El Bandito

Thanks for the good wishes (and threats :o ) - all is well in the Bandit world...even the hangover is receding a bit.

Im 43. 30 years smoking - probably average 30 per day...so well over 300,000 cigarettes...

Have Kindle App on Ipad - gave Kindle to La Bandita. Miss it. Going to buy a Kindle paperwhite - works in all lights.

Marti... As a landlady - you were MEAN! Cider and Redbull chaser? I'll pass thanks!

Lucky 13 - Morning all

Just needed to do this again today... Not One Puff Ever ...just for today

Thanks guys. Hungover - check Non smoker - check :D My inner junkie saw an opportunity to strike while I was already feeling a bit down on myself.... Then I punched his lights out :angry:

Onwards and upwards Juan!

Firstly - my apologies for a massive long post - but I kind of need to get this off my chest. I posted it in my blog - but then thought maybe it might be of use to someone here... Yesterday, my sister in law and her two sons came to visit. The plan is that the sister in law will stay with us for a couple of weeks - while the boys just came for the day. This is the first time that we have had houseguests since the house was refurbished before Christmas. It's quite exciting in a way. The day dawned warm and sunny - inspiring me to take the dog for a long walk and to venture into the garden for the first time this year. Lunch was eaten and wine was taken. A post prandial stroll somehow got diverted to the pub - where beer was drunk. Afternoon became evening with the help of several brandies. Long story short - I awoke this morning with a cracking hangover. Probably my first one since quitting smoking at the end of January. Conventional wisdom will tell you that hangovers are marginally better without the chemicals contained in cigarettes. I think perhaps that I am not convinced by conventional wisdom. This hangover feels pretty much the same as any other hangover that I recall. What has come as a complete surprise is that the hangover has triggered a massive craving for a cigarette. I have been awake for five and a half hours as I write this; and for every minute of those three hundred and thirty, I have been craving a cigarette. Now - I am not going to have one - I don't smoke. It is an obvious truth that non-smokers do not smoke - but it is a truth which I am having to remind myself of today. A lot. I have re-read many inspirational posts on the Quit Train.com and on Why Quit.com - determined to remove this illogical desire that I am harbouring for a cigarette. I am writing this blog post in an effort to reaffirm my determination to be a non-smoker. I can only suppose that for 30 years, I would have fought through any hangovers with the help of 'my little friend' the cigarette and that waking with a hangover this morning has re-triggered an old reaction. It does seem illogical - as if any condition illustrated how horrible it was to be a smoker - then the hangover was it. Hungover- I am always anxious, paranoid even. Two feelings that amplify the self-loathing that is never far away in any addict...but illogical or not - I cannot deny that all day today, I have wanted a cigarette. It could be that I am entering 'No Mans Land' which is how some people characterise a period where an addict moves from the "I'm quitting" period to the "Bored now". The logic is that family, friends and colleagues have become accustomed to the fact that the addict doesn't smoke anymore. Where in the early days everybody was a spectator, paying close attention to the addict and their struggle, now, it's old news. Never-smokers have no comprehension of the addiction, and smokers have conclusively decided that the addict was either never a 'proper' smoker or is miserable without their cigarettes. This last point is critical (I have just discovered!) because right now, I agree with the smoker. I am miserable. Right now - I can actually hear myself saying: "Yes, quitting smoking is tough, but it is doable. I quit for 77 days. But - at the end of the day, I enjoy it. Give me a cigarette please. I'll give you one back when I buy some in a minute. When I stop enjoying it - I'll quit again." I kid you not - I can actually hear myself saying that. I can picture myself reaching for the cigarette. I know which colleague I am asking for the cigarette... Here is the thing. I can picture myself doing it, I can hear myself doing it, but I am NOT doing it. Why am I not doing it? Really - why not? Well - there are several reasons. 1. I posted on a website that I visit this morning. I posted - NOPE. (So there must be something to this pledging :) ...) 2. I promised some people that I came to know is cyber space - that before smoking another cigarette I would post a SOS first. and I haven't. 3. If I did smoke - a lot of these people in Cyber space would be annoyed that I smoked, hurt that I did not post SOS and might even use my relapse as support for a relapse of their own. And while I know I can quit again - maybe that person couldn't. 4. Deep down - I know full well that I am hungover now. If I have a cigarette, I will still be hungover. And I will be incredibly annoyed with myself. So - I won't smoke. All of you - I am not naming names, because I would forget someone - but ALL of YOU saved my quit today. Thank you.

Congratulations! 8 months is great!

NOPE from me

At one point 50, 60 per day. Before quitting, 30 or so.

8

We are now in the realms of communication protocols between Mother and Daughter... For the sake of my health, I suspect any comments about "hmmmm, I'm not sure that waiting for her to speak to you is very constructive," should be kept to myself :D Marti, it was never going to be all so straightforward...you have quit and hubby has quit which is fantastic news for your little ones. Granny is getting there... Boom!

Wow. We lucky First Worlders think we are beating big tobacco...(at least I thought we were) were actually they have just re targeted their resources on the developing world. Thanks for the info.

Marti! I only know you virtually...and even I know you are not going to be able to let it ride...the perfume might kill you for a start! If it doesn't, the resentment will build up and you will go off like a bomb at some point. It doesn't need to be a punch up. It can be "you are doing brilliantly well, I am so proud of you. If we can just conquer those last couple before bed, you will have completely defeated it. That would be amazing!" As you say, you holding her accountable will not change anything. She needs to hold herself accountable. But, you can let her know that she won't be able to get you to join in with lying to herself.

I can keep my toys though...right?

Hey JM! Real men Cry. Crying is a way of letting off steam. No problem with that. (I just blame it on dust in the eye..) Then I hike up my skirt, square my shoulders and keep pushing on... :D

Good to see you here. Amazing what smokers put themselves through (me included in the past!)

Marti - My heart goes out to you. It is not unreasonable for you to make the point that she is in a non-smoking household now - and that you have a full set of responsibilities PLUS looking after her. (just noticed your ticker is about to hit 1,000 Ciggies! :D ) The subtext seems to be - she wants to quit but thinks she can't - you want her to quit but are not going to give her an ultimatum (probably wouldn't work anyway) Did she finish the Allen Carr book? Easy to say from here - but getting angry and upset won't fix it. Try to enjoy the sunshine! (Might be the only bit we get!)

Awwww Marti. I'm sorry to hear that. She is scared, she is so proud of you and she doesn't want to let you down. More to be pitied than to be scorned. She is an addict in denial - and she needs to understand why she is smoking. She is smoking because she is scared. My advice (not knowing either of you!) would be to talk to her about it. Not to judge her or to scold her - but to help her. 1. Agree to be honest. 2. Agree to discuss why she smokes/cheats However - ultimately - your quit is paramount and her quit is her decision. You can't do it for her, however hard you try to Marti.

I'll join you! NOPE from me.

Well done Melody. A significant milestone I think.

Congratulations!

La Bandita keeps mine.