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Hi @11better11 We've all been there at one time or another. A few things to keep in mind as you go through this. 1. Quitting smoking is a process, not an event and sometimes a relapse is just part of the process. I quit more times than I can remember before it stuck. 2. It is an addiction and cigarettes were designed to get you addicted and keep you addicted. It's an uphill battle but moving uphill makes you stronger. Our grandparents and great grand parents didn't build the greatest society in history by walking downhill to school every morning...both ways. 3. Feeling lost and a little depressed is pretty normal. You are giving up your friend, your companion, except this friend is stabbing you in the back and ruining your life. 4. Only you can motivate you to quit. Having a tribe to help influence you to stick with it is what this forum is all about, but it all comes down to you keeping yourself motivated. the resources are here with plenty of ex-addicts to encourage you along the way but none of us can quit for your. and 5. which is the most pertinent is that it is going to suck balls for quite a while, but once you get past that it's not so bad and you adapt and find things that you'd rather do than smoke. We've all faced that monster and it is big and scary at first, but then you find out it the only teeth it has are the ones you give it and you can take them back whenever you choose. Anyhow, hope this helps and hope you stick around on the train. We all love seeing a fresh quitter succeed.

Not crazy or stupid. Just addicted and discouraged. Been there. I was skeptical of success stories, too. They felt unattainable. Some people found quitting to be joyful, less difficult than expected. I salute them. But my own quit, after 40+ years of heavy smoking, was not a happy scene of frolicking unicorns and carefree rainbows. It has been a grim, white-knuckled, miserable uphill climb out of a deep pit… and I am still climbing. I need lots of creative strategies, and I used NRT as a temporary crutch. It ain’t pretty. But I am doing it, one day at a time. So can you. Haven’t seen a success story out there yet that you can relate to? Okay, write your very own. And tell us about it along the way. If I learned anything from my past relapses it’s that shame is useless. It fed the addiction and sped my slide back down into the pit, time and again. Things started to change for me when I ditched the shame and, instead, got angry about being controlled by nicotine, and got and curious about what it would take for me to quit. What will your turning point be?

it's not crazy. I never thought I could quit, seriously. It took me almost a year to finally jump off the cliff and really do it. Don't look at this as a failure. Try to understand why you relapsed. Then see if you can come up with a plan to prevent it in the future. There is nothing wrong with you. You are just matched up against an addiction that you have convinced yourself you can't beat. Once you convince yourself that you can beat it you will. And as long as we are sharing things, when I got about 2 months into my quit and things seemed to be getting harder I thought something was wrong with me and hated everybody else for it. the addiction puts all kinds of crazy thoughts in your head. just let them come and go. don't judge yourself and don't light up.

Please don’t give up, @11better11. We are not failures, we just got caught in the trap of a very powerful addiction. One that flourishes in the dark, and makes us feel lousy. But you can break free. Let some light in. Shake off your slip like a polar bear shakes off water. Post here on the Train about what you are going through. (We’ve been there, too.) Read the resources, let them sink in. Take it one day - or one hour or one minute - at a time. You can do this.

+1 to what Yoda and Jillar said. I don't mean to minimize what you are experiencing or how lousy you feel, @Linda. But the whole "I'm not strong enough" spiel is a false narrative. It's the addiction talking, causing you to view the world through a glass darkly. Because that's what addiction does to all of us. It skews our perceptions of the facts - facts like the 550 plus days you were smoke free. You did not dream those days! They are part of you. You built up all kinds of coping skills during that time. Those skills and that quitting muscle memory is still inside you.

Shake it off @Linda don't let this one mistake define you. you know how to get there.

Nothing saddens me more than seeing a soldier fall..... No sermons ....Right ....you fell for the trap in thinking a cigarette will make a crappy time better ... You won't be the first or the last Sweetheart.... It's what you do next that the most important thing .... Carry on smoking until it kills you eventually........or ... Jump back in your seat ....And get back on track ....you know you can do it ... Come - On Linda ....Let's get you Quit again

Being human sucks sometimes- we all make mistakes and no one is expected to be perfect Hoping you're personal battles are under control Now is the time to stick close & regain your composure

Don't be discouraged Linda. Use this mistake to learn from and to build your resolve to break free from this addiction. I'm glad you posted here to hold yourself accountable. You can change and you can quit.

Hey, Linda. Thank you so much for writing about this. It does help to see your story here. I have felt on the knife edge of smoking lately, and your words help me feel less alone, less bonkers. Did smoking for the last few days fix anything in your life? Tell me it didn't. I need the reminder! We've all fallen off the wagon before, I lost a long quit myself once. All can offer is that when that happened, I dearly wish that I had not resigned myself to the addiction again. I wish I had shaken it off and climbed back on the wagon right away. You can still remember what it was like to be free, all those quit muscles you built since Jan 2021 are still strong. They will hold you up!

No. Matter. What.

What's done is done Linda. You can't unsmoke a cigarette. What you can do is make a decision right now to not smoke anymore. The most memorable lessons are often the ones that hurt a bit. Hard lessons can set us straight and be a constant reminder of what not to do. Those same hard lessons can be an albatross around our neck if we allow it to be. Mistakes were made. Lessons were learned. Time to get back on track and move forward.

Smoking is only a life-sentence if you allow it to be. I resigned myself to a lifetime of smoking on many occasions. Even rationalized it with the old "I'd rather die young and happy than old and miserable" line of thinking. The addiction was in complete control right up until the moment I decided to take back control of my life. It was a challenge at times, but I've never once regretted quitting. The Quitter's Paradox: I don't want to be a smoker but I sure would like a cigarette. Every single quitter has had to deal with these contradictory thoughts. To successfully quit, you have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. It won't last forever. Quitting gets easier with time and eventually becomes an afterthought. There is no way around the early challenges; you simply get through them. There are no superheroes here. None of us posses otherworldly powers. If any of us put on a cape and jump off the roof, we will simply fall to earth and probably require medical attention. What differentiates us is that one day we all decided that we wanted to quit more than we wanted to smoke...That's it! Everybody here knows you can quit, we have no doubt. I sincerely hope you join us in believing in your ability to quit.

I agree, shake it off and get back to quitting! The sooner the better and I know you know this............

Aww man @Linda, that sucks that you caved instead of coming here to your support. Sometimes just looking at your ticker is enough to show you what you'll be giving up.... I hope you've destroyed whatever cigs you had and are ready to take your seat back?

"....I do not want to forfeit my life to submission & servitude..." Amen. Thanks for the reinforcement.

The Tobacco Company's work very hard to keep the poor smoker addicted ... Don't feel shame ,we have all been there ..... This is a killer addiction ,never give up giving up..... Understanding this addiction will be your weapon ...the more you know ,the more you can fight ... Make sure you read all the great information on our Main Smoking Message Board ,the threads pinned with green ,it is full of great stuff to help you fight ... Watch all Joel's video,s ...He covers most concerns ... Have you read Allen Carr the easy way ...another get tool to have ,he helped alot of us ,reading this book is a eye opener ... Set a day ....come here pledge ....stick close ..post all the time if you need too... Don't stick anything in your mouth and set fire to it ...No Matter WHAT !!!!!! YOU can do it ....there is a train full of quitters who know you can ... Make the commitment....and stick to it .

N O P E

G’day NOPE .....Not One Puff Ever.... (replace Ever with Min,Hour, Day as required)

I agree with Jillar ...coming here and telling us what you are feeling can sometimes be all it takes to keep. a Quit ....I've seen alot saved this way .... You have had time to feel clean ....smell better ,taste food better ,have more money ....not have stinky clothes and all the other horrible stuff smoking entails .... Do you really want to go backward ..? Your stronger than you think Linda...

Ramona Quit Date: 1/29/2017 Posted September 1, 2015 In 4 days I will celebrate my 10 month mark. I've not had a single puff in these 10 months. I did not sacrifice a single inhale to death sticks. Astounding!!! To quit smoking has been my number one, most important goal. Nothing has come before it. I've made it this far because I've made this quit my top priority. If the choice is between smoking a cigarette OR: punching myself in the face slamming my head into walls running 3 times a day even when my bones ACHE potentially losing my job inflicting minor damage to my skin gaining 20 pounds arguing and screaming with my boyfriend asking for help from strangers on this forum baking bread/cakes every night in 90 degree heat I choose the latter - - - because the rules remain: NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF & NOT ONE PUFF EVER. To apply these hard-fast rules is the only way to break this incredible addiction. Quitting is not for everyone. Undoing a lifelong dependency, undoing a lifelong coping mechanism, proves too difficult for many folks. But I will overcome. I do not want to forfeit my life to submission & servitude. I will no longer play supplicant to a host of deadly chemicals. Link to original post: https://www.quittrain.com/topic/5916-no-matter-what-right/

"Quitting is not for everyone." That is only true if you give in to the addiction. ANYONE can quit smoking if they put in the effort and the self discipline needed.......

NOPE

NOPE

Nope.......

NOPE…

NOPE!

How you doing @11better11. Those who stay close to the board are more likely to succeed

Nope!

NOPE!

As with many things if we fall down, we get back up, shake it off and get back at it.....try not to get down on yourself!

NOPE!

NOPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

https://youtu.be/pC-gAD-0-OY

Nope ...not this guy!!!

G’day NOPE .....Not One Puff Ever.... (replace Ever with Min,Hour, Day as required)

Nope!!

NOPE

nope

NOPE…

I am almost at twelve months. I know there is no way I could have done it without the people here. You can talk about anything here. We all have challenges in our everyday lives that we would like to think that we have to smoke to get thru it. That is not true, I would come here and just spew all that out. Everyone would tell me it will be okay, you will get thru it. So far, so good, and I did not even have to pay for a therapist. LOL They are all gems, they just don't know it. You will see!!

Then a Canadian band

Another - had all of these guys albums!

Good Aussie band here.

Strippers in particular. Many a young lady shook their biscuits to "Pour Some Sugar On Me" back in the day. It's not important how I know this! Here's another strip club song. And the band is from Australia, so it's kind of in keeping with Jo's theme of Aussie artists...

Well I was not even going to post this, but I thought it might help others I gave in to my old demons when I had some things happen in my life that I thought I could not handle. I knew better there is not just one!!! I have smoked some for the last 5 days. I am ashamed, angry, at myself and hated to admit this on here. I said when I started this last quit I don't know if I could do it again. It was so hard to get where I was and I blew it!! I thought I had won the battle and I lost!!! So I hope someone can learn from my weakness, it is like what I have read here we are addicts and it can so easily suck you back in!! It did me, and trust It is not a good feeling. I had so many good people and support here not only did I let myself down, I feel like I let others down that helped me get as far as I did. So please don't make the same mistake I did if you are fairly new in your quit!! I was far enough in my quit I thought I knew better!! Stay strong and fight the monster!! The sad part is I did know better,because of the people here and I gave up!! So pissed at myself and feeling very defeated. So fellow train riders stay strong!! As I sit here in tears writing this. It sucks.I thought I had it beat!!

@jillar Yes I looked and for sure realize it SUCKS big time!!! Not feeling very strong right now.

@DenaliBlues I can tell you it did not change a damm thing. And sad part of that deep down it wouldn't. The only thing it did was make feel bad about myself. Right now I feel weaker than I did in the beginning of my quit.

Not well, smoked again and I feel so lost. Not as confident as when I started this thread. Maybe I will smoke all my life.