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I agree w the others, especially Jill… it’s totally the addiction knowing it can win u over w those thoughts. Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally new to this staying quit thing and who knows maybe it’ll pull me back in too (hopefully not and I’m not leaning that way lol). So maybe I’m not the person to listen to or trust. But I’m saying it doesn’t make u lesser a strong, good person. I’ve learned those thoughts of being cynical and the way you feel are going to be there whether we smoke or not. I totally thought to myself it’s totally not a good time for me to quit bc my dad passed, had two miscarriages, my dog died, got covid, was hospitalized, and quit my job after 9 years..it was too much…but staying smoking is not gonna change any of that, so why not just try to stay quit as long as I can….like really try. And if it doesn’t work out, ok I’ll try again, but at least I gave it a Girl Scouts try. Idk what I’m saying it sounds like gibberish to me now lol. I just had a (nother) panic attack (who tf knows why lol), where I couldn’t breathe, went for a drive, took my anxiety med, and now I’m home…..2 months ago I couldn’t imagine not having a cig after that ordeal. Now, I use the air cig, candy, tiktok, my dog, something else for the time being. But believe me I still have a ways to go w self stuff too. Anyway, so glad you’re back on the train…let’s find a good cabin and relax

Hello Fabulous Quitters, I am seated again. It has been over 24 hours smoke free at this point. 10:57a.m. 4/16/2023 (for when I do feel I can make a ticker , again.) I won't be making a ticker for awhile, as I don't trust myself to remain quit. I REALLY profoundly appreciate the support and words and perspectives on this forum. I am not sure I will EVER BE FREE permanently. I seem to have brief success then (here's the straw, Brioski) encounter some deeply painful event and choose to hurt myself. Sad and deeply disturbing on many levels , yet, I am used to BEing who I am. In my best version of me, I feel confident and able. In my cynical and defeated version, I feel nothing and just want to keep feeling nothing. Yes, read and re-read. Always an opportunity to see from another perspective or from where you stand in the moment. Thought lots about why I did not post my feelings of wobble ON the S.O.S. board.... keep telling myself that I wasn't (literallly) in a place to stay on the board. Falling all over myself in gratitude that this train is open no matter how many times you get off. Though it has me crying to realize that if I'd stuck with it the first time I sat down it'd be close to a decade free. Here I am, day 2, again. Never quit quitting, right, Fighting for my life here, really....though some how some where I get the message I am not worth it. Trying to record over that playing in my head. TMI Hope I can ride along in peace.

N O P E

NOPE…

NOPE!

Nope...

For much of the last couple of weeks, I hit a mental wall of sorts. It wasn't that I was craving a cigarette so much as I was finding it difficult to identify myself as a nonsmoker. Nagging, insecure thoughts were persistent. I began to doubt if I was really done with smoking for good. My policy to this point had been to "fight like hell." What am I fighting? The fight is with addiction of course, but do I really need to fight? My addiction is my own creation and is not an independent entity. Addiction cannot hide around corners, jumping me when I least expect it and force me to smoke against my will. Addiction can only plant a seed, it is my choice to cultivate it or not. My addiction only has the power I give it. I've ceased fighting my addiction and since then, its voice has been a whimper subjugated to the back of my mind. When I was fighting tooth-and-nail, its voice roared. I recognize its existence, but now any irrational addiction thoughts that spring to mind are quickly silenced by reason and logic. I am not becoming complacent, I simply realized the futility of building a thing up only to spend the rest of the day attempting to knock it down. There is no reason for me to fight as I have finally realized there is nothing to fear. Maintaining a successful quit is a simple matter of never making a conscious decision to place a cigarette in my mouth and light it on fire. It does not get more simple than that. I spent time in the darkness, but eventually saw the light.

Bump

Wise girl and yay for you glad you got through the tests. I only bring up ACV as an option because so far has worked well for me and a warning about the Singular med so you are aware to make a better decision. Have a great day.

Hope your health is on the up B Quitting can only be doing more good x

NOPE!

G’day NOPE .....Not One Puff Ever.... (replace Ever with Min,Hour, Day as required).

-20!!

-18

Thats the addiction knowing how to cause you to relapse Darcy. You have to be bigger than the addiction for a while. After some time it gets much easier but you haven't allowed your stronger self to get to that point. I'm glad you're back seated again but by the sound of your post you're already expecting a relapse and that's all our addiction needs to know to rear its ugly head and drag us back in. Use your tools, use your air cigarette, really it works! Lets get this done once and for all!!!

Welcome back Darcy.. You can do it ,you just need to have the desire to be free .. You sound like your doing the Hokey Kokey ,half in and half out ..just like all my of my past failures You need to put your whole self in . .. Make that promise ,and never smoke again ..no matter what .. Have you read the 3 documentries here ..it was a light bulb moment for me . Seeing how hard the Tabacco companies work to make sure we stay hooked ,i promised tbey wouldnt get another penny of my money .. Upwards and onwards !!

Thank you both! I def only plan on taking meds my dr prescribes, and even then I do my own research and ask questions/advocate for my meds/health. I’m on three diff meds for asthma and none of them are singular/mont. I’ll have to read up on acv, but won’t be just taking something bc my internet friend told me to, no offense overcome . Thank you for thinking of me. I just got home and was able to do my tests, treadmill included . Now for a Wendy’s cheeseburger lolol. hope you’re all having a good day

G’day NOPE .....Not One Puff Ever.... (replace Ever with Min,Hour, Day as required).

Jenny Quit Date: 5/24/2012 Overcoming Your Quitter’s Remorse. september 20, 2012 by cameron kellett If you have ever attempted to quit smoking, there is a good chance you’re familiar with the notion of quitter’s remorse. You may recognize it as the occasional feeling of regret we have over making the decision to quit smoking and cause ourselves to suffer the healing process. It is a feeling that leads us to envy those care free smokers, happily feeding their addiction without a worry in the world. The remorse will often come after recalling what it was like to NOT bear the struggle that comes with quitting smoking. It is a feeling that leads us to envy those care free smokers, happily feeding their addiction without a worry in the world and no commitment to live up to. Quitter’s remorse, I would say, is one of the biggest influences for relapse outside of the chemical dependency to nicotine. Why? Because the junkie brain feeds off it. It uses our fear and our doubt against us. If unrecognized, quitter’s remorse can lead a quitter to forget just how utterly crap being an addict actually was. So, how do we overcome it? The first step is having a greater awareness. Being able to recognise your junkie brain and its remorse over quitting, enables you to actively fight against it, and in turn, overpower it. If you are mentally prepared when the junkie brain strikes, you can quickly rationalise your way to a different perspective. Consider using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to help achieve this. Another angle of attack is to build your quit smoking campaign around a genuine desire to live a life free from nicotine addiction; rather than the avoidance of long term health consequences. Learn as much as you can about your addiction! Once you understand it you can believe with confidence, all those feelings of remorse will quickly pass and eventually disappear. You will come to understand those feelings of loss or nagging regrets are completely influenced by the addiction and not your rational self. In time you will become sympathetic toward smokers, rather than envious. You will see the addict before you see the smoker. It also pays to remind yourself that smokers are almost always envious of ex smokers. Smokers often feel helplessly trapped by their addiction and hold little hope of quitting. I remember thinking that way as an addict. At the end of the day, if you are in the middle of a quit campaign and find yourself feeling remorseful, ask yourself, which do you want to be; hopeful or hopeless. Link to original post: https://www.quittrain.com/topic/9650-quitters-remorse/

Hang in there @Brioski. Quitting is emotionally and physically discombobulating. But like you said, protecting your quit means you have stepped OFF that merry go round of regret, and that’s huge!! Keep advocating for the medical help you need. We’re here for you.

NOPE

Aww Darcy ..sad reading .. If you have read all you can here ,watched all the Joel video s .. Will smoking ever feel the same ..? Hopefully you have enough knowledge to just jump back on the train .if you haven't read Allen Carr the easy way to quit smoking i strongly recommended this book,it sure opened my eyes .. I hoping as soon as you inhaled that crap you wished you still had that great quit .. Jump back on ...it may save your life Sweetie x

While this setback is still fresh in your mind, Darcy, I wanted to share a few (kind, non-judgmental) thoughts. Specifically, after serious attempts to quit like this one, I'm pretty convinced that it's impossible to smoke in "normal" unreflective ways again: you've distanced yourself from the denial that accompanies active addiction, and you're even more aware of the damage that each cigarette is doing to you. This uneasiness is ultimately a good (though certainly not pleasant) thing, especially if you leverage it to get back to the crucial, life-affirming work of becoming and remaining smokefree as soon as possible. At least for me, my initial unsuccessful attempts demanded that I confront the fundamental question of whether I could/wanted to see myself as a smoker for the rest of my life. And, despite my addiction, I simply could not imagine a lifetime of smoking and realized, ultimately, that I just had to start again--this time with a frightening but courageous commitment that no matter how crappy I felt and for however long, I would stay smokefree. I know that you can do something similar, and in the process that disappointment (and even self-loathing) you're experiencing now will become a a kind of transformative pride that will shape your future in extraordinary ways. Join us again sooner rather than later, friend--we know you can do this. Christian99 21+ Years Quit

Yes, you will be welcomed back. But, you can do this. The quit and relapse cycle is a horrible one (I went through it for a long time before quitting for good) and it is torture. It is tough early on but sticking with it and fighting through it does pay off in the long run. Smoking does nothing positive for you at all, it is all negative. I hope to see you back. Quitting is worth the early struggles.

Thanks for all your support and kindness. Left my seat and will be rejoining .... will let you know when I'm reseated. Appreciate greatly that I will be welcomed back.

@darcyI know how bad it is right now for you but you can do it. I was seriously hating life for 8 to 10 months I think. I couldn't understand why it kept getting worse when it should have been getting better. Everything you are feeling is real but it will pass. you are being reborn as a nonsmoker and these are the labor pains. Love yourself enough to see it through. you won't regret it

I’m so sorry you’re feeling like that Darcy…those little stupid sticks don’t have control..you have control..even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. I totally get what you’re feeling…we’re almost two and you almost three (!!) months in and still having these thoughts, it sucks!! Deep breaths lovie you’re ok.

Darcy .. Re read ..and watch the videos Its that dam monster playing with your head .. Ive yet to see soneone replase and not regret keeping hold of thier quit The only way to win is fight .. Buy some jigsaws ..learn to knit , Something that will keep your mind and fingers busy .. Stay close !!

All the strength you need is already inside you. You can take care of yourself in your situation.

As I got older as a smoker, I started to grow very self-conscious of how I smelled when around crowds that were mostly non-smokers (especially at work). After quitting, I started feeling more confident in these type of settings and realized that it was one of many smaller things that made me feel good about everyday life. Like you just posted, Molly, not having to go out and smoke in crappy weather is also a nice plus. The further you get in your quit, you will discover many positives, some big and some small, about not being a smoker. It is a positive journey.

One more thing, as long as I'm in testifying mode...I've spent a good deal of time reading about how nicotine rewired our addicted brains. That's important knowledge to have when you are quitting. Now I am more focused on how we can rewire our brains when we quit. There is good news fellow quitters, we can change our neural pathways and rewire our brains. The process begins as soon as we quit. Here is a brief video about neuroplasticity that I think is relevant to the quitting process:

How you getting along Darcy..

I hope you're taking your own great advice Darcy. Just keep reminding yourself that you do not want to go through this again and again. Once is enough and then its over. I'm telling you this as someone who had a miserable first year! I wish I had my posts from that first year but they were lost and could have shown you that perseverance pays off! You can do it, xoxo