I'm sorry to hear that Doreen, I rather whish that you weren't an example. I know there will come a day where my junkie thought will be something like this: 'there's no harm in smoking one, you've been off for longer periods of time and therefor your health risk is low'. The sad thing is, I cultivated this thought myself. I used to be so very angry with myself when I didn't succeed in quitting, it ruined my self esteem completely. Gradually I came to see that self loathing is devastating, in general actually haha. So I made a deal: I will only quit if I can stay friends with myself when I fail. It became easier and I often said, well, at least I've been off for a while again and been giving my body a good period of healing. I forgave myself rather easy. Now I know, this thought can become tricky for me further in my proces. The junkie could easily hijack this thought I initially created to help myself. I guess it's a good thing that i'm prepared ..