MarylandQuitter

The kitchen is where it begins and ends. :) Hopefully begins and maintains is more like it. Everything we eat should serve a purpose, even if it's a treat to reward ourselves.

Love this!!

Yes! Smokes are assholes!!! lol Actually, the word asshole used to describe these monsters is too nice of a word to be quite honest about it. I like "emotional terrorist" better and that often times is used in clinical settings to describe what somebody with NPD does to their CHOSEN ones. My gosh, it's just indescribable what some of these people are capable of! No conscience, no empathy, no intimacy and no emotional attachments to anybody. Scary. Terrifying because it's people like this who are capable of the most atrocious crimes and even if most are not criminals, they certainly destroy other human beings from the inside and leave no fingerprints as they slide on over to the new supply which was carefully chosen long before their victims were tossed out with the trash. I'm still here and I'm smoke-free!!! Woot-woot!! :gamer1:

Time lost, energies spent etc. cannot be given back but the hurt can be mended and love found with someone who loves you the way you love, with all of your heart. One thing is for sure, our lives will NEVER be the same again and that is a good thing in the sense that you sure can spot one a mile away and know to go in the other direction. I posted another article by the same author and part of it talks about children who are raised by a parent with NPD. In that case I agree that it would be very, very difficult to help that child because like the parent(s), they too will not realize they have such a serious and disastrous disorder. A child that has been supply that was otherwise raised in a healthy environment I think can be helped. It's a battle, I'm quite sure, but they can overcome it if the parents catch it, like Petra and her family did. Her child will overcome this for several different reasons but the child who was raised by a NPD parent, not likely. I'll go as far to say that an adult with true NPD is incapable of change; at least change to the point that we would ever allow them to be in our lives ever again. People like this simply can't change and there are not enough years in a single life to be able to make these changes. This is not just my opinion but also experts on the matter who have far more experience than I. Sure, I suppose there are those rare individuals who can change, but I don't think one has ever been spotted. The disorder is one like none other that I've studied. It's scary when you realize how you were conned and what all you gave up for this person. A normal, intelligent person can be conned and become supply and then tossed out with the garbage and then you're left wondering what the hell happened. Once you realize what truly was happening (some never do!!!!!!!), it's downright scary that another human being is capable of this kind of behavior. Reminds me of some characters in history that I care not to mention. This is the just sad truth about these adults; change is not going to happen; they're just not capable of making these changes for many reasons. "There is life, light and love" afterwards. Sadly not for everybody because for some, they will never know what happened to them and why. Awareness and education is key. Then there are some who have this awareness and education who are still unable to fully recover. The damage can be that deep!!!! Like previously stated, this isn't some "theory", it's very real, very damaging and should not ever be brushed off. Ria, you're a wise and strong woman who lives in reality. You're a blessing here and I bet you never imagined that when you joined a quit smoking support group that you'd be able to share your valuable insight into such a serious topic. It's life-changing. Here's the link to the other article in the same thread. http://www.quittrain.com/topic/5742-after-narcissistic-abuse-there-is-light-life-love/?p=151396

NOPE!

Petra, My comment about not being able to help somebody with NPD referred to an adult/adult relationship, not a child/adult relationship. If a child has NPD, of course stay the course because they can be helped! But when it's an adult, like the coach, the victim cannot help him/her. Just wanted to clarify because I don't know the details of your situation and don't want you to think that I would ever suggest giving up on a child because that is something that I could NEVER do!! But an adult, that's different. They need a highly skilled psychiatrist who has lots of experience with this sort of thing. :) Somebody affected by these people can without a doubt be helped and live a normal life and experience normal relationships. No question about that. As long as the truth is uncovered and the lies are exposed, healing can begin.

I brought this topic up because a lot of people suffer at the hands of these monsters and I came across this article as I was reading a blog about something entirely different and knew it was something that could help people understand what is/was happening to them. Even if it could help one just person see and understand, I'd post it and I did. It helped me so I knew it had the potential to reach others. It's hard to say how common or uncommon interactions we've has with those who have NPD really are because you don't know it until it's too late. But once you recognize certain traits, you won't fall for it again. It has nothing to do with smoking. Like Ria said, they don't seek help because they don't see anything wrong with them so their numbers are truly unknown. Again, it's not the norm but they do walk among us like wolves dressed as sheep. Not only are you lucky that you weren't a supply to a person like this, but you've likely seen red flags in people and chose to turn the other way. Often times we don't know what the red flags are pointing to other than something that "just doesn't seem right" and we choose to go in another direction. The love bombing phase is what sucks unsuspecting people in and from there, it begins.

Petra, I'm sorry that you're left having to deal with the aftermath from such a horrible human being (that coach). When somebody is a Narcissist to the point that it's a disorder, we as their victims cannot help them for several reasons. As you read through the article (I've done so many times to grasp it all!) you'll see just how ill some of these people truly are and they are incapable of ever seeing that they have a problem. For those us who have been damaged by them, we cannot change them because we were/are their victims. The deep psychological damage that has been done to those who "know them" for who they truly are puts us into another place to heal ourselves and those affected by these sick people. That other place cannot ever be with or around that person. Let their next supply and minions deal with them. To anybody reading this, thankfully those of us who got out did so with our lives. Some don't. This is serious stuff and not to be brushed off and I hope it's an eye opener for anybody who may be suffering and thinks the problem is them. It truly is not about you. It never was! It never, ever was and there was nothing you could have done to change things. Please take the time to read this article several times over the course of several days and keep at it until you understand this condition so you can heal and start living again. It takes time but there is light, life and love afterwards. Trust me as I see light for the first time in many, many years. Stay well and put the focus on you, not them. :) "Cognitive dissonance is part of the disabling process of being a target/victim of a personality disordered Narcissist and doesn’t occur in healthy relationships. When there are two healthy individuals in a relationship there are good and bad parts as it concerns two separate personalities merging. But by far one or the other person doesn’t have a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality or a mask of sanity that hides a malicious, abusive and destructive person. In a healthy relationship, there is a certain level of transparency, so basically, what you see is what you get and it is pretty consistent, flaws and all. ALSO healthy relationships aren’t based on emotional/psychological abuse, control, domination and an insurmountable mountain of deliberate lies and manipulation. Furthermore healthy relationships don’t end abruptly, as if they never even happened because normal people can’t detach so quickly from deeper relationships and JUMP right into another one UNLESS it was completely built on deception and basically one partner is a Narcissist!" Click the link below to see the original article/paper that Petra is referring to. http://www.quittrain.com/topic/5742-after-narcissistic-abuse-there-is-light-life-love/

Listen cop'er, we won a big one last night and if we win today and can get more wins than losses this coming week, we're still in the hunt. Now, as far as the Ravens, didn't we knock you all out of it last season? Also, we're Superbowl bound this year. :)

Hey!!! I thought that was you? Were you in a Winnebago with Dale driving? :)

Almost nothing seemed to bring her joy anymore. But this day was starting differently. After breakfast her phone rang. She ran for a cigarette. On the fourth ring she made it to the phone and picked up the receiver. It was her daughter... http://www.quittrain.com/topic/2168-isolation-of-a-widowed-smoker/?hl=%2Bisolation+%2Bwidowed+%2Bsmoker

It's actually quite normal! When I smoked I always say cigarettes as my friend, an escape or "my time". When you hear a smoker or former smoker say "cigarettes are my friend" or "I thought cigarettes were my friend", it's no joke. Feeling empty when you first quit is also normal. The good news is that once you see smoking for what it truly is, you quickly realize that they were never your friend. It was the addiction talking and early in your quit it's so important that you dive head first into reading about this addiction because we beat it by being smarter than it, not stronger. My Cigarette, My Friend http://whyquit.com/whyquit/joelcigfriend.html How do you feel about a friend who has to go everywhere with you? Not only does he tag along all the time, but since he is so offensive and vulgar, you become unwelcome when with him. He has a peculiar odor that sticks to you wherever you go. Others think both of you stink. He controls you totally. When he says jump, you jump. Sometimes in the middle of a blizzard or storm, he wants you to come to the store and pick him up. You would give your spouse hell if he or she did that to you all the time, but you can't argue with your friend. Sometimes, when you are out at a movie or play he says he wants you to go stand in the lobby with him and miss important scenes. Since he calls all the shots in your life, you go. Your friend doesn't like your choice of clothing either. Instead of politely telling you that you have lousy taste, he burns little holes in these items so you will want to throw them out. Sometimes, he tires of the furniture and gets rid of it too. Occasionally, he gets really nasty and decides the whole house must go. He gets pretty expensive to support. Not only is his knack of property destruction costly, but you must pay to keep him with you. In fact, he will cost you thousands of dollars over your lifetime. And you can count on one thing, he will never pay you a penny in return. Often at picnics you watch others playing vigorous activities and having lots of fun doing them. But your friend won't let you. He doesn't believe in physical activity. In his opinion, you are too old to have that kind of fun. So he kind of sits on your chest and makes it difficult for you to breathe. Now you don't want to go off and play with other people when you can't breathe, do you? Your friend does not believe in being healthy. He is really repulsed by the thought of you living a long and productive life. So every chance he gets he makes you sick. He helps you catch colds and flu. Not just by running out in the middle of the lousy weather to pick him up at the store. He is more creative than that. He carries thousands of poisons with him which he constantly blows in your face. When you inhale some of them, they wipe out cilia in your lungs which would have helped you prevent these diseases. But colds and flu are just his form of child's play. He especially likes diseases that slowly cripple you - like emphysema. He considers this disease great. Once he gets you to have this, you will give up all your other friends, family, career goals, activities - everything. You will just sit home and caress him, telling him what a great friend he is while you desperately gasp for air. But eventually your friend tires of you. He decides he no longer wishes to have your company. Instead of letting you go your separate ways, he decides to kill you. He has a wonderful arsenal of weapons behind him. In fact, he has been plotting your death since the day you met him. He picked all the top killers in society and did everything in his power to ensure you would get one of them. He overworked your heart and lungs. He clogged up the arteries to your heart, brain, and every other part of your body. In case you were too strong to succumb to this, he constantly exposed you to cancer causing agents. He knew he would get you sooner or later. Well, this is the story of your "friend," your cigarette. No real friend would do all this to you. Cigarettes are the worst possible enemies you ever had. They are expensive, addictive, socially unacceptable, and deadly. Consider all this and NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF! Joel

Good know all is well, Paul. Thanks for stopping by. :)

Remember, you can only read one "beta" book at a time because if you read them together, they'll fight and one will die. :good3:

N to the O to the P to the E!

Fixed. ;)

Oh crap. Can you extend it a couple of days? :read:

How about "In The Heart Of The Sea: The Tragedy Of The Whaleship Essex" by Nathaniel Philbrick. In the Heart of the Sea: The Tragedy of the Whaleship Essex is a book by American writer Nathaniel Philbrick about the loss of the Whaleship Essex in the Pacific Ocean in 1820. https://books.google.com/books?id=roXy5kT34j4C&printsec=frontcover&source=gbs_ge_summary_r&cad=0#v=onepage&q&f=false

When I look back at all that has happened since I quit smoking I can see so clearly how cigarettes truly never helped us deal with life. Life as it happens was just an excuse to smoke. The fact that I'm still smoke-free, without a single puff, proves to me that no matter what life brings, smoking isn't going to change anything, calm us down or much less help us "get through the tough times".

Congratulations, Gemzee! :)

So how is day 2 going? Let us know if you need anything and no matter what, remember that smoking doesn't help you cope with stress and not one true claim can be made that it does anything positive for us. :)

Welcome, Kendra! Congratulations on your decision to take your freedom back. :)

Welcome, superduperhooper! Glad you found us and even more glad that you've decided to quit smoking...for good. How long did you smoke for? Not sure what all you've learned about this addiction, but knowledge is how we beat it, not by strong-arming it. A good place to start learning is to watch the videos in Joel's Library, specifically videos addressing issues early in your quit. Please know that in order to succeed, we must keep our quits separate from misgivings, celebrations, hurts and the many other excuses that we used to use to perpetuate the lie that smoking calms us, helps us cope with stress and was even some kind of sick reward to celebrate some positive event or accomplishment. As you go forward, please stay active within the community and never, ever get complacent in your quit because the day you do could be the day junkie thinking starts to enter your mind and before you know it, the cigarettes have found the open door and we all know too well what happens from there. Welcome aboard and let us know each day (or as often as possible) how your quit is going and if you're having any issues. Above all, remember to take the "The Daily NOPE! Pledge" each day. (not one puff, ever). :) Come Share Your Strengths, Come Share Your Vulnerabilities Video talks about how helping others who are in the midst of quitting can help you to secure your own quit over the long-term. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIloKURIIic&index=44&list=PL4F05C03D0F9B86DB There Is No Legitimate Reason To Relapse Video explains how that under any conditions, even those of catastrophic stress or loss, there is no real legitimate reason to take a cigarette. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCm_5b144XE&index=37&list=PL4F05C03D0F9B86DB

I relapsed after 9 months. Expect it to be rough at times. Time quit is not a measuring stick nor are other people. We're all different. You are wasting nobody's time, least of all mine. This is where you need to be. Period.