much of an issue out of the smoking, knowing the whole family smoked. And we are heavy duty, big time smokers - the kind that drag a canister of oxygen with us in one hand while clutching a pack of cigarettes in the other. My gosh, when my mom was in her last months (dying from cancer) she was left home alone briefly. During that time she fell and had to call an ambulance. Can you guess what she dragged herself over to before calling for an ambulance? Yea, they were less than impressed. And once my grandmother, (again cancer), had a mini stroke which caused her to fall and break her hip, she was completely out of her mind from the TIA. They wheeled her into the ER; the doctor examining her asked her what brought her in that day, trying to see the extent of her faculties. She said she just stopped in for a pack of cigarettes. Seriously, she was out of her mind, didn't know what year it was or who was president, but she remembered those smokes! could go on and on with similar stories outlining my family tree, like watching my grandfather, (whom died of cancer), throw himself on top of my 39 year old aunt's casket yelling that it should have been him; he was in total dismay that he lost his youngest daughter, (yep, cancer). It is sick! I can't say that I do not already have a lung related disease, that isn't something I choose to focus on, as the positive things will get me further. But I do know a few things. First, I have some lung damage, which is evident in my breathing, but hopefully this will get better in time. Second, if I have a lung disease I earned it, and it wouldn't be what it is had I given an honest effort to quit long before now. And, third, God will take me when He sees fit, but I am determined to do whatever I can to be here to raise my daughter, set a good example for her, and I won't go out as a smoker. However, once I have established myself more as a non-smoker I will see my doctor and have some scans/tests done just to be on the safe side. I am actually excited to see him so I can tell him that I did it! I really did it! Granted, smoking was my own choice to start, but I did so before I knew that my option of such choice would be revoked rather quickly so with that I feel like I am entitled to be a little proud of myself. So - that's kind of it in a nutshell. I am now a 42 year widow with a 3-1/2 year old child, and I just quit smoking. It took 33 years to drop the habit that I always grew up knowing I would have, since I watched all the adults do it since I was born. And in case you're doing the math.... Yes, I was the 10 year old kid that would walk around the park picking up and smoking discarded cigarette butts or sneaking puffs of my parent's burning cigarettes that they'd leave in the ashtrays. Like I said, I knew, like all the other kids in my family, that I would smoke when I got older. I just couldn't wait to get older and would sneak and do it. Then of course I went through the "I have to die from something" phase. Now I am in the "I would rather step out in front of the #3 bus than take a dive with cancer like all those before me" phase. I suppose this stage could also be referred to as a "I love my child more than myself and I caught her pretending to smoke a few months back" stage. I have drawn my line in the sand, I am not passing this obsession onto her. This is the second thread that I have participated in on this forum, and I feel rather yappy. I think this is perhaps because I am in awe that I have quit and have found people that 'get it'. I finally got my perspective right, what an amazing feeling that is! And so many people have been so warm and friendly that I feel like I have the support I need. My family supports me but they're only able to offer limited support, it's almost like they're afraid. They are in the boat I just climbed out of, smoking was taught to them at a very young age and they don't know how to live without it. My hope is that my success will help them realize that they can do it too. This forum welcomed me enough that honestly, for the first time, I actually completed my profile, added a photo of myself instead of my dog or something, etc. I am all in! Thank you for reading - I really am done talking and talking now. :P Jeanne

My goodness - everyone.... I can honestly say I don't think I have ever experienced such a warm and supportive welcome anywhere!! And finding this site has been a blessing today as I have had two pretty wild cravings that made me wonder if I should just go buy a pack because there must be something really great about my disgusting habit (even though I can't put my finger on exactly what that is). Overall though, two cravings and a handful of fleeting thoughts.... I think the sailing is getting smoother by the minute (like Nancy's signature). I hope Amy (and others) also feels this. I am headed to the intro place now, but before I do I need to add one thing to my long winded post earlier - btw, I am not sure where the ridiculous chattiness is coming from but it's not the norm so please don't be afraid to open my posts. I think I am just in shock and excited that I did it and it was so easy when compared to what I had built up in my mind :) Anyway, the one last comment I would like to express to Amy is that once she completes one task that she normally smoked while doing, whether it be driving or folding laundry or sitting outside watching the sunset - do it ONCE without smoking and the brain breaks the connection which then removes the compulsion that you must smoke when you do that task again. Off to the intro area now and then to check out the rest of the site. You are all answers to a prayer, just under different screen names.

Hugglemonster and Members, Thank you - sincerely, thank you! I will hop back on here and post an intro shortly. I need to wrap up a website for a meeting tonight and then I will be free. I should also say thank you to Amy, as she did inspire me to join, and just reiterating everything gave me a taste of my own medicine and got me past that questionable hour or so. Thank you for having me and will post again soon, Jeanne

Hi Amy, I have been in that boat, over and over (and over) again. I am going to reply to your message, which is the one that prompted me to join this forum. Then I am going to go to another topic area and ask people what is wrong with me that on day 5-1/2 I am thinking how much I really like smoking. I presume it's the addiction twisting my brain and have no plan to act on it, but need that little confirmation that my quit was not in vain - just to help prevent that possible slip up. This is not what I wanted to say in this thread though, so getting on with it..... For me, with all of my five days, 11 hours and 49 minutes of being quit, what I can tell you is this - I got sick and tired of quitting. I finally quit quitting and quit. It was simple. Let's be honest here - do you really want to put yourself through H*ll for an hour or twelve hours or two days just to do it all over again? After testing the waters by only buying one pack at a time and taking the drive to and walk into the store (shamed) to buy another pack I began making myself go to bed at night knowing I didn't have enough cigarettes to get through my morning coffee. Then I started allowing myself to run out in the middle of the day, I just would NOT buy more than one pack nor would I ration them, as after all, that (in all honesty) sucks much worse. Finally I held my own feet to the fire. I put it out there publicly that I was quitting smoking. Enough people asking me how it was going or seeing me fire a smoke up only to say, "Ha, though you were quitting", I reached a point that it was happening whether I was a willing participant or not. Wanna know the funniest part of it? It is not that hard - seriously - if you have your mind in the right perspective it is not that bad (not pleasant but not *that* bad). I have been there Amy. Listen, I seriously know how it is to not be able to get through the day because you're fiending, but I also know that most of that horrid crave can be beat, it's in your brain. Anyway, for what it's worth, as I tried my on and off again quitting, this last time I did a few things different. It worked for me, perhaps it will work for you. I assume you have not quit since you haven't posted in this thread lately, so if that's the case please humor me and try this..... Firstly, tell people that you are accountable (people that will notice) that you plan to quit. I think this is a must, because most people will do whatever they can so they do NOT look like they have failed at a task. Second, from now on only buy one pack at a time, no matter what that means (more trips to the store, running out in the middle of the night, whatever). This helps by making you realize the inconvenience as well as giving you time to think as you schlep to the store and also lets you see day-by-day (or if you're like me, twice a day) the money you're spending, one pack at a time. It also helped me to calculate the cigarettes I have smoked this year (two packs a day ~40 cigarettes a day, times 30 days in a month, times six months). That's a rough calculation, but for me, that was 7,200 cigarettes. Think about that - SEVEN THOUSAND cigarettes in one-half of a year. The vision itself is quite the deterrent. Third, before you go to bed the night before your full quit day you need to trash your cigarettes. This is hard to do but extremely empowering. For me, if I had cigarettes I would smoke them no matter what. Gosh, once I stayed up til 3am because I couldn't bring myself to obliterate my good friend that has seen me thru thick and thin for the last 13 years but wanted to wake up to no cigarettes. However, when I did finally break them I gained a lot of strength, the power you feel is surreal. It's a sad but very rewarding moment. *Make sure you destroy them to a point that digging them out of the trash is an impossibility. Fourth, when you go to bed at that night say your prayers, but don't ask God to curb your addiction, give you the willpower and stamina to quit or grant you the strength. Instead THANK him for curbing the addiction and giving you the strength, desire, willpower, etc. And remember the faith of a mustard seed. Fourth, with your mind clear and refusing to let any other thoughts into your head read a list of affirmations, something like this: I am healthy and refuse to smoke Cigarettes are repulsive I am free of smoking and nicotene withdrawals I am healthy, happy and stressfree; my mood and temperment are stable I am free of the very thought of smoking cigarettes I am free of the very memory or connection of actions and smoking I am now and forever smokefree I hereby release myself from the need or desire to smoke You can make up your own, but these were the ones that hit home with me. Just ensure that you do NOT use the word no, don't, won't or other negatives, as your subconscious cannot grasp those, so the negatives are not absorbed and you will root your addiction further. Read this list ten times. Turn the light out and while you doze off think of NOTHING else. You can keep saying these affirmations in your head if it doesn't keep you awake, but if it does just lay there and envision nothing, just blackness, or maybe yourself not smoking. The point of all of this is for your subconscious brain to hear these affirmation last. Finally, in the morning when you get up and reach for your cigarettes remind yourself that you don't do that anymore and let that be that. Do not allow your brain to focus or dwell on it, make yourself put a period after that thought and get onto the next order of business. Even if you fail on this in the first try, I guarantee you, if you can even stay quit for half a day (12 hours), walking into your house or somewhere that smoking is permitted your determination will intensify beyond words at the first whiff. Do the same thing each night until you finally reach a point that you say it is just not worth it! Finally - (if you're still reading, I know this is long) some other things that I have learned.... Don't promise yourself you'll get some cigarettes later, because you will hold yourself accountable, so that kind of promise just sets yourself up for failure. Don't think you can just smoke one, even if you bum it - it doesn't work. Your body knows what to do with the nicotine, one hit and you're a smoker again, despite how sure you are that you won't go past that one drag. If you want to speed up the process get busy. I have learned that the nicotine seems to dissipate from my body quicker if I am active (yep, I was a professional quitter til this last round that I got tired of quitting). I realized if I am physically active (much more than normal) the cravings are lesser and gone faster. When you see someone smoking and your brain heads in the direction of wanting one stop it dead in its tracks - don't let your mind go there. When you see a cigarette pack envision those thousands of cigarettes smoked and how stupid the packaging and everything looks. And don't let yourself get too hungry! I have not been the proverbial chow-hound that people say they become when they quit, so I am seriously noticing that it's when I am hungry that I think about smoking. No single method is a sure fit for anyone, but hopefully some of this post will help you. I self-sabotage constantly. Wish I knew why, but I suspect that's for a different forum entirely. However, taking a guess that perhaps you are doing the same thing, recognizing it will help you to stop doing that. Good luck, Jeanne