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Hello beautiful souls. As some of you may know I had a 12 year quit and relapsed a few months ago. Ive got bipolar2 and I was in a manic state. If you know anything about this disorder in the very high state you are not "you". You behave recklessly and you have a devil may care attitude. It's not fun at all. I had never experienced this before. From my first puff it didn't take long to be back to a packet a day. I couldn't believe this was happening. I was a staunch anti smoking activist! After three stop starts and feeling beyond frustrated I joined the Quit Train, and was met with complete love, non judgement and encouragement. I still couldn't do it on my own and reached out for professional help. In that time I learned so much about myself and it gave me time to set a very serious quit date which was the 5th of May. It wasn't easy. About a week in I started "coming down", I struggled with depression, and I had to double up my mood stabilizer. Shortly there after I experienced physical and mental burn out. The fact that I had a severe sinus infection didn't help. Quite often I would just log on here to read posts, send encouragement or play the games to keep my mind off things. Today it's a month and I feel heaps better. Despite a rough ride, it never occurred to me that smoking might be a solution. I feel free again. I feel alive. I'm in control of my health. I had to dig deep but it's been worth it. I continue to work on my inner child issues to have a better life. Not only for me, but for my family too. If you have read this far, thank you. If you are considering quitting, I can assure you it's a beautiful gift of love you give yourself and there are special caring members here who will give you all the support you need. I see you. You are valid. Your life counts. Namaste. Have a blessed day xox

G’day NOPE .....Not One Puff Ever.... (replace Ever with Min,Hour, Day as required)

Thanks for your advice and encouragement everyone. Well it wasn't just any old ice cream, it was Queensland mango and coconut covered in white chocolate!! Certainly did the trick, so I have three more in the freezer in case I need some comfort again! Seriously, it was quite tough working through all of that last night on my own, but this morning I am so pleased that I didn't buy cigarettes...I would have been very disappointed in myself. Like you Gus, I can't bear the thought of going through the early stages of quitting again, that is very good motivation to keep going. Hopefully the severe lockdown is easing up and things will be more 'normal' this coming week.

@Cbdave @johnny5 @Hope2Nope Where are you guys? It's still the 5th of June, my side

NOPE

NOPE!

Quitting ....what a journey .... There will be alot of bends and tunnels along this track ... Sometimes it seems you will never reach that all important station called FREEDOM .. One day you will get up and you wil feel differently about your quit ... It will become your pride and joy ...something you will want to cherish.. It happens at different times for different folks ...but it will happen ... And it will be Magic ..... All you have to do is protect your quit ...No Matter What

Don't be discouraged, any of you newbies! You have done the really hard work and yes, the challenges continue at times. That's to be expected but if you think about things and look back to the early days of your quits, you'll see things are improving overall. Now (a months or 2 or 3 in), is the time to consciously start changing your thoughts from; Geez I wish I could have a smoke right now to; am I ever happy and impressed with myself that I don't have to hide behind a smoke anymore in this situation! Looking towards the benefits you're seeing and dismissing any urges to smoke will take you far and help get you to where you want to be. The other big issue is patience! You really need to have that at this point. Patience and faith in the process. We all wanted our quits to be further advanced than what they were early on. It's happing, even though you may not see it daily. You developed smoking triggers/habits over 20-30-40 years. Give your quit at least 1 year to start erasing those triggers/habits that you've imprinted on your brains. It WILL happen if you give it a chance and the proper timeframe Now, speaking of smoking .... I gotta go slow cook that duck on the smoker

Happy anniversary my fellow butt kicker! Hope you have a great day @G67"and do something fun for yourself

LOL. Cbdave is in Australia so it is probably June 6 over there already. Not sure where H2N is from but I guess we just go ahead and NOPE in advance.

Congratulations Sweetheart..... I'm so happy to share this celebration with you ....good news you are making good progress.... You are a valued member here ...and we are all here to support you on your journey ..

You guys are all doing so well even though it may not seem like it right now. @Robbie, you should feel so proud of yourself for being in a store and buying an ice cream instead of cigarettes, especially since you were having such a bad day. That's a huge accomplishment and shows a ton of self discipline. Same for you @Dianne, @Gus and @PeachFuzzand @Linda, you've all had challenges and with determination and an unwavering desire to quit you are succeeding. I had a hard first year too and I used it as my number 1 reason for not relapsing and having to do it all over again. I also read my posts from the beginning of my quit each month so I wouldn't forget where I came from and to see how far along I'd come. Its surprising how much of the bad days I had forgotten as time went by so it was definitely worth rereading. Maybe reading yours will help you guys too

Your bound to have thoughts .... It's What you do with these thought .... I was told in my early days ..It's ok to Wobble ...just make sure you don't fall over .... You had a battle ...and you won ....and has some yummy ice cream ... Great going ...

Pledge is a promise . I don't break promises therefore for today I pledge . Keeping my quit safe one day at a time. Have a great weekend everyone .

No ways hosay NOPE!

Good for you Robbie for buying ice cream!!! Fighting those craves!! If you have read any of my post, I have struggled with them. It does get easier as time goes on, but keep that guard up!!! I to have dealt with depression also with my quit. Try flipping that switch to some thing positive. I will journal and do a gratitude list of all the things I have to be grateful for, even if they are little things. It changes the focus off of smoking. Hang in there you are doing great

The way Karen Carpenter left this world got ME down!

Nope!

Thanks for the advice @Doreensfree @jillar and @reciprocity You guy are the best! And @reciprocity please let us know how the duck turned out.

Congratulations on 1 month smoke free, PeachFuzz.

Congratulations G67.... 5 years in a great Inspirational Quit ....Rewards yourself well.... You won't get any reward in the chicks and sticks game ... The chicks are whooping all the sticks ....

Congratulations on one month quit @PeachFuzz and I'm really glad you're feeling better. And I'm glad through it all you stuck to your quit

There are other reasons people need oxygen . . Problem is , yes people see others with an oxygen tank and think automatically the cause is always smoking . That is not true . If I were you , ( but we are all different) I would use my situation as an opportunity to educate people , especially young people on the effects of smoking on our health and our family . This is coming from a person who like a person said earlier chalked up my breathlessness to asthma so I could remain smoking . Funny thing is , I have both . It started with chronic bronchitis , frequent pneumonia . Oxygen is giving people a better life . Live for today and this moment . Copd is progressive so stopping smoking now will slow that progression . Many today have Copd and don't know it , it's a slow and silent disease until it sneaks up on you . Quitting now is the best thing any of us can do .

Nope....not even an option!!!

That right there Knowing others got/get it and being able to call it a day and wake to a new one....have gotten me through...Hang in there Robbie...it is good to finally treat ourselves well.

Thank you @Gus even though we are miles apart, you were such a caring friend. Thank you xx Keep it going

Hey Robbie! I had the same kind of day yesterday and to be honest I already feel the same way this morning. I will not say that I have the urge to smoke because I don’t. I am in a constant state of low tension and anxiety because of something that is happening in my life right now that I have absolute no control over. I am literally facing a giant wall with my hands balled into fists down at my sides and my forehead pressed into said wall trying to will it away. I don’t know what to do about this wall. It will eventually crumble and fall as all walls do. All I can do is stay on here and read the old posts. It’s reading the personal battles that help me most. I guess that all I can say is that you are not alone in this. You are not the only one facing this particular issue. So keep posting on here and if the only thing that keeps you from quitting your quit is that you know that one other person on this planet is feeling the exact same way as you are then that is enough and we can call it a day and hope for a better one tomorrow.

I had quite a strong desire to buy cigarettes tonight; I think it was brought on by this week and the horrible COVID lockdown. Stayed home most of the day and by this evening I was quite depressed and needing some comfort. It persisted for a while and I used my nicotine spray more than normal. Went to the super market and bought an ice cream! Yes, cold Wintery night but it seemed to help somehow. Made me despair a bit, I am 60 days smoke free and when the going gets tough, I'm still wanting to smoke....sigh. Hope these feelings of wanting to smoke pass, as the weeks go by. I find it discouraging.

Hi Jillar! I am so sorry you had that awful experience in January, and so glad you lived to tell the story!! Thanks for sharing for others to learn from. Young people definitely need to quit now before they get the same disease. COPD took my mom. She too was ashamed to be in public with her oxygen. It made me so sad that she disengaged from the world. Your life is unique and precious. Enjoy your moments, free from shame or guilt, or worry what others may think. Chances are, they are too concerned with themselves to be judging you anyway. You deserve to enjoy your life. Live it to the fullest of your ability for as long as you can. Thank you for all the wisdom and support you gave me when I joined, and provide everybody here on the train ❤

NOPE!

NOPE as in hell no

Beginning your quit ? Be prepared to be uncomfortable a while . There will mostly likely be days ya wanna scream or tears will flow like a river that never runs dry . You may want to take a hammer and pound nails into a piece of wood for every time you got angry at what someone said or did . Stock up on them you are going to need a lot of nails lol . Spouses beware ! Friends beware ! In the beginning it's normal to not want to accept the things that might be the truth and it's also common to gaurd our feelings . A cigarette protected us so we believed . We stuffed in many of our feelings instead blowing our top or dealing with them . The good news is you will learn that you can deal with the things you thought you couldn't and it won't take work , it just happens . Its a funny and a scary feeling to feel that our emotions are so exposed to everyone , but trust me everyone who has quit or quitting along with you understands . When you first quit there will be many things you might not want to hear . It's the way of addiction . Addiction is cunnning . We all come to realize in our own journeys just how cunning it is . You may even feel personally attacked and think no one understands or be defensive like I was , but for some reason I stuck around because deep down I knew they were speaking to my truth . Deep down I knew It was something I needed to hear to stop with the denial that was holding me bound to addiction. One day we will all think of someone in this community or another forum who either liked us or not because truth is not all will like me or you but regardless we will take something away from the experience that was helpful . We think supportive means seeing eye to eye . We think supportive is being kind ( even overly kind ) but while that's nice every child needs good guidance and so do we adults sometimes . How hard we worked to make our excuse to smoke convincing to others and how hard we worked to believe our excuse was rational and legitimate . If someone saw through it they became a threat and attack on our character .How hard we worked for acceptance . Acceptance to come back to the community promising ourselves and others that we got it , we will do better . This was going to be the quit ! We worked at being convincing didn't we ? It was a job for many of us ! Addicts are good at creativity but addiction is also good at being creative . It knows you , what weakness you have and what makes you tick. The only way to beat addiction is with the truth , the whole truth , and nothing but the truth . Face the things that hurt . The moment things get hard isn't it true we start searching for the best feasible , most believable reason to convince you and ourselves why we gave up yet again ? I don't think I was the only one was I ? I can't tell you how many times elders saw through me and each elder in their own unique way tried to help me see my mistakes before I took the next puff . Theyb knew one puff is all it takes to start a battle of the mind and only one mistake restarts the quit smoke cycle . Some of those elders which was ( my stinkin thinkin ) wanted to push me off the edge but had I taken the step forward I gaurentee you somehow they would have been at the bottom to catch me . Be prepared to hear things you might not like in the beginning , be prepared that your addict self will still want to win , it will want you to debate , retaliate and fight and the harder you pull away or defend yourself , the harder it pull you in too . Think of it as a tug of war . If you want a tug of war and you want to constantly struggle with your quit and romance smoking it's happy to play the game . Keep fighting to hold on or surrender and let it go . You will be ok . Drop the rope and see what will happen to Nikodemon . Let him fall on his a$$ . You are a very important part of addictions plan and a very important part of yours . The ball is truly in your court . It might feel like an uncomfortable place to be being your own boss when cigarettes dictated your day for years but it's only for a while and you'll be comfortable in your new role . You can never have another cigarette again if that's truly what you want ... no more fear , less anxiety and happy . Your choice.

G’day Great looking bird. Not a duck lover myself but my eldest loves his duck. Never thought of using a bullet smoker for duck. So any other hints are appreciated. Did notice you you slashed the skin to let out that excess fat. Regards Chris

Here's the results of the 'smoke a duck' experience today Duck was dry-brined last night in the fridge overnight. Fired up the smoker and prepared the duck with some Kosher Salt, Coarse grind black pepper and some orange zest rubbed onto the skin. brush on some of the Orange/Honey/Maple glaze. Stuff the cavity with orange quarters, onions, thyme and rosemary. Onto the smoker it goes at 300F: After 1 hour cooking time with spritzing the glaze every 15 minutes: Added some apple wood chunks for the smoke flavor: After 2 hours cook time: Internal temp was 155F so I pulled it and wrapped in foil for 15 mins. resting time. Carved and on the table after resting Plated with the Raspberry sauce made from scratch last night: Turned out better than I thought it would as I've never cooked duck before so was a little intimidated. The only lesson I really learned after the cook was finish is that my original time calculation was off by 1 hour. Only took 2 hours and I calculate 3 originally. I always go by internal meat temp rather than recommended cooking time otherwise you risk under or over cooking.

Congratulations to you, Peach Fuzz!

Congratulations on 5 years smoke free, G67. Great job!

Masturbators play harder

@Gus It's frustrating when something is out of our control BUT we can control how we react to it. What will be, will be. Life has a funny old way of sorting it self out. Now is not the time to over think or stress. Just keep praying, look after yourself, and then let it go.

You are awesome @PeachFuzz I’m so thankful that you stayed on the train with us. Best wishes for the future!!!

I discovered frozen peppers and onions and tried adding them to scrambled eggs....OMG top with ketchup and its freaking yum!

Very impressive @reciprocity. I had heat and eat sausage links and baked beans.

Another of my favorite quotes...

OMG! You need to start doing this for us at least every other weekend. My stomach is growling and my mouth is watering! I just finished my own pathetic meal too. HaHa Your photography is excellent by the way. You’re so talented. I’m just going to sit over here and drool for awhile. also, I overcook everything. I ruin everything I cook. I’m pathetic at cooking. I don’t know how my children survived me. LOL Thank you for your attention to detail and I do love those plates.

I just love this so much PeachFuzz! Thank you for sharing your journey. I so happy for you. Yay this just makes me happy

Looks like its going to be a Karen Carpenter day for me, play all her the best of albums, look for the not so heard of songs like "Calling occupants of interplanetary Craft" Some of her songs still make me leak My optometrist did say a good cry is good for the eye

Happy 5 years of smobriety G67!!

Good job @GetBack26844462.

NOPE!!!!!!