I want to smoke too! The cold hard truth is I can't. The minute the doctor told me a cat scan revealed the beginnings of emphysema I knew there was no more telling myself smoking was okay. Push came to shove, the cat was out of the bag, the cookie crumbled, and I had to face the consequences of my actions over the last 40 years. Sounds like the Doc has told you, you are on a one way road to a bad head on collision. Your family is in the car with you. If this was literally happening while you were driving you would get off at the next exit. You have done it before, you know you can do it. Please save yourself and your family from heartbreak. Accept it as the only choice!