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Good morning my lovely fellow Nopers, Welcome to the weekend. That time where we can all put up our feet, have a sleep in and just chillax until Monday comes again... or live in reality and do all the tasks at home that have been neglected all week. All around the world today is International Midwives Day... and most of us would have a midwife to thank for being here or for our kids being here so yay midwives (don't stress no midwives in action shots). On my home front (Victoria) it is Shine A Light On Road Safty day, a day were we're all asked to have our headlights on during the day as a silent witness to the trauma and horror that comes from not safe roads. Considering she is looking a lot grey and overcast out there the headlights should be on anyway, but its free, it costs nothing and if even one person wonders why and decides to be a bit safer on the roads all the better. So to a world with out Midwives and to a world with unsafe roads I say.... NOPE Oh and for you North Americans... Happy Cinco de Mayo... which google tells me is the celebration of Mexico's defeat of the French during a battle in the 1800's or a celebration of Mexican Culture in the USA... What ever it remember that its one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.... but well done to the olden day Mexicans who told the French army.. "NOPE" .. although they probably said "No, ni una sola bocanada." (well that's what google says) Topic of the Day: Songs that you love.

NOPE!

G'day NOPE back at you, your late young lady! C

So I made it to the 1 month mark! Yay! But I do not want to write about celebrations right now. My post is about the last 2 days, which have been exceptionally tough. It is as if the addiction is playing tag with my conscience. Round and round they go with my feeble self hanging in the middle, at times by nothing less than a thread. It started on Wednesday mid afternoon and was so bad that I had to take a personal half day, and a leave on the following day (Thursday). I used up all my arsenal but nothing worked. At times I caught myself sitting upright on the bed looking at the ceiling, and there were times when I was talking to myself, encouraging me bent over the kitchen sink. Last night I went through two huge Cadbury's candy bars along with gulping coffee, which I used to diffuse the craves (Hell I was reaching out for anything). Sleepless, tired, anxious and irritated, that has been the story of the past two days. In the past 48 hours I have cried, thought about punching the wall or hurting myself to see if the pain helped, ran so hard that my legs cramped up, paced about at 3 in the morning. I am just glad I came out strong. Now I am not writing a memoir or sharing a day in the life of (in this case, 2 days), I am sharing this for two reasons or realities rather. The first one being the reality of the crave. People think that after 15 days or 25 days or their quit, they are out in the clear. This is when the crave strikes, when you have dropped your guard. No Matter how long you are in your quit, the lesson is not to drop your guard! The second one is the reality of addiction. I have always considered myself to be a strong man, but the quit has broken me down in so many ways. This shows how submissive you have been to the addiction throughout that even when you have quit, you are at its mercy. Therefore never lost out on your resolve. Take care, keep safe and stay quit!

NOPE!!!

May the fourth be with you! That's right sticks & chicks... its International Star Wars Day because all day long we can say May the Fourth be with you and not sound like complete nerdstickles. And while we have all the force with us, lets think about the humble chooks in there battery cages just so we can have some nuggets... may the force be with them too. So as I say NOPE today, I will use the force because it is strong within me. Topic of the day: Star Wars and its Sci-fi buddies.

Good morning. I pledge NOPE today.

Nope!!!

NOPE not today.

Nope

Howdy!

NOPE

nope

The internal war wages on. All the way home from work yesterday, I kept thinking it's been almost two weeks, and perhaps I've earned myself a cigarette as a reward. Just one. I was completely convinced that having successfully quit smoking for 5 years and now that I'm successfully doing it again - well, it should be a no-brainer for me. I've got this, and I totally deserve it. Thought about how great that cigarette was going to be all the way home... how I was just going to have one of my husband's cigarettes and then carry on with the quit as I've been doing. Certainly he'd give me one - he loves me. About half an hour after I got home, my husband showed up and found me on the back patio. After about two minutes of small talk, I asked him to give me one of his cigarettes. He told me no, and there was no way that HE was going to be THAT person that takes me back down to zero days. Then, he said he was going back in the house, and if I wanted to come in and steal one from him, that would be up to me, but he wasn't going to just give it to me. And he left me there, and there I sat questioning everything about this quit. I stood up several times considering walking in and taking that cigarette. I logged in to QT and went to the SOS board, thinking that there was seriously nothing anybody could possibly say to me that was going to make me NOT have my reward. I thought about how much I wanted to be a non-smoker. I thought about how much I wanted that cigarette. I thought about how hard it would be on me if I had to go through Hell Week again. I thought about how I'm mentally strong enough to have just one. I was so completely torn - I felt like a complete lunatic. Either I wanted the damn thing or I didn't. But, I could not make up my mind. So, I thought, you know, let's just post an SOS and see what's what. But, when I started reading about how to post an SOS, I found myself reading another member's SOS posting. That person was having all of the same conflicting thoughts that I was. And, I read some of the responses by other members. There was so much kindness, so much truth. Strangers going out of their way to help prevent another stranger from lighting up. Just for right now. And then I started crying. I wasn't sad, or angry, or anything like that. As I look back on that dark hour of mine, I believe the feeling was frustration. Frustration from having to deny myself what I "want" everyday. It's terribly draining to be so firm with yourself. The crying seemed to help. It relieved some of the pressure and some of the tension - enough for me to really listen to what these other members were telling the SOS poster. I don't have my head on right yet. I still think of it as denying myself a cigarette, when I should be thinking that I'm denying the addiction. I'm not losing anything. But, as much as I try to tell myself that, and as much as I want to believe it, I can't quite get my head wrapped around it. So, I went out to read up on addiction some more / again and reaffirmed my NOPE commitment, and watched some QT videos about smoking (again) and then... @Sslip must have noticed that I was "liking" posts on the SOS thread and then must have noticed that I was re-NOPEing, and took the time to check on me. Just to make sure I was OK. It took me almost half an hour to reply, because the gesture of reaching out to me during my struggle got me crying all over again. I realized that I was sitting there feeling sorry for myself. Feeling sorry that I couldn't have a cigarette. Ridiculous as that sounds, it's how I was feeling. And the fact that I was being ridiculous made me FEEL ridiculous. Eventually I responded that I was "struggling a little bit" (understatement of the century), took a few deep breaths, and thanked my husband for not letting me have one. (He admitted that the look in my eye was clear - I was going to smoke.) If it weren't for the old posts here and Sslip's thoughtfulness, I'd be back to Day 1 again today. Or Day 0 - who knows if I'd've actually only had the one. I owe today's continued quit to all of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. If you're reading this, please pay it forward by posting your own threads. Posts, blogs, anything. It may not happen today or next month, but eventually, someone will read it at just the right moment.

¡ NOPE for Cinco de Mayo !

Revenge of the 5th! #NOPE

NOPE...

NOPE!

Good morning all, This morning on my drive to work, I had to stop and get gas. And while I was pumping gas, thoughts of going in the store like I usually did, and buying a pack of cigs and having just one or two kept circling through my mind. Then I would just throw the rest of the pack away and pick my quit back up. Addiction is insane. That doesn't even make sense. I don't want to smoke, I want to quit! Yet, I try to convince myself to smoke? I am still amazed that it wasn't until these past few days that I didn't realize I was addicted. I thought I enjoyed smoking. I thought I wanted and chose to smoke. I am almost 65 years old, a reasonably intelligent (? :)) person and yet live in denial about cigarettes? I had "heard" about what smoking did to your lungs, but I never let it penetrate. I never looked at pictures of what smoking did to your lungs and what they looked like...until yesterday ?. I regret for not valuing my precious lungs more than my cigarettes, for not valuing time, for not listening. Yet, even as I embrace my lungs, time and life there is a voice in me that says...have a cigarette. But NOPE, not today.

may the nope be with you

NOPE!!

Nope! And good morning all.

Nopity, Nopity, Nope.

And a cheeky wee NOPE from me and chewy

NOPE

NOPE!

Surviving The Great NicotineFree Fog Some people experience a mental fog soon after they quit smoking or using nicotine, others don't. It can last from a few hours to a few weeks or longer. My fog wasn't consistent, showing up unannounced and somewhat dismaying. Who am I kidding ? It was disarming and seemed impenetrable. I couldn't have made thoughtful decisions and was glad they weren't necessary. My fog lasted over a month and lingered far too long. Not what you want to hear, I know, but remember, this was only my experience. Everyone's quit is unique, much has to do with attitude, general wellness, behavior/lifestyle, nutrition... Keep some tricks in your tool box to help you, just in case, and keep your blood sugar up. Antidotes ? forced walks, cold air, intentional breathing, too much coffee, 'embracing the suck', attention to my blood sugar, alerting people that might be affected, not stressing out about it...understanding that it will pass. Duration and Density ? On a scale, (10) drastically impaired to (0) normal. -For three days, with OTC help and Whisky, I flirted with informal catatonia (10) -For two weeks, I had little concentration, I wasn't making executive decisions or problem solving (7) -At four weeks, I slowly wakened to lethargy (3) and indolence (2.5) -It tapered off so s l o w l y, it was hard to mark but, that could have been my inattentiveness. pfftt. Have you experienced The Great Smoke Free Fog ? What helped you ? How dense was it ? When did it clear ? Enjoy this lovely short film and listen to Sounding the Sumburgh Foghorn in The Shetlands.

Sunny, calm down. breathe a few breaths. You are not going to get that 'ahhhh' from nicotine any more. that is GONE. You can get that 'ahhhhh' feeling from LOTS of other things that won't KILL you. Breathing is good. and Oxygen gives me the most reliable, "AHHHHHHHHHHH". Breathe, baby.

@Sslip, I'm so thankful for the old posts here and for everyone's generosity of time and experience. It has helped me every single day. But, last night, I was truly touched to have been tagged by you just to see if I was OK. It made me feel... I don't know... less alone in this battle. Thank you!! And, @notsmokinjo, thank you for noticing as well. Being able to witness first-hand how effective this community can be when you really need them was amazing! @reciprocity, I've seen it, but I really don't know how to respond to myself yet. Last night taught me that my brain isn't always truthful with me, so I hesitate to try and make something up. There were a few posts that I read in the old SOS posting, though, that I might just copy out and save as a pre-sos for myself - they were instrumental in helping me to calm down. @jillar, I agree. He may be a dirty smoker, but he's been my most avid supporter.

NOPE

Hi DV.... First congrats on your fabulous one month smoke free...!!!!! As smokers we fed ourselves a crap load of chemicals every day..for decades.... Your body and brain is kinda confused...it's having to function in a entirely different way.... They call quitting a journey of up and downs....this is for sure... Be patient and kind to yourself.....the magic will happen....... Keep telling yourself..how amazing you are... Grabbing this addiction and kicking it's butt !!!!

Here!

NOPE

Gday NOPE C

NOPE!

NOPE!!!

NOPE!

#NOPE....

WOW! You're half way to the Lido Deck today b.n.e. That's fantastic. You are really building a great quit. Congratulations to you as you push forward to that full year

Great job Rory 4 months smoke free is a great accomplishment. Celebrate all your hard work today!

He grabbed his helmet in front of yous?

Love this post sunny, good on you for getting past it. And your hubby is an angel for not being that guy I'm so glad that @Sslip was there for you too I remember those hard first few months and it was my own posts, as well as many others, that kept reminding me I don't want to go through those early days again either!

I call this ................. Saturday Night ?

Nope?

I'm glad you found your way through that dark time Sunny! It is certainly overwhelming at times for most of us particularly in those early days. I don't know if you noticed but there is also a "Pre Respond to your Own SOS" thread on that page that you can utilize as a help tool too. You can post up a meaningful message to yourself that you can read if you're feeling weak at some point. Hope your having a better day today

Sunny, you need to give yourself the greatest credit in saving your quit! The time you take to post in your blog, the thought you put into your posts and the fact that when you were struggling you did exactly the right thing in posting nope again. It helps others to see when you may be struggling. I know that Jo noticed last night as well. It's not so long ago I was in the midst of that constant battle myself, so it is very fresh in my memory. It's the benefit of us all treading this path together. Give your hubby a big thank you as well, for looking out for you. It would have been easy and perhaps easier for him to have let you lapse. You're a good role model on how this should be done. Excellent work and we are super proud of you today.

Reading all the posts since yesterday also listening to news and needing a coffee..?

Thank you all for the encouragement. Wow. That is hopeful! And as I look at my week, it is right on. The "firsts" without a cigarette were tough for me this week, but once I did something for the first time without smoking and deprogrammed the trigger, it became easier and easier. Like waking up in the morning, first cup of coffee, driving to work, breaks, before lunch, after lunch, driving home from work, after dinner with coffee, before going to bed. Those things I had done for years always with a cigarette were tough the first times not having one, but now they don't trigger my crisis. Yet, this was the first time I had to fill my car with gas, where many times I would buy a pack and it became a crisis. Thanks for that perspective ! I will prepare myself for these firsts or at least understand what is going on.