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Tink

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Blog Entries posted by Tink

  1. Tink
    I am 4 days away from making Old Pharte Status and I will be away with work which seems almost apt for my anniversary as I was away with work when I quit.
     
    all I can say is what a journey! phew, so much has happened in a year .......
     
    This is not a pat on the back thread, this thread is dedicated to the newbies or others still finding their quit feet
     
    I know when I first quit I looked up to the old phartes and thought I want to be where they are, they are so sure of themselves and their quits, that is where I want to be! I listened and watched them but in the same token I felt they were a mile away from what I was feeling as they have traveled so far from the path I was traveling on at the time but I wanted to look ahead.
     
    My quit has been up and down and although I am on easy street for now, I do not forget the bumps in the road as that is where most of my education came from, from actually going through it and coming out the otherside
     
    I could not have done it without the support from members here who I class as friends, not fleshy but still friends :) we have laughed and cried together for a year, below are some examples of those bumps
     
    http://www.quittrain.com/topic/1485-being-on-your-guard/
     
    http://www.quittrain.com/topic/1704-sos/
     
    http://www.quittrain.com/topic/2325-my-stupid-junkie-brain/
     
    http://www.quittrain.com/topic/2529-fed-up-tough-love-needed/
     
    so those new here who think wow Tracey is solid in her quit, yes she is but just like you, there were wobbles so what you are feeling or thinking someone here really did go through the same thing and understands.
     
    It is why I always say to people read and post and work it through because it is possible to come through the wobbles.
     
    People will keep telling us how it can be done and one day we listen and before we know it we are doing it! And cruising down easy street.
  2. Tink
    Woke up this morning feeling different
     
    cannot explain it just different - relaxed almost
     
    bonnies thread about her 13 cigarettes made me think about my 3 I have been hanging onto
     
    I kept them to keep up my fight as I had something physical to fight
     
    I have realised the fight is in my head
     
    I drowned them today and binned them - no emotion to it at all
     
    No longer feel scared or need to fight - I think thats why I feel relaxed it`s like an end of a battle
     
     
    It feels weird but in a good way :)
  3. Tink
    The last time I quit I hit 6 months and just tossed it away - I did not care and did not look back - it took me years to get back on the quit and now I wished my attitude did not suck back then
     
    no one is invincible and everyone can and will be at some point affected by smoking
     
    education and not denial has changed my attitude - but boy what some wasted years, money and health!!!
     
    I have face the truth this time, however hard, I have learned things about myself i did not know, some good some bad but I am no longer in denial
     
    I knew the 6 months point was going to be sticky for me from last time and to make matters worse personal life has been trying
     
    I have had a few sticky moments for sure but the worse thing was feeling sorry for my dam self
     
    I woke up this morning on D Day anniversary and thought Tracey what the hell have you got to complain about girl
     
    get on with life and make the bloody best of it!!
     
    I am a 6 month quit non smoker and going forth to my new life :)
  4. Tink
    ok Im a bit of a goof ball this is true I dont take life too serious but I dont take it for granted either - thats why I quit - finding you guys has been a game changer for me and I just wanted you to know whats going on behind the scenes
     
    I have spent the best part of 4 months with you guys and it has changed my life and you are a massive part of that and I feel I can share this with you.
     
     
    Some may wonder why I spend quite a bit of time on here and I will tell you, i am a live in carer and I have to spend 7 days with a person who has severe disabilities, clinical depression and learning difficulties, I want to try and explain it without crossing any confidential barriers here.
     
    i have been in this job for 1 year and he loved the fact that I was a smoker when I started as if he could he would love to be a REBEL in his eyes and would be a smoker
     
    when I quit I went through withdraw whilst at work, I did not tell him I was quitting as I knew that he would put pressure on me to carry on (as in his eyes I was doing it by proxy for him), but I so wanted to quit for myself
     
    for 6 days I pretended that I was going out for a smoke to keep up the appearances and to take the pressure off me in those vital few days, then it was time to go home and I told him on the last day that I quit - it wasnt too bad but he said "that explains the crankiness" lol
     
    I then spent heck week at home
     
    I was dreading coming back to work for week 3 as I knew what I was in for - not just the job but the pressure he would put me under to continue to smoke - I needed help - I knew that I couldn`t do this alone under these circumstances and that`s when I joined a forum and found you guys
     
    sure enough the barrage came thick and fast and it was constant (he doesn`t know any better)
     
    every single day this continues to this day but I have built up a wall now and am not vulnerable to it but every now and then i come under an abusive and violent attack (for other reasons) and boy do I have to hold on tight when the hurricane hits me (metaphor) my walls are getting thicker to this and I take time out and play some games on here
     
    month 3 til now has been harder as I am going through a relationship break up so when I go home there is no respite this I have been working hard to sort out - life is never simple - I have my 19 year old niece living with me and had to make sure she was independant and ok before I moved on - this has now happening and I hope to be moved out in the next few weeks
     
    S/O is a social smoker who only ever used to smoke on holidays/vacation but as he blames the quit on the break up he resents it and has taken to under hand tactics to try and derail me so I take to the boards whilst at home for further distractions
     
    I have in recent weeks wanted to just say **** it all and throw it all away "is it worth it" all this hassle - why not just relapse
     
    I tell you why that`s not an option - because its MY life I decide what I do and don`t do and no other person is going to tell me any different
     
    I have over the last few weeks felt as though I was losing the battle (I was angry) but now I am on the other side and I have made it through
     
    I am moving on in my new free life - I have battle scars but I survived and I have all you to thank for that you all in some way helped me more than you will ever know and you do not know what it means to me to have you all here with me today
     
    This site, you people are changing lives not just your own, you are saving lives its not just a game here
     
    KTQ and stick to NOPE you will make it through :wub:
     
    "always look on the bright side of life" - my fav song
     
    I love paying it forward and want everyone to be FREE

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QuitTrain®, a quit smoking support community, was created by former smokers who have a deep desire to help people quit smoking and to help keep those quits intact.  This place should be a safe haven to escape the daily grind and focus on protecting our quits.  We don't believe that there is a "one size fits all" approach when it comes to quitting smoking.  Each of us has our own unique set of circumstances which contributes to how we go about quitting and more importantly, how we keep our quits.

 

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