Juan, when I relapsed last October, I thought that smoking a cigarette would make things better. Despite all the reading and understanding the lies of nicotine addiction, there was one lie that I still believed; smoking could somehow help me cope with the hell that I was living with. As it turned out, I learned the hard way that I had left a gaping hole open in my quit and when I lit that first cigarette and the 19 that followed, not one of them made me relax, made me feel better and I got zero pleasure from any of them. Now, even though I still live in some kind of hell, I have no desire to smoke because I exposed the last lie that I was holding onto.
Also, my relapse didn't just happen as I had been allowing all sorts of junkie thinking to creep in. It was a mistake and the consequence was blowing a 9 month quit that was going very well.
If you learn from this relapse and take the time to invest in your quit, you will be much stronger for it.
Whatever you do, never stop quitting. Tomorrow you could wake up and all of sudden know that you'll never smoke again. Keep striving for this and in the meantime, stop putting weeds in your mouth and lighting them on fire. We got your back, Juan. Keep coming here and keep posting.