Yesterday morning, no coffee left. Long day ahead so I thought, l might as wel buy coffee stash and some coffee to go at the same time. Left the mall all cafeiniated and zzzjwoooosh.... it came over me, I could almost taste the cigarette.
And so I thought of how I....
.... dont mis having smelly nicotine fingers. Dont miss clearing my throat all the time. Dont miss the internal debate of guilt, shame and bargaining. Dont miss having an empty bank account. Dont miss the fear of self inflicted cancer. Dont miss my lack of oxygen while hiking. Surely dont miss the first year of getting off nicotine. Dont miss the ever ongoing 'First a cig, then the world and my responsabilities'. Dont miss my morning rattle. Dont miss my grey skin. Dont miss my dull hair. Dont miss waking up at night, smoking one in the kitchen though I have the deal with myself to not do that. Dont miss breaking promisses. Dont miss smoking one before hopping on the bus, aware of my brute stench. Dont miss slavery. Dont miss not being able to breath aaaaallllll the way through. Dont miss to postpone life. Dont miss to 'prepare' for quitting. Dont miss to set quit dates, only to disappoint myself later on. Dont miss having to admit about smoking. Dont miss smelly coats in my hallway. Dont miss leaving a restaurant dinner for a smoke. Dont miss buying a pack and realising the insane financial toll smoking takes. Dont miss leaving the warm comfort of indoors, to smoke a cig out in the cold. Dont miss the idea of not being able to do whatever, before the first cigarette of the day, or three, or sometimes five. Dont miss not being able to withstand a craving. Surely dont miss the huge impact smoking had on my life and the thousand and one excuses I made up to trivialize that.
I dont miss smoking. And I know that whenever a situation will occur where Im inclined to believe something other than that, this list backs me up. Always.