Lilly, it is plain and simple that you are an addict. You become obsessed with that cigarette you are not going to have the minute you quit. That is what an addict does.
You need to concentrate on how wonderful a life is without them.
I was scared to death to quit but the minute I realized I could, the thought of going back repulsed me. Once you gain the power to quit, you need to hold onto it. Respect it, admire it and hold onto it with all you have. Distraction is the most important. You were a wonderful blogger. You really put meaning in your feelings. You are worth so much more than that cigarette.
I believed in you from the beginning. Now, you need to believe in yourself.
This illness has gotten you through the withdrawal period. Take that and go with it. You have the power to do this!