You haven't let us down, although I know we do feel for you struggling like this.
First thing, if you feel like you are about to smoke, post an SOS. Wait for people to respond and try to let them help you.
The videos help a lot of people but they don't help everyone. I know successful quitters who, for whatever reason, didn't like Joel's videos. If they don't work for you, there are other resources, like Allen Carr's "Easyway to Quit Smoking" if want to find the book online, the website KEL mentioned, or just continuing to reach out to us.
Ultimately, as long as you think you are missing out on something by not smoking, you will still be tempted to smoke. Realizing that nothing good comes from smoking and that the struggles with quitting are only temporary, you will be better prepared to stay quit.