Jonny5

it's because you believe you are giving something up still, and you want to smoke more than you want to quit. what do you suppose will happen if you don't smoke? something is frightening you, and you could do with working out what that is, then we can work on that fear.

I think they are perfect :-)

We are all on board the quit train, chugging away to our destination, but where is that destination, when will you have arrived? the secret for me is that the train is very much like a child's train set, it has elaborate bridges, tunnels, stations etc, but ultimately the train is on a continuous loop. there are many stations where we pick up passengers, there's Cold Turkey Park, Patch Junction, E-cig Crossing, Grand Gum Central, and loads more that I've run out of names for ;-) but you get the point, we all start our journeys in different places. We all bring various amounts of baggage with us, sometimes our baggage takes up more room on the train than we do ourselves. this is often the case for a new passenger. The other occupants of the carriage are a little more experienced, and they soon help the new rider to pack away the baggage neatly, and in many cases the new rider realises that they have packed a whole load of junk that is weighing them down, so they toss it out the window, bit by bit. sometimes it's harder for folk to let go of certain belongings, items that they have held on to for years, often these false idols weigh down the passenger more than they can comprehend, but life without these false idols feels kind of raw, naked if you like, it can feel like you are loosing your very identity, until of course that you realise that your identity was one of addiction, not of choice. Along the journey, we pass through many seasons and triggers, some of us for the first time, and some of us for the hundredth time. they are frightening first time around, but we soon get used to them, and our companions comfort us and prepare us, and they warn us in advance. We soon get used to them. We pass through Cliche Canyon, here we stop for a while to stretch our legs, and to reaffirm the things we have learned along the way. we make up songs and rhymes, and acronyms for the newbies to sing, so that they remember that One Equals All, so that they know to Never Take Another Puff, and that Not One Puff Ever will keep them safe. The most treacherous part of the journey is Relapse Ravine, it lays just beyond Memory Lane, somewhere after passing through No man's Land. This can be the most lonely part of the journey, A passenger can be sitting in one of the quiet carriages, the newbie coach has gotten a bit too noisy for them, they sit and stare out of the window, gazing down memory lane, dreams of a long lost romance can fill their hearts and minds, and can drive them crazy. some of these passengers will go and chat to the newbies, they understand that they may need to be reminded of the early struggles, some of them ask the olde phartes what to do. But some unfortunately climb on the roof, bypassing the SOS safety rail, and throw themselves into relapse ravine, looking for their lost love. It is important to remember that when we are smokers, that was our comfort zone, It is not the zone that we have to live in if we wish to break free. Some of you won't like the way others will try to pull you out of that comfort zone, some of you will flourish upon it. some will take offence. There are many methods, and all of us are teachers and students when it comes to learning about how to get through to someone. However in the field of smoking cessation, and specifically of learning to be a happy non smoker, well it's like learning to read. you just do it, and then you know it, it doesn't take effort to remember how to do it, and no more learning will be needed to stop you from forgetting it. You just can, or you can not. My ability to read is not something I feel complacent about, it's something I feel confident about. there are some people on the train, who are really just riding it because they know that the train is run by volunteers, and they volunteer their time, and experience, to pay for the free ticket that was once passed to them by a friendly face many years before. Sometimes they challenge the distorted logic of the junkie, out of love and compassion for the person trapped inside, the person that reminds them of themselves, sometimes they get hugged, and sometimes they get shouted at. they know the risks of engaging the junkie, they were once the junkie too, they mostly say the things that are now so obvious to them, but once were not. They have ridden the train so much, that they know every single inch of track, they know it inside out. and they knew the moment they reached their destination. It was the same destination for all of them. it was the place where they found inner peace, no junkie chatter, no doubt, no desire or need to smoke, and no way on earth to return to smoking, without making a deliberate decision to sign up for slow suicide. I believe that is the destination that we are all trying to reach, regardless of where we boarded the train, and regardless of how rough or smooth, or long, or short our journey was. I sincerely look forward to welcoming you there, each and every last one of you.

It could actually be smoke that you are smelling. My nose has become super sensitive, especially to smoke, I can smell a smoker from accross the street. Maybe our former nicotine usuage taught the brain to pick up on our drugs whereabouts? Who knows what the reason is, but I'm like a bloodhound lol. I'm glad though that it repulses me rather than attracts me. I don't know how much of that repulsion is trained rejection as opposed to natural rejection.

I go through the heartbreaking disappointment of feeling defeated and exhausted everytime I have a smoking dream. It really sucks, I can feel the very real mental anguish that I had as a smoker, the feelings of helpless dependency ruling me. If anything though these dreams, or rather nightmares, are very powerful reminders to ward off any junkie inner monologue from becoming too vocal

Rachael, You have what it takes :-) you have discovered the difference that is so subtle yet can move mountains, you have accepted the truth, and adapted your mindset to facilitate success :-) Brilliant work and brilliant post :-)

I was first an expert in secret smoking and relapse, before I became good at quitting ;-) I agree that no one should run away when they relapse, that defeats the object of a support community, and I will help anyone break through their personal obstacles to success, however I must stress that Relapses don't have to happen, and they most definitely be avoided by sticking to a personal commitment to never smoke again :-) that truly is all it takes, cigarettes don't make us relapse. we source them, take one out, put it in our mouths, find a lighter, light it up, and smoke. all deliberate and avoidable actions.

I've been busy since we last spoke, please let us know how you are doing Juan

but it is a choice, and it's not a part of quitting, it is a part of deciding to be a smoker. my biggest revelation was realising that every single quit was fully in my control. that's when I ran out of excuses to make to myself. so many times I found justifications, reasons, excuses. accountability to myself paved the way to my success.

don't feel guilty for letting me down, I'm your friend no matter what. I don't feel let down at all. We are all good. learn from this and go again. unfortunately it's sometimes the painful lessons that teach us the most.

I jad a trigger just last week. I found my old gas camping stove and took it to a job where I had no power to make a hot drink. I had such a flashback of touring and using the stove and of smoking while waiting for it to boil. Of course now it's just an irritation that can be igmorred. But it was a reminder that our brains retain the autocues for some time if they aren't rewritten. Ps I hate smoking dreams. I'm always hopelessly hooked and depressed at the fact. So glad to wake from them.

Hi Laura, I'm so glad that you decided to join up :-) I hope that the experience of having all these wonderful people around to share the journey with will help you through :-) It's much nicer being part of a community than doing it alone. like I said on FB in January before you joined up, Allen Carr helps you to dispel the myths, but you ignore this information when you choose to smoke, and it is always a choice. these good people will help you see that.... you always have a choice :-) PS. Thanks everyone for giving my friend so much warmth and support, much appreciated :-)

You only have to do it once if you do this right.

and that is why you WILL make it :-)

when You make Sarge Juan, I'll even give you a high 5 for the end of your name :-) Sarge Juanmartino 5 sounds good doesn't it :-)

Welcome to the quit Train Juan There's a seat I saved for you. hey, I tell you what, stick to this, stick close to me and Sarge, and in a few months I'll let you join me running up and down on the roof shouting non smoking messages to anyone who will listen lol :-)

then you have to earn them, and I'll be watching to make sure you don't slip up. no more excuses Juan. You do this juan and the Sarge and I will give you a bag full of stripes. just do this already. Your life really is worth living as a free man, you are young and strong, but don't believe that you are invincible, cancer will cut down the biggest toughest guy. Quit date is right now, this very second. agreed?

but you've done relapse loads of times, it hasn't killed you so why be scared to quit incase you relapse? continuing to smoke is more frightening!!! You're scared of life without cigarettes. Man up!! millions have quit, and have REALISED that they don't need them. what do you think happens if you don't smoke? nothing happens!!! keep smoking and theres a 50% chance you'll end up dead. and that would really suck.

No Juan, We all are the best, every single one of us here, and that includes You. so start believing No more excuses. I want to see some of that discipline that makes you such a success in your sports. I want to see it, so that in time you will see it too, then you won't have to tell yourself that you don't need cigarettes anymore, you will have proved it to yourself.

Juan, my dear friend, I know you trust me and I say this with compassion and kindness, I care about what happens to you, but you need to care about you too You Can Quit, The problem is that You Won't Quit. The difference between the person who smokes, and the person who doesn't, is having the strength and resolve to put in the work and to deal with the discomfort. I've seen you be successful Juan, I've cheered you along. What is different this time? what happened to the other Juan, You know the one, the aspiring sportsman, the young man with the fight and the courage to do this? Let's do this Juan, no more excuses, let's get this addiction beat, in your head and in your body, and in your very soul. I've got your back, and I'll keep picking you up if you fall, but I can't fight this fight for you Juan. don't make me go get the sarge lol ;-)

I love how much varied experience there is on this thread from folk at all stages of the quit. Kind of like a tug of war team, all pulling and shouting encouragement up and down the line :-) a real community working in harmony :-)

For me there is a long list, but number one is feeling that I control myself 100%, and that I'm no longer a slave to nicotine addiction. I remember making a promise to myself, that if I could quit smoking, I would never doubt myself again, and that I would learn to be proud of myself.

Thank you Suz, I remember being in complete awe of the olde phartes and looking up to you all, desperate to prove myself, I remember being so proud when Breath invented the term Young Pharte just for me :-) I felt accepted into the gang :-) thanks for mentoring me Suz, you still help me fine tune myself and add much to my quit, and I'm happy to call you my friend :-)

sorry, forgot to add, I'm getting more and more used to it now. i realised that the rules of life are still the same, we live, we die. I had just hidden from that for too long

I can completely relate. I think I get the anxiety because I've taken off the blinkers that we have to wear when we are smokers. we can't let ourselves worry about the 50% chance of dying from smoking, so our brains block things out. once we break free we see things so clearly that we get scared, because we are not used to it. we begin to experience fear like a non smoker would. that's just my take on it though :-)