I wonder, what about smoking is it that made me live life from the sideline?
Looking back at my smokey years, its like Ive been on a constant watch for smoke facilitating circumstances. It was ALWAYS in the back of my mind, I was building life around smoking instead of the other way 'round. I dont know how I did that. It seems so, so tiring!
I cant help but feel like one of those actors in a Tell Sell commercial: its amaaaaaazing!!
But... It really is, to me. Time is flying (since 5, 6 weeks) and every morning I wake up after a good night of sleep. Instead of cursing the whole world and whishing not to be talked to before Ive had coffee and at least three cigarettes, I actually do usefull sensible stuff like sleeping a bit late, or pre-read work mail, humming along and well, ladiedahdiedahh.
There's still some serious shit going on and its been a pretty hectic past 8 months. But, I decide now. Not the cigarette. No more cravings or 'empty cigarette moments', and yet, prepared with a huge backpack full of knowledge and confidence might they return for some reason.
I remember people saying, be proud! And then I tried to be, but often didnt feel like it. I promiss you, that moment will come. Quitting is a super dynamic proces, ups, downs, left, right, hey I am ok, hell no I am not, hey I think Im there and oh shoot, id kill for a smoke right now... and so on. But time goes on, seasons change and you form new habits to challenge your addiction patterns and you learn new skills and you will get used to the new you.
I know I did! Its amaaazing!