Sarah

Just walked into my foyer, asked me where conference room 5 was. We have no conference room 5! They all have names! But, Yes you can take me home! Taxi! Sorry!

Someone on here (can't remember who sorry) talked about being in control. I've made my own version of it and thought I would share. Basically don't be scared of triggers just know that you will get them and have a plan to escape them. For example go down the pub. Know you will likely want to smoke. And make sure you have enough support around you to walk away from the situation. Only you can smoke a cigarette and if you put yourself in a position of temptation just make sure you have an escaped route planned. Of course some triggers are unexpected and come out of nowhere, but even these are expected as you should assume you will get these. And this is where you need support from friends or this forum. I truly believe this forum has saved me from relapse. I know this isn't profound words of wisdom, but its working for me! :)

You don't want to look too closely in my wardrobe there are some fashion nightmares in there! Actually, project for the week, clear out stuff I'm never going to wear again!

I won't be smoking today... Or tomorrow

Well I'm awake. About to drag my arse into the shower and get motivated for another week of work. I think yesterday demonstrated the power of this forum. I was panicked and crying and a total mess. Got talked round in the chat room and was laughing and choosing clothes before going out to have some fun. (You even got me naked at one point!) Thank you to everyone who helped me yesterday. You are wonderful people. Love love love xxx

I have just ordered a large dominos pizza. Vegi volcano. It will be arriving shortly! I'm dead classy!

Home Drunk Didn't smoke!!! I am the lizard king I can do anything!

Finally home. Drunk. Didn't smoke!

Yeah I buy way too much in the way of silly sparkly heels and underwear! Wish I owned more than one pair of trainers! Although I've got my cons allstar, do they count?

Dress is fine, spending all my time inside so plenty warm enough and have had a lot of complements on how glamorous I'm looking! Shoes are working out fine too! Everything is still in place! Thanks again xxx

Still at the BBQ. Lots of rain. Lots of drink. Not smoking. Not really wanting to either really, probably the rain! Ex left ages ago after making a twat of himself, which was nice! Anyway. Got some friends here protecting me from cigarettes! Thank you Soozie and SueBeDo you made me feel so much better!

Still want a cigarette but not quite a panicked

Its definitely more me not wanting to duck it. I know I'm just being stupid

I'm just feeling so flat, unloved, ugly, you name it Crying isn't helping the look either

Maybe I should wear a dress made of meat

I've got a couple of hours to get all this out of my system! This is crazy

Why now?! I thought all Supposed to happens in the first week?

You generally take booze and maybe some burgers. Not really salad. This is horrible

http://www.quittrain.com/topic/1019-going-to-a-bbq-today/

I hate this, heart racing, panic attack, and I know it's all stupid And yes I am taking deep breaths

Oh why am I in tears again?

My sleep was really broken. Now 11 days on I sleep OK but still waking up crazy early. Seems to be getting better

I just don't want to be the ex hiding away.

And I'm still getting loads of texts from the ex too, even after I told him to stop. Seems he wants to mess with my head telling me he still loves me and made the biggest mistake ever. Blah blah blah... Arrgh

Just to be clear, I wasn't planning on going naked! Just feels like I'm going to be so out of place I may as well be! Which of course leads to all the paranoia of if people are looking at me as the cranky ex or the crank ex smoker or just cranky or that fussy vegetation. Maybe is should stay home. This whole thing is kind of an SOS. I desperately want to have a ciggy and calm down a bit. But I've read enough to know there's no point. Just having a hard time. And I can't find anything to wear.