MichelleDoesntSmoke

well YeeHaw. Always happy to meet another sober (formerly un-sober) person. Congratulations on your sobriety too! Smoking is so accepted in my recovery circle. It makes it difficult to remember how deadly it is when everyone around you treats it so casually. But we are both doing it!!!! xoxo

Source: Hey Michelle!

Awww thank you so much. Today I was actually thinking that I didn't really WANT to quit so no amount of self talk was helping....though I didn't actually go buy any so that says I must have really NOT wanted to smoke. But it was very, very close. The thing that saved me besides talking to you guys was recognizing that the things I was thinking were the same things I have though through every quit as well as when trying to get clean/sober before, and just believing that no matter how real the desire felt, it is not real...knowing that I'd kick myself if I gave in, especially when I woke up in the morning and couldnt say I had a week smoke free. Gosh you guys....I'm amazed I made it to bedtime. I really had my doubts. I called my sponsor at one point and left her a crazy sounding voice mail LOL. She called back and talked me off the ledge. One of her suggestions was to buy myself something tomorrow with the money that I almost spent on a pack tonight then text her tomorrow and tell her what I bought. I may just go to the Dollar Tree and get 8 little things. I don't have a lot of money right now and no matter how much my ticker says I saved, I just don't seem to have it LOL funny how that works. So I have not been able to put my cig money in savings. But I DO have the money I would have spent tonight. So...tomorrow I go have fun. Another thing she suggested is a warm bath with a candle (til I pointed out the lighter would probably trigger me) I had a bath, used pretty smelling bath salts then gave myself a pedicure. Now I'm laying in bed with carrot sticks and bleu cheese dressing and an apple getting ready to watch a show, then I go to bed. Thank GOD. I like the screaming in my head thing. I will definitely do a lot of screaming from now on!! It means a lot to me that you'd reach out to me like that. thank you. Hugs!!!

I didnt take the pledge this morning. Maybe part of the reason I'm having such a hard time today. Anyway....NOPE. &^#*$ it!!!!

Thats what I have been doing all day. Get thru the next task. Get thru the next one then u can go get some if you REALLY want to. I am ANGRY that I dont get to have one. I could tho. But I am choosing not to. So thats good. I am just ANGRY about it.

Its pretty effing bleak right now. Trying not to swear. At least not on the board. Gosh I want to smoke SO bad

10

four blowpops later I fear I'm now addicted to blowpops

wow you're right about that. And my clean/sober date is 12/7/14

-13

You got that right! Hey you have about the same amount of smoke free time as I have sober time. Cool!

Thanks everyone. I put my work away and I'm laying on my bed now with a blow pop in my mouth yum. Everything everyone said is right. It would be outrageous to start again now. I've done this since I was 17....quit, start, quit, start. Its time to stay quit. I ***WILL*** feel better eventually. No one ever craved smoking forever. Its been with me all afternoon today but in varying intensities. But no one craves forever. It will go away. It will go away. It will go away. Someday I wont crave them at all. In 10-15 years I will have the same risk of lung cancer as a nonsmoker. Thats a long time to wait for the anxiety to go away but if I start again, then the part where the anxiety lessens gets farther and farther away. Hopefully we have all talked me into chilling out. Gonna put a show or a movie on and do some reading on the site. Thank you so much.

going upstairs to get a blow pop and maybe cry a bit lol BRB

OMG you guys...its been a struggle today. I soooooooo want to go get some cigs. Why? I'm trying to examine why I feel the need so deeply today. I know the reasons not to.... It will start the whole thing over again. I wont stop at one cig or one pack. I will have to go through the detox part again I will have to start Hell Week over again, but if I hang on, tomorrow I will have one week smoke free Why would I want to ruin that? What do I REALLY want? Am I hungry? No Am I lonely? No Am I tired? Lil bit Am I angry? No Why do I want to smoke so bad....I'm alone in the house...roommate is out so no one would know. I would know though. I can never keep relapses a secret (which is a good thing) It stinks It takes time away from my work and other activities I just washed all my jackets I used pretty smelling soap and shampoo its expensive My lungs are finally feeling clear What will I gain from smoking right now? this craving will go away---but will come back I will feel I have my secret back...my friend back.... something to do...though I'm not bored so I dont know why that thought comes to mind Help!

Thank you for the reminder that the poison is out of my body. That is what I wanted for so long!

Thank you...Unfortunately I cant walk a different direction to get to the bus stop I need to get to, but I will be armed with gum, suckers and ice water. I was romancing. It is starting to ease up.I used pretty smelling soap and hair products so I smell goof. I can do this. I can do this the same way I stay sober. I will use the same tools. One of them is envisioning myself having to change my date. Imagine how it will feel...the second I light it I will be thinking "Well you effed up ding dong" I think I am ok now

Tomorrow around 8:30am is my 1 week celebration. That helps :) off to take a shower with the famed rose scented soap!

I am going out in a bit and that same old temptation to stop at the 7-11 is there. But I dont really WANT to. Its my addict talking. But Im posting anyway to get some encouragement!!!

Thanks everyone! I feel great! I am so grateful I didn't give in!

+1

What an inspirational post. Thank you. I want to smoke....but I dont want to smoke, not really. The fact that you just dont want to smoke PERIOD is amazing! Keep up the good work. Good job taking care of you.

Herrrrrrre

NOPE NOPE NOPE!!!! I have almost a week free now so NOPE!!!

Ah-hoy hoy! I have joined the ranks of the exceedingly fortunate people who are subcribed to said site!!!! Now, entertain meeeeee

Ya'll are awesome. You know what knocked that stinkin thinkin right out in a heartbeat? Watching Joel's video on finding out u have lung cancer AFTER quitting. He talks about a business associate who died from lung cancer after he quit. Hearing a personal story like that hits so much harder than just knowing smoking causes cancer. To say or think of it the second way makes it seem like a vague concept. The first way makes it real. I used to post on another board a few years ago and formed a soft spot for a charascharasmatic older guy who had COPD. I came and went for a couple years while he stayed quit. He always welcomed me back. One if the times I popped in trying to quit....casually popped in as if what I was doing was NOT something urgent that could save my life...and he was worse. In and out of the hospital and coming to terms with the gravity of his illness. I relapsed...when I came back in again to quit.....he was gone. :-( Anyone who is struggling like I was a while ago, I encourage you to watch Joels videos, esp the one i mentioned. Thank you, my Non-Smoking Angels!!!!